Aurelia || SERIES ROMANA I

Chapter 29 ~ Failure

21st of September 37 A. D.

Bored, Gaius lay on his couch and watched the goings-on. He had been princeps for almost seven months now and he felt more trapped than ever. Whatever he did, every single step seemed to be heavily guarded. At every moment, everyone's eyes rested on him. Everyone wanted something from him. But he searched in vain for a beautiful pair of eyes. Wherever he went, whomever he talked to, however long she had been gone now, she did not return. She did not return when the senate left the city for their holiday villas because of the hot summer. She did not return when the weather started to get colder, and the senate's holidays were coming to an end. She did not return. He waited and waited, but she was not there and with each passing day his hope that she would return to him faded. After all, he had told her again and again to stay away from him. But now he hated himself for having pushed her away again and again back then. Maybe she wouldn't have left in the first place. Only from the few letters she wrote to his sisters did he know that his memories of her were real. Whenever a new letter came, he would sneak into his sisters' writing room at night and read her words over and over again, as if that would give him back at least a part of her. She seemed happy without him, and it wore him down. Before falling asleep he saw her face, in his dreams he saw her die and when he woke up, she was not there and for one terrible moment he really thought she was dead.
In a good mood, Drusilla dropped into her seat beside him, her cheeks still red from the dance. Annoyed, he closed his eyes, but she only laughed. In the past few months, she had become even more flighty and pleasure-seeking, while Gaius had become more and more entrenched in his public duties.
"Brother, you need sex," she declared, and aghast Gaius stared at her. But she only giggled and pointed to a pretty girl who was trying to recite a poem by Catullus sweetly. Her hair was pitch black, her eyes dark and her lips too full. Gaius looked her up and down for a moment, then said coldly, "Not my type."
Drusilla just rolled her eyes and mumbled something unintelligible. Irritated, he glanced at her before taking another deep sip from his goblet. Even after Tiberius had been banished as a danger, he still couldn't bring himself to drink wine instead of grape juice. His mind still needed to be clear and alert at all times. Soothingly, Drusilla placed her hand on his forearm.
"What does it matter what she looks like, as long as she gives you pleasure? You are the princeps, she will do anything to please you," she whispered sternly. "Forget about Aurelia for one evening. Her absence is eating you up. Now go over and ask the little girl to dance!"
For quite a while longer Gaius remained seated, letting Drusilla's talk wash over him. A small part of him agreed with her, after all. He desperately needed to forget, if only for one evening. He calmly emptied his goblet, thrust it into Drusilla's hand and strolled relaxed to the little girl. Completely taken by surprise, she allowed him this dance and the next and the one after that. But while he flirted with her, he still felt empty. Every time he looked at her, he only noticed that she was not her. Even though the girl, he still hadn't found out her name, was really a pretty thing, she didn't touch him. His insides remained cold and dead.
"How can I serve you, my princeps?" she whispered softly in his ear. Alluringly, he bent down to her and purred seductively, wondering if this was what she really wanted. A pleasant shiver spread over her body, and she nodded with a giggle. Researching, she grabbed his hand and led him out of the hall. As they left the hall, Gemellus winked conspiratorially at Drusilla. But Gaius didn't have time to think much about it. For shortly afterwards they reached a small chamber, lit only by a sparse oil lamp.
As soon as the door closed behind him, she pressed her body against him and pressed her lips hard against his. Caught off guard, he let her take the lead. Her full mouth twisted into a triumphant smile.
"Let's take your mind off things, milord," she gasped and pushed him firmly onto the bed. Muffled, Lyra entered the chamber. She began to move her body seductively to the music as one piece of clothing after another slowly slid to the floor. Out of the corner of his eye, Gaius examined the open chest. At the very top lay a yellow toga. A whore. How charming. At least that explained her dealings with him since she had closed the door. The only question was who had set her up on him. Would Drusilla really arrange a whore for him? Gaius didn't know whether to feel offended or flattered.
