Aurelia || SERIES ROMANA I

Chapter 65 ~ existimatio hominum

Gaius' hair shone warmly in the soft light of the oil lamps, he gave her a wry smile over the heads of her guests, then turned all his attention back to the conversation with his uncles Claudius and Gemellus. The soft sounds the musicians elicited from their instruments blended gently with the conversations that were going on all around. It was Gemellus' last evening in Rome, and in her thoughts, Aurelia marvelled at the many faces that were now familiar to her - Gaius had only planned a small dinner with the immediate family. Yet the members of her family had not refrained from having their slaves and clients accompany her that evening. The small room felt so crowded to her, especially as they had to close all the windows overlooking the garden so that the cold winter air did not get into their bones.
At that moment, Claudius' wife Messalina joined her and said, "What a beautiful feast for such a beautiful deception."
Aurelia looked at this woman, who had been portrayed in the darkest colours by Roman historians. Her eyes twinkled jokingly, but her otherwise delicate face seemed rounder than usual, and Aurelia caught herself wondering if Messalina was already pregnant with Britannicus. Out of the corner of her eye she registered Agrippina breathing a kiss on her young son's head. Lucius was the centre of the female attention and suddenly a deep sadness came over Aurelia. Immediately Messalina noticed her change in mood and her light-heartedness also drained from her features.
"Some days I wish we could give up this game and just be a normal family," Messalina murmured, placing her hand on Aurelia's upper arm.
"What's normal at times like this?" asked Aurelia, and the corners of Messalina's mouth twitched. She sipped her goblet thoughtfully and let her gaze wander over those present. Gaius was surrounded by all the men, patting his uncle proudly on the back. Julia and Agrippina were engrossed in a conversation with their grandmother, which Clementina followed with polite interest without taking an active part. Drusilla stood on the sidelines, her gaze going blank and looking lost.
"Please excuse me," Aurelia said anxiously, gently withdrawing her arm from Messalina before unobtrusively joining Drusilla. Drusilla didn't notice her. Without a second thought, she grabbed Drusilla's wrist and gently pulled her out of the small room full of people and into a narrow, silent corridor. Even the soft music could no longer be heard. When she was sure no one had followed them, she turned to her sister-in-law and let go of her wrist, wanting her to tell her what was bothering her. Drusilla tried to put on an impenetrable mask, like the one Gaius used to wear in public. But Drusilla's eyes didn't lose that harried, lost expression that worried Aurelia even more now that Drusilla was standing right in front of her.
"I can help you," Aurelia promised gently. "If you just tell me what's bothering you"
"No one can help me," Drusilla muttered hopelessly, brushing a stray strand of hair from her face. Aurelia eyed her sister-in-law thoughtfully and waited. If there was one thing she had learned about Drusilla, it was that she had a tremendous need to communicate herself to others. Quietly, Drusilla confessed that she was pregnant and avoided her gaze. Aurelia closed her eyes and tried to recall the family tree of the Julio-Claudian dynasty in her mind. Blinking, she opened her eyes and gently inquired about her husband.
"My husband," Drusilla laughed hysterically. "Him I haven't touched in years and so now he wants a divorce. Of all times."
Reassuringly, Aurelia put her hand on Drusilla's shoulders and gave her time to calm down. Only then did she inquire as to who then could be the father. Tentatively, Drusilla raised her head and returned her gaze. Marcus Aemilius Lepidus. Just a whispered name in a dark corridor and yet a shiver ran down Aurelia's spine. Another piece of the puzzle moved into place, completing the mosaic.
"Is he married?", Aurelia wanted to know thoughtfully, although she thought she already knew the answer. Drusilla shook her head, confirming Aurelia's thoughts. Smiling, Aurelia tucked Drusilla's unruly strand of hair back into her elaborate hairstyle.

Suddenly, a hand settled on her hip and gently pulled her against a warm body. Eagerly, she sucked in his familiar scent and relaxed against him. Instantly she forgot everything else around her.
"Thank you for taking care of my sister," he murmured in her ear, his breath brushing warmly and tickling the back of her neck. Laughing, she turned to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. His sky-blue eyes sparkled like two precious stones in the dull light of the oil lamps. Automatically he put his arms around her and instantly she felt safe.
"Where you are Gaius, I am Gaia," she whispered. Instantly his eyes darkened, and he pulled her closer. A finger tapping Gaius on the shoulder burst her little bubble and reminded her that they were not alone.
"Your guests are starving, and the food cannot be served without you," Claudius admonished with mock rebuke, winking amusedly at Gaius. Gaius sighed softly as Aurelia broke away from him and grabbed her hand. Smiling, he pulled her to her seats and dinner could begin.
No sooner had the last course been carried off than Gaius gave her a meaningful look. She understood what he was thinking. What else were they going to wait for? Another time the whole family would not be together. But her gaze flitted over Gemellus, Drusilla and Messalina and somehow it didn't seem right. Happily, Gaius tried to lie up straighter, but her delicate hand pressed him unobtrusively back into the soft cushion. She was still smiling, her eyes fixed warmly on her family who were having their usual conversations. Out of the corner of her eye she watched as Gaius eyed her questioningly and as she relaxed, resting her head on his shoulder, the tension slowly drained from his body. A little later, Gaius' secretary entered Hesiod and discreetly reminded Gaius that in a few minutes Gemellus' punishment would begin. Gaius nodded expressionlessly and rose. Then he turned to Gemellus with a sad smile. Gemellus nodded, jumped off his couch and strode out of the dining room together with Gaius. Quickly, everyone present rose from their seats and followed the two through the dark corridors. Without Gaius' warmth, Aurelia began to shiver and put her arms around herself. As she stepped out into the courtyard with the others, she joined Gaius and Gemellus, who were standing next to two beautiful horses. To her surprise, another figure broke away from the crowd and swung onto one of the horses. Only now did Aurelia notice that they were already saddled.
"Don't worry about us," Gemellus implored Gaius urgently and Aurelia sensed that Gaius would have liked to retort something, the many onlookers at their backs stopping him.
"All the best," Aurelia wished, inwardly kicking herself for not being able to think of anything better than such a phrase to say goodbye. But Gemellus gave her a warm smile, then nodded to Gaius, raising his hand in farewell to his other relatives. After that, all emotion drained from his young face. Seriously, Gemellus mounted his horse and looked at the city that was the centre of their world. Demonstratively, he turned his horse and rode out into the night without turning around once more. The second rider followed him with his cloak flowing. Behind them the gate closed with such finality that tears came to Aurelia's eyes. In a few hours his ship would sail from Ostia. Hopefully Gemellus would find the peace that did not exist in Rome.
Gaius took a deep breath, then slipped his warm fingers between her cold ones and pulled her back into the warmth of the villa.