Aurelia || SERIES ROMANA I

Chapter 49 ~ Incipit

4th December 37 AD

The day they had longed for and dreaded for so long was dawning outside the windows. For hours, Aurelia had been wide awake in Gaius' safe arms, sleeping peacefully. How she would love to sleep on, but her mind raced with thoughts and only his familiar warmth prevented fear from overtaking her. For the thousandth time, she wondered which of them would take the greater risk today. They had been working on the plan with Antonia and Gaius for weeks, but now she wondered if their plan was mature enough or if they were running to their doom. Sometimes it felt like the little world they had created for themselves here in the heart of Rome could be brought crashing down around them at any moment by a nudge from the outside, and the rubble would bury them beneath it. But no matter what challenge she faced, Gaius was worth every risk and Aurelia would give her life to save him, knowing that he would and had done the same for her at any moment. No matter which side prevailed today, Rome would not be the same tomorrow.
As she lay there quietly, she recalled the important points of today's ceremony. But no matter how many times she went over the words of the prayers or the course of the rituals, she did not lose her fear.
Suddenly Gaius stirred and Aurelia watched as his eyelids lifted, fluttering. His lips formed a sleepy smile, and he pulled her closer.
"Good morning," he whispered happily, and for the moment he succeeded in driving away her worries.

They took their quick breakfast undisturbed in their living area. A relaxed conversation about philosophy kept their minds off the importance of today. But when the last cup was emptied and the last crumb eaten, nervous silence descended upon them. With trembling fingers, Aurelia set her goblet down, rose, and smoothed her clothes. Gently, Gaius placed his hand on her upper arm.
"You can do this!" he spoke encouragement to her and pulled her into his arms. Deeply she breathed in his familiar scent and tried to fight down the panic. How she would love to stand by him today, but she had to do her duty here.
"Take care of yourself," she whispered in his ear, hugging him close.
"I promise," he breathed back, breaking free of her grasp, and taking her hand in his. Gently, he kissed her cheek, sending a comforting shiver down her spine. His crooked grin made her heartbeat faster and she would have loved to forget the world with him once more, but they didn't have the time. So, they walked leisurely hand in hand to the atrium where all the men of her household had already gathered. Among those present, Aurelia spotted Clemens among the rest of the Praetorians gathered around Macro, and as soon as the prefect's unfeeling eyes met hers, nausea rose in her and she clung to Gaius' hand. Reassuringly, he ran his thumb over the back of her hand and Aurelia relaxed.
The flowers for the ceremony had already been delivered and filled the room with their lovely scent. Instead of heading for the door, Gaius strode gracefully with her to one of the bouquets. Smiling, he tucked a myrrh blossom into a curl of her updo, then leaned his forehead lightly against hers.
"I love you," he whispered, gently pressing his lips to hers. Instantly, the world around them sank away and without hesitation, Aurelia pressed her whole body against his and put her whole heart into that one kiss. Far too soon, she had to let him go.
"I love you too," she breathed back, then humbly took a step back so Gaius could leave. When she lifted her gaze, Macro's eyes bored into yours, wanting to understand what they had seen. Why had they not been more subtle? Did he suspect something?
But Aurelia only nodded slightly at him, and Macro's expression relaxed. A few weeks ago, Ennia had tried to sneak up on Aurelia in the temple while her sisters-in-law were getting myrrh from the garden. Ennia had tried to persuade Aurelia to spy on Gaius' secrets for Macro and her. Let him believe she was on his side.
On the doorstep, Gaius turned to her once more, blew her a kiss, and then left with the other men. Shivering, Aurelia wrapped her arms around herself as soon as the portal closed behind them, ignoring the urge to throw up. Instead, Aurelia found something to do to block out her feelings. Today she had to function. They all had to.
So, while waiting for the other ladies to arrive, she and the slave girls rearranged the flowers throughout the palace. Everything had to be perfect. One by one Agrippina, Drusilla and Julia joined her from their chambers and vigorously shooed the poor slave girls around.
When the portal opened for the first time, Antonia entered. Relieved, Aurelia welcomed the exalted lady and handed her a bowl with a mixture of water and oil so that she could wash her hands of the dirt of the outside world for the feast of the Bona Dea.
"You look radiant, my dear," Antonia encouraged her, continuing, "Who came up with the idea of the flower?"
For the first time since parting with Gaius, she managed a genuine smile.
"Gaius," Aurelia replied simply and Antonia returned her smile. She opened her mouth, probably to assure her that her plan could not fail, but at that moment the portal opened again and Ennia entered with her Minions. Quickly, Antonia folded her mouth shut again and stepped behind Aurelia, who greeted the arrivals with a warm smile. To her surprise, one of Ennia's friends stepped forward, who seemed to have been engrossed in an animated conversation with Ennia until just now, and whom Aurelia had not noticed in the temple until now. Beside her, Antonia stiffened slightly, and the stranger opened her mouth to speak, eyes glinting maliciously. Quickly Antonia leaned towards Aurelia and whispered loud enough for everyone to understand.
"This is Messalina, my dear, the woman..." she continued, and without thinking, Aurelia interrupted the older woman excitedly.
"Of Claudius!" exclaimed Aurelia, eyeing with fascination this beautiful woman whose cruelty she had read the most about in her own time. After Caligula's assassination, the Praetorians proclaimed Claudius the new emperor, and Messalina filled the place that now belonged to Aurelia. Claudius must have kept her completely under control in the process until, on the orders of his freedman Narcissus, she either committed suicide or was assassinated - Aurelia didn't know for sure anymore. As she gazed into Messalina's devious eyes and embraced her amicably, Aurelia made another promise to herself to do everything in her power to prevent Gaius' assassination and Messalina's rise. When the women disengaged shortly after, they gave each other fake smiles and treated each other with nothing but absolute politeness. Unobtrusively, Antonia exhaled in relief. No outsider would see the tension between the two women, probably mistaking them for friends and forgetting that one wholeheartedly desired the other's place.