Tantalisingly slowly, she came to him, sat on his lap and kissed him again. As Gaius slid his hands over her, it felt wrong. She tasted wrong, she smelled wrong, she giggled wrong, her body felt wrong, her voice was wrong. Desperately, Gaius closed his eyes and tried to block out the feeling. And then he saw her. Like a divine glow, her golden hair shone in the summer light, her eyes glowed with love and her lively laugh vibrated in his chest. Suddenly her sea-blue eyes sparkled mischievously, and she reached out her left hand to him, his mother's sapphire ring flashing on her middle finger.
"Wake up, my heart," she whispered seductively and when Gaius reached for her hand, he couldn't get a grip on it.
"Wake up, my love. This is not me," she murmured sadly and abruptly Gaius opened his eyes. Clinging to his neck was a girl with raven hair, lavishing him with feathery kisses as she slowly unwound the folds of his toga. Now he understood why it felt so wrong. The girl was simply not her. Jerkily he sat up and the girl would have fallen off the bed if she hadn't clung to him like a blood-sucking beast in the first place. Determinedly he pushed her off him and breathlessly she stared at him in confusion.
"But I sensed you wanted me," she gasped, trying to move closer to him. "What did I do wrong?"
Gaius laughed softly. More insistently, he pushed her away from him again and fear flashed in her eyes.
"You?" he asked seriously. "You have done nothing wrong. It's all up to me. You just can't give me what I need"
Then he stood up, adjusted his toga and left the small chamber without looking back at her. Outside the door, Clemens leaned against the wall with his arms folded. Quickly he assumed a more military posture and removed his unease from his face. Gaius nodded curtly at him and stormed through the palace to his rooms. There he ordered Clemens to come in. As always, the praetorian obeyed his orders without argument. Gaius went to his study and wordlessly pointed to one of the chairs. With a straight back, his Praetorian sat down while Gaius leaned back comfortably on his ivory chair and eyed his counterpart. Finally, he broke the silence.
"I want that whore removed from my house tonight," Gaius declared and Clemens nodded curtly.
"I want her things searched first. There was something strange about her," he continued. Again, he got only a nod.
"I want to know where Aurelia is"
For the first time in seven months, he brought her name past his lips. Immediately Clemens' head shot up and his kind eyes flashed with concern. For a long time, her name hung oppressively between them. Then his bodyguard shook his head wearily.
"Why won't you grant me this little wish, Clemens?" demanded Gaius to know, and Clemens took a deep breath and asked carefully why Gaius was suddenly interested. Silently, he handed him Aurelia's only letter to him, which Clemens skimmed uneasily. With each word, the wrinkle on the praetorian's forehead deepened. Confused, Clemens rolled up the letter.
"The separation is slowly driving me mad," Gaius sighed, burying his face in his hands. "Ever since she washed ashore right in front of me, everywhere I look, all I see is her. As soon as I close my eyes, she smiles at me and if I dream, it is of her agonising death because I cannot protect her. I cannot bear the touch of another - this girl has taught me that tonight. No other woman has ever aroused such feelings in me as she did and no other will ever be able to. Therefore, I do not command you as your princeps, but ask you as my friend to help me conquer my girl for good."
Concerned, Clemens scratched behind his ear. Immediately Gaius realised that he had convinced his loyal praetorian. He would help him. Thoughtfully, Gaius summoned one of his slaves and ordered him to get two horses ready. The boy hurried off at the same time. Frowning, Clemens looked after the boy. Then he looked back at his princeps.
"Do you have a plan yet?" the praetorian inquired cautiously. Hastily, Gaius rummaged in a compartment of his desk, then pulled out a small box and wordlessly slid it across the table to Clemens. Carefully he flipped it open and for a moment looked completely taken aback.
"Do you want to bribe her with expensive jewellery to become your mistress?", Clemens wanted to know in amazement and Gaius laughed out loud. With solemn seriousness he bent over the table and spoke: "I do not intend to make Aurelia my mistress, but my wife."