Aurelia || SERIES ROMANA I

Chapter 67 ~ Spes demitte

Screaming, Aurelia roused herself from her sleep. The next second, Clemens rushed into her room with his sword drawn and scanned the room with his praetorian gaze for possible attackers while Aurelia tried to get her breathing under control. The next moment Clemens relaxed and gave her a pitying look. Ever since she had arrived here, she had woken up screaming from her nightmares every night. She had forbidden her girls and Clemens to tell anyone - especially Gaius. She brushed her sweaty hair out of her face and closed her eyes as she tried to banish the images of her dream from her mind. But she did not succeed. She could still feel the heat of the flames on her face.
"What day is it today?" she asked, her voice sounding strangely emotionless. There was silence for a moment, then Clemens answered in surprise, "Four days before the Ides of June."
Aurelia began to convert the days into her old scheme. So today was the 10th of June 38 AD. Why did this date seem so familiar to her? Thoughtfully, she opened her eyes and avoided Clemens' questioning gaze. Instead, she looked at the sun breaking through between the two mountains. Automatically, she raised her hand protectively in front of her eyes and with a flick of her wrist, she was back at her desk, analysing the family tree of the Julio-Claudian dynasty on her laptop. Today, Drusilla would die. With a sigh, Aurelia buried her face in her hands. Her head was surely just playing tricks on her again. Drusilla could not die today. The Drusilla she had read about back then had died quite suddenly and she hadn't been able to find out what she had died of on the internet either. So, what was Drusilla going to die of today?
"Call my girls, please, Clemens," Aurelia murmured thoughtfully, watching the sunrise. "I don't think I'll be able to get another night's sleep now".
Soft footsteps gave Aurelia to understand that Clemens was complying with her request. For a few silent minutes she enjoyed the beautiful colours of the morning sky as the child in her womb woke up and began to kick. Smiling, Aurelia placed her hand on her belly.
"I can't wait to meet you," she whispered to her belly and promptly as if to agree with her, the child kicked again. The smile on her face widened, then she turned back to the beautiful sunrise. A moment later the door opened again, and her girls quietly entered her bedroom. Still smiling, she turned to them and beckoned them to join her.
"Please sit with me for a moment," she requested. A short while later, the three of them sat on her bed, silently watching the sun rise higher and higher in the sky. After a while, Nara got up, hurried to the dressing table and returned to the bed armed with a comb. Aurelia closed her eyes and trusted her girls.

Less than an hour later, she was restlessly roaming the villa. Although she had tried to wash the restless night off her body, she was still restless, and she couldn't shake the feeling that something terrible was going to happen today. With a sigh, she stepped out onto the terrace, but even the warm tickle of the sun on her skin could not dispel her gloomy mood. Since leaving Rome behind, she felt lost and cut off from the rest of the world. The Senate would not start its summer recess for another month, so the neighbouring villas were all still unoccupied, and the families who lived in this village all year round were not in any position socially to be allowed to visit Aurelia, and Aurelia could not visit them because she was not supposed to leave the house further than sight. Although she did not get to see anyone who was not part of her household, she still did not feel completely alone. How could she feel alone when a little kick reminded her that she was not? Still, she missed the conversations with her friends, but most of all she longed for Gaius' closeness. Joylessly, Aurelia looked at the beautiful flowers that adorned the garden and whose names she did not know. They did not even seem familiar to her. They probably no longer existed in her time. Gingerly, she ran her fingertips over a petal before plucking the blossom and inhaling its sweet fragrance.
Too soon. Drusilla's contractions started far too soon, neither she nor this survived. A voice suddenly surfaced in her thoughts and in shock Aurelia dropped the blossom on the floor. Her heart began to race as images formed in her mind - images of a documentary about Caligula. Again, and again the narrator's voice whispered his lines, and his neutral tone became more sardonic with each time.
Suddenly a hand came down on her upper arm and she cried out in shock. Slowly she emerged from her memories and blinked into Clemens' worried face.
"Are you all right?" he asked her quietly and Aurelia shook her head hurriedly.
"I have to go back to Rome immediately," she explained and now it was Clemens who shook his head. Then he too began to remind her of Gaius' orders and with every word Aurelia grew angrier. At Clemens, at Gaius, at Rome, at herself.
"Ever since I opened my eyes, I've had the feeling that something terrible is going to happen today!" she snapped at Clemens, who immediately let go of her as if he'd burned himself on her. Irritated, he blinked at her, but she was just getting going. "I'm tired of being here like an exile while my whole family is in Rome! I'm tired of being a prisoner in my home! I can't even go for a walk, and I will not be confined here any longer! If Gaius wants to keep me here any longer, he should have accompanied me from the beginning and not given me a Praetorian prefect as a nanny! I will not stay here a moment longer, so prepare the carriage or I will take the next best horse and ride to Rome alone!"
Snorting with rage, she turned on her heel and trudged back to the villa. In her room, Belana and Nara were already busy packing up their things. A slave hurried over and handed her a cup of juice with his eyes downcast. Trembling, her fingers closed around the cup. With long strides, she stepped to the window and watched the bustling activity in the courtyard. Flurried slaves scurried between the columns and for the first time that day Aurelia could relax a little. Tired, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then put the cup to her lips and drank. A very tiring day lay ahead of them, and she prayed that she was wrong and that their journey would be in vain.

