Aurelia || SERIES ROMANA I

Chapter 26 ~ Living in a bubble

Still intoxicated by the enthusiasm of his people, Gaius returned to his new palace, built by his ancestor, the great Augustus. For his first feast as princeps, Gaius had invited all the men of senatorial rank with their families. But before that, he urgently needed to take a bath and change his clothes. His toga already had a few stains. Inspired by the thought of being able to show Aurelia his palace tonight, he literally floated through the simple corridors. Not for a moment did he doubt that she would not stay with him tonight.
His party had been going on for hours and he still hadn't caught a glimpse of his Aurelia. The most unimportant and power-hungry senators gathered around him and tried to suck up to him, which was why he could not go in search of her himself. Suddenly his grandmother appeared beside him and with an apologetic smile pulled him away from a particularly clingy specimen. As soon as they were out of earshot, he thanked her.
"Your little Aurelia is not here. Apparently, the games have taken their toll on her. Amazing, considering she spent much of her life in wild Germania," his grandmother replied sullenly, and Gaius winced in surprise. "Don't pretend, Gaius, and don't you think you can fool me. One of my slaves was watching when you slipped out of her room before the first ray of sunlight, and I saw the way you looked at her when the games began. But that is beside the point now. Some interested parties are here, and I cannot keep them happy much longer"
Worried, Gaius looked around, but his guests took no notice of their conversation. In a whisper he demanded to know what kind of prospects were present.
"Potential husbands for this pretty thing," Antonia explained in a slightly sour tone, as if it were obvious. Gaius felt his mask of exuberance slip briefly. Of course, his grandmother had noticed this little touch of weakness. She urged him to marry Aurelia off before one of her family's political enemies made an offer. Immediately Gaius voiced his misgivings. What was the hurry? Why should Aurelia marry as soon as possible? His grandmother gave him a look as if he had lost his mind. Energetically, she grabbed his arm.
"Do you think it was a coincidence that Aurelia's family was wiped out?" she hissed. "Her father is a direct descendant of the brother of Aurelia, the mother of the great Caesar you were named after, my boy! In his delusions of persecution, Tiberius has not only tried to wipe out our bloodline, but hers as well, because she will always be a threat to our rule. Even though she has now been adopted by a lesser family, the same blood still flows in her. Do you want to see her turned against you as a weapon someday?"
This time his cheerful smile did not slip.
"Aurelia will never be a weapon against me," he declared calmly. Antonia laughed softly.
"Do you seriously think that just because she is your mistress now, she will love you forever?" she sneered, and Gaius appraised her calmly. "Wake up, boy! Aurelia is not a woman who can share the man she loves, and I know you. Eventually you will drop her because you simply cannot commit to anyone else and then what will happen to her deep love for you? Girls like her don't break, they get back up and they are even stronger and more dangerous than before."
Thoughtfully, he eyed his grandmother, who not only had an extraordinary flair for people, but also for politics.
"Avia, she's not my lover," he murmured, and her eyes grew wide with surprise. "I mean, we didn't... you know"
"Are you blushing? You?" his grandmother asked in surprise. Embarrassed, he avoided her piercing gaze. Then he pulled himself together. Since when was he a prude? Loosely he explained that he had not slept with her, but only next to her. His grandmother still eyed him inquiringly.
"Good," she explained coldly. "That would only have complicated things."
With that she turned away from him and instantly another lickspittle appeared beside him. Outwardly he appeared to be the perfect listener to his senator's lament, but inwardly his thoughts revolved only around his beautiful Aurelia. Now they were finally safe from Tiberius, his own grandmother warned him against a relationship with her. Deep in his heart, Gaius knew that he needed Aurelia and could not give her up. Too many times he had tried in vain to let her go. He just couldn't.

As dawn was already breaking, the last guests finally disappeared, and Gaius could retire. At some point he had caught sight of Vespasius, who was spending most of his time with Antonia. During the whole evening, Gaius had only been able to shake off his gaggle of lickspittles in one single moment and had caught the fat senator alone. The latter had only been able to whisper to him that Aurelia was feeling unwell after the games and that his nephew did not want to leave her alone in the strange villa. This only confirmed what his grandmother had already told him. Then another insignificant senator appeared next to Gaius and abruptly interrupted the conversation. Vespasius took the opportunity and went back to Gaius' grandmother. At the feast, Gaius had not had time to wonder why she had brought her personal secretary, but now it struck him as deeply strange.
Outside his door, Gaius stopped, and half turned to Clemens, his hand already resting on the doorknob. Quietly he asked when his faithful guard had last seen Aurelia. Clemens frowned.
"At the beginning of the games, Princeps," the young Praetorian said thoughtfully. "Then she suddenly disappeared"
Gaius was too tired to worry his head about that now, too. Probably the gladiatorial combat had really done her in - as far as he knew, she had never seen one before. Who wouldn't be overwhelmed by such a rousing spectacle? So, Gaius just shrugged and slipped into his room. Without haste, he removed his heavy toga and dropped exhausted onto his bed. Surely, he would have fallen asleep immediately if something had not poked him in the back. Disgruntled, Gaius reached for the thing and pulled an elegant scroll out from under him. Suddenly he was wide awake. This was Aurelia's seal after all! He had noticed the ring last night while she had been sleeping and had laid her slender hand possessively on his heart. He sat up with a jerk. With trembling hands, he broke the wax and unrolled her letter.

My dearest Gaius,

The unusual form of address alone warmed his heart. By the gods, it was sweeter than honey and more entertaining than any comedy. He briefly considered reading her letter after he had slept. But his curiosity drove him to read the next words and once lost in them, he could not emerge from them.

Please forgive me for leaving without a word of farewell. I lacked the strength to tell you myself, for you are the only one who could have persuaded me to stay and there are too many things I need to think about in peace.
The events of the last few months have overwhelmed me. Everything I have always repressed has been torn open anew today during the Games. Nothing in the world has ever been so hard for me as to abandon you now. But I have no strength to hope every day that we can change the past. I couldn't bear to see us fail and end up looking alone at the wreckage of our lives. If I can still look at something, then.
My heart will always belong only to you and that scares me. I can't bear the thought that all the things I love about you could soon be destroyed. I just can't be there when your future turns into my past.
Keep your goodness and humanity. They are a gift, not a curse. Therefore, I ask you to bestow upon my cousin the same grace that you have bestowed upon me. He is not to blame, and he will never be more to me than my cousin. It is not my father's fault either. I have seen to it that the letters reach you both at the same time.
Please do not look for me. I am well. All I ask for me is that you give me the time I need.

I love you, but I can't be one in a line of many. That would destroy me.

Farewell my heart

Aurelia

Stunned, he read her letter again and again. It was the first time she had told him she loved him. Was she afraid he would leave her for another woman? Her? The goddess of all women? Tears ran down his cheek. He did not even know why he was crying. For he felt neither sadness, anger nor jealousy - only that melancholy emptiness and bitter loneliness again. Confused, he jumped out of bed and stumbled to his fireplace, where a small fire was still glowing. Before he threw the letter into the fire, he slumped down. The hand with the scroll pressed tightly against his lonely heart. Eventually he fell asleep on the cold floor.