No sooner had all the disciples of the Bona Dea arrived than they began to furnish the cult room, one of the dining halls with a magnificent view of the gardens, for the rituals. The night before, Aurelia had already had the men remove the dining couches and now they were erecting a beautiful shrine. Next to the ornate bronze statue of the goddess, a charcoal basin was set up, the sight of which sent a cold shiver down Aurelia's spine. On the floor they spread a vast amount of myrrh that one could no longer see the magnificent floor mosaic. With all her heart, Aurelia hoped that none of the women would injure themselves on the thorns during the feast.
Musicians settled into a corner, Aurelia's nausea from the morning returned. She tried to find distraction in her role as hostess, but the absence of Gaius was getting to her. With him by her side, it felt like they could conquer the entire world. In her mind, she kept asking all the gods and goddesses she could think of to stand by them both tonight.

As dusk fell, Aurelia retired to her chambers. It was time to don the ceremonial robes and begin the feast. The good Prunia followed her like a shadow. For the past few weeks, she had been trained by Caenis and as of tomorrow she would already be gone until she had acquired all the necessary skills of an excellent secretary.
When Aurelia entered her bedroom, the robe of the High Priestess was already carefully spread out on the bed. On either side of her, Nara and Belana had lined up and were waiting for instructions. Aurelia took a deep breath, then nodded and her three girls set to work. In the mirror, Aurelia watched herself transform from a respectable Roman femina into a high priestess. The dress was woven of a sheaf of burgundy silk, which was adorned with shimmering golden and greenish vines and flowers. Nara deftly removed the veil and undid her traditional updo, allowing Aurelia's hair to fall in soft curls over her shoulder. She knew from Julia that every follower had to appear before the goddess with flowing hair at this festival.
From the mirror, a Roman priestess gazed back at Aurelia. Gratefully, she said goodbye to her girls, who would spend the rest of the evening here. Before she turned the last corner and could be seen by the other women, Aurelia raised her palm horizontally in front of her face. She shook violently. Agonized, Aurelia closed her eyes and Gaius' image appeared in her mind's eye. He winked conspiratorially at her, and the corners of his mouth twisted into a wry grin. Smiling, she opened her eyes and took a deep breath in and out. She would not fail. Over the past few weeks, she had done everything, learned everything, and was perfectly prepared.
Lifting her head, she started to move, striding confidently past the other women, taking her place in the circle, and glancing at one after the other. Behind her she felt the warmth of the brazier. An expectant silence descended upon them. Aurelia would have liked to run away, but at that moment she met Antonia's gaze. She nodded at her, barely noticeable, and Aurelia's need to flee disappeared.
Heart pounding, she turned her back on the other women and sprinkled frankincense and myrrh into the charcoal basin. The ash ignited the herbs instantly. A fleeting smile flitted across her face. Surely this would be interpreted as a good omen later. Finally, she dipped her fingertips into a wine goblet beside the basin and sprinkled the burning herbs. The whole room was filled with the pleasant scent of this mixture.
Humbly she fell on her knees before the beautiful altar. Piously she lowered her eyes before the image of the goddess and warmth flooded her body. As if by magic, the words formed in her head, and she began to sing. Easily and naturally the words came to her lips. The other women joined in her chant and for the first time that evening she was not afraid.