Around noon the next day, her carriage rattled through the gate, and she sent a shouting prayer towards heaven that her carriage would make quick progress on the crowded streets of Rome without hurting anyone. Actually, they could have been in Rome hours ago, but Clement had insisted at nightfall that they would not travel on until the next morning. He had overheard her tired protest. Now that she was back in Rome, her restlessness grew and the feeling that something was wrong.
She did not risk a glance through the curtains. Carriages and carriages were only allowed to travel at night in Rome. It had its advantages to belong to the first family of Rome.
An hour later the carriage finally came to a halt and Aurelia said one last prayer, then the door was pulled open, and she got out, studiously ignoring Clemens' hand. She was still angry with him, although she knew he was only carrying out his orders and did not deserve her anger.
As soon as she entered the atrium, she knew something was wrong. It was too quiet. Her footsteps echoing off the high walls were the only sound she heard. With a pounding heart, she climbed the stairs when suddenly Agrippina appeared on the landing. Her face was pale, and she had deep circles under her eyes, as if she had not slept a wink last night. But otherwise, she looked the same as always. Her hair was neatly coiffed, and her clothes fitted impeccably. At that moment, Aurelia was sure that her fears had been in vain and inwardly she was already preparing the words she would say to Gaius. Then Agrippina met her gaze, opened her mouth and burst into tears. With a few steps Aurelia was at her friend's side and embraced her. Confused words bubbled out of Agrippina while Aurelia simply held her. What could she say to comfort her friend? Slowly Agrippina calmed down and Aurelia pulled back a little.
"Where is Gaius?" asked Aurelia, and Agrippina sobbed out again. Then she gruffly rubbed the tears from her face.
"He's been locked in his chambers for hours," Agrippina answered and Aurelia blanked out the rest. As quickly as she could, she hurried through the familiar corridors, not noticing anything apart from her fear for Gaius. Outside her private chambers, two simple praetorians stood blocking her way.
"We have orders not to admit anyone," the one on the right declared and immediately the blood boiled in her veins.
"Do I look like I'm nobody?" she shouted at the man, who eyed her from head to toe in discomfort. "Open the door now or I'll make sure you're on latrine duty for the next few months!"
To her surprise, this threat was already having an effect. She was about to suggest he make him fight for her forgiveness at the next games when the doors opened, and she rushed past the two men without another word. With a soft click, the door fell shut behind her and it took her a moment for her eyes to adjust to the darkness. The air was oppressively hot and stuffy. Someone had closed the windows and drawn all the curtains. In the living area, all the furniture had been thrown about furiously and the scene reminded her of how she imagined the hotel room of a drugged-up rock star. Full of anxiety, she entered the next room. The study was also in chaos, as if a violent storm had tossed all the documents around and scattered them all over the room. There was still no trace of Gaius. Her heart was pounding in her throat. Fear and worry constricted her throat. With a loud bang, she yanked open the bedroom door and ran into the room. The first thing she registered was the order. Unlike the other rooms, this one was in the same state she had left it. Then a soft whimper reached her ears. Immediately she turned her head towards the sound and her heart burst into a thousand tiny pieces at the sight of it.