Aurelia || SERIES ROMANA I

Chapter 55 ~ Irretrievable

For three hours now, Gaius had been watching this pile of misery cowering in front of him and had not even begun to get anything out of him that could be of use to him. For hours he had been standing at the other end of the cell, looking down on Gemellus and waiting for him to finally stop wasting his precious time. Inside Gaius knew that this stupid boy could be the key, but he was tired of waiting. For ten days now he had been coming down to Gemellus and waiting for a sign. But for ten days he had been huddled together, sniffling, and whining after his little Persian whore. Gaius was tired of waiting.
"You know what you have to do. You've done it before - to me," a voice murmured in his head and Gaius froze. Tiberius was dead. He himself had lit the funeral pyre according to the old customs. Irritated, Gaius shook his head. Gemellus simply needed more time to think about everything. He just needed to be a little more patient with the boy, and he would get what he wanted.
"Look at him," his grandmother's voice purred in his thoughts. "Gemellus is weak and stupid. Never will he be of any use to you"
Thoughtfully, Gaius eyed his cousin again, but this time a tiny bit more intently. Gemellus didn't even notice. He was just too caught up in his own dark world.
"Do it!" hissed Tiberius and Antonia angrily. Suddenly Gaius understood what Tiberius had been waiting for in vain with him in Capri. For this was precisely where Gemellus had arrived: Trapped in his world of only loneliness and pain, Gemellus had given up on himself. He was broken and would be of no use to Gaius or anyone else. Serenely, Gaius pulled the sword from the scabbard of the praetorian closest to him and threw it at Gemellus' feet. The latter stared uncomprehendingly down at it for a long time. Suddenly he raised his eyes in horror as he finally understood. Gaius calmly returned his pleading look. Once again Gemellus began to cry heartbreakingly. Only with difficulty did Gaius swallow his feelings and his insides froze into ice. It had to be done.
"The choice is yours, Gemellus," he said coldly. "I don't care if you are publicly executed like the traitor you are, or if you choose the more dignified death here and now. But choose now"
Sobbing, Gemellus opened his mouth for the first time in ten days and spoke in a voice quivering with fear, "I don't even know how to do this!"
Impatiently, Gaius rolled his eyes. Of course, Gemellus had no idea; unlike Gaius, he had also always been coddled by Tiberius. Quietly, Gaius gave the order to the praetorian, whose sword still lay untouched in front of Gemellus, to enlighten the boy. With firm steps the Praetorian approached Gemellus and Gaius thought he remembered that his name was Rufus. Emotionless, he instructed the prisoner in the simplest, quickest and most dignified method of disembowelling himself, while Gemellus stared at Gaius out of puffy eyes, silently begging for forgiveness. But it was too late for that. It was now time for Gaius to behave not like a man but like a ruler, and rulers had to destroy threats to their rule before they could be destroyed by it. He wondered if Tiberius had guessed that it would eventually come down to this. One of them had had to die from the start, for neither could rule in safety while the other was still alive. For the moment, all Gaius knew was that he desperately wanted to live. No matter what the cost.
After a while Rufus fell silent and discreetly stepped back to his post. Trembling, Gemellus stared at the sword at his feet. Then his eyes pleadingly sought Gaius' one last time, but Gaