Aurelia || SERIES ROMANA I

Chapter 57 ~ Fata fortunasque

Suddenly Aurelia tensed in his arms and could no longer take her eyes off his nephew. Inconspicuously, Gaius gently stroked her waist, but she did not seem to notice his reassuring gesture. Abruptly she broke away from him and explained that she needed a moment to herself after the long night. No sooner had the last word faded than she rushed out of the room. No one held her back. Thanks to his years of practice, he was adept at hiding his confusion from his family. For a second, he considered giving Aurelia her space, but her reaction to little Lucius' name had frightened him to the core. He nodded to Agrippina and was about to follow Aurelia when a hand on his arm held him back. Annoyed, he looked at the person holding him back.
"You can't ignore the signs anymore, brother," Agrippina implored him and Gaius ignored her. Gruffly, he shook off her hand, which fell powerlessly back on the bed, and Gaius hurriedly followed his wife out of the room. Feverishly he searched the alcoves, balconies and latrines. But nowhere did he discover her familiar golden hair. Worried, he made his way to their shared chambers. There he finally found her cowering on the floor with her eyes closed, a bowl of vomit beside her. Of course, she had checked herself until she felt safe. Slowly he sat down beside her and silently took her hand. She was ice cold. Her face was unnaturally pale. Tears streamed down her cheeks and dripped onto her stole. Her severe hairstyle had almost completely disintegrated so that her hair flowed tangled and golden over her shoulders. The sight of her broke his heart. He would have liked to take her in his arms and assure her that everything would be all right again.
"I'm fine," she said in a shaky, hollow voice, as if she needed to convince herself, and rested her head on his shoulder. Concerned, he kissed the top of her head. He knew she was anything but fine. Her nerves were raw. Just then she thought that she had probably upset her stomach on something. If only it were that.
"Stop it," he murmured softly, and she fell silent. Her eyelids fluttered open, and she blinked at him in confusion.
"You haven't upset your stomach, Aurelia," he explained softly, taking a deep breath. But one of them had to finally say it. Only then would it become real.
"I've been through this before," Gaius continued seriously. "You are expecting a child - our child"
Wide-eyed, she looked at him silently. Out of reflex, she placed her free hand on her stomach insecurely. Somehow, he had imagined this conversation to be different. Somehow more carefree. Farther away in the future.
With a heavy heart, he began to tell her about his first wife, Iunia. It was the first time he told another person the whole, true story. His marriage had been arranged by Tiberius four years ago. Everyone knew that she had been Tiberius' mistress at the time and that all he had hoped for from the marriage was a loyal spy in his kinsman's bed. He spent his wedding night in the next room while Tiberius was enjoying himself with her. By then she was already pregnant. But Gaius had no other reason to touch her. He did not love her. He did not even desire her and so he was only too happy to make room for the old man. Iunia did not survive the birth and her daughter also died a few hours after birth. Tiberius had already had a new playmate for three months and had already forgotten about Iunia.
"Why are you telling me all this?" asked Aurelia quietly, nervously tugging at the hem of his toga. Concerned, he brushed the hair from her face and lifted it gently.
"I can't lose you," he confessed softly, and her features softened. Her lips pulled into a fine smile.
"I have crossed oceans of time to find you," she breathed, and all his fears, worries and dark thoughts fizzled out. Passionately, he pulled her to him and simply let go.
He gazed happily at his beautiful wife. Her eyelids fluttered open, and her sea-blue eyes beamed at him with love. At the same moment, Gaius caught himself thinking that the child might inherit her beauty. He or she would turn the head of every woman or man in the Empire. The whole world would be at his or her feet, as it had been for their mother.
"What are you thinking about?" asked Aurelia cautiously, and Gaius only meant that he could hardly wait to know the sex of their child. Aurelia pursed her lips and propped herself up on her elbow.
"Why is this so important to you?" she wanted to know, and her tone made him sit up and take notice. He quickly replied that he just wanted to know what kind of suitor he had to keep away for years to come. Aurelia relaxed a little.
"The sex depends on you anyway," she said, leaning back calmly. Gaius only snorted in amusement. The next moment her eyes bore coolly into his and she began to lecture him about acids and the letters X and Y. At first, he tried to follow. At first, he tried to follow, but he simply lacked imagination or background knowledge, which she declared to be scientifically proven. When she asked him if he had understood her, he nodded artfully and quickly changed the subject. For a while longer they fantasised about the future of their unborn child. Aurelia's carefree laughter echoed deep in his heart and Gaius realised how much he loved this woman. She was truly a gift from the gods, and he would do everything in his power to ensure that she would share in the future of their child.

For hours, Gaius had been burying himself in the documents on his desk, but he just wasn't getting anywhere. There was nothing he would rather do than join Aurelia and sink into a deep sleep with her in his arms. But he was the head of this state. There was no day off for him and if there was, then he had to catch up on what he had missed during the night.
That night, however, he was not at his best. Again and again, he caught himself looking over at Aurelia with a smile. His sister had been right. Talking to Aurelia about the child had made it a reality. They would soon become parents. Soon he would have an heir to show for it. But this knowledge held a new danger for Aurelia. Gemellus and Macro's little conspiracy had made Gaius realise that the threat to his family posed by his enemies was also real. The news of Aurelia's circumstance had to be spread among the people at the right moment and as Gaius went through the tax receipts of the last few months, the more aware he became that together they would manage everything. After the death of his father and the fall of his mother, Gaius had feared love. If you loved someone dearly and lost them, you also lost a part of yourself. Gaius had forgotten how happy his life had been with his parents and it was only through Aurelia that he felt as if he had found himself again. She not only made him happy, but she also completed him.
"Why aren't you asleep?" a sleepy voice snapped him out of his thoughts and caught, he investigated Aurelia's tired face. He put the papyrus aside and remained silent. Aurelia rolled her eyes, grasped the page, and squinted tiredly as she read, due to the dull light of the oil lamp. A moment later she slowly put the papyrus back in its place and gently stroked Gaius' hair.
"Let's do this together in the morning," she murmured, pressing a light kiss to his head, and taking his hand.
"The night is for sleeping, not working," she explained, tugging gently on his hand. Hastily he extinguished the oil lamp and then immediately let her pull him along willingly. Tired, she plodded along and no sooner had her head settled back on her pillow than she fell asleep. Smiling, Gaius put his arms around her and closed his eyes. Tomorrow he would tell her about his ideas. Hadn't even the great Cicero needed his Terentia from time to time to get ahead? It was time to change Rome together. Their child should not grow up in the city that had almost destroyed his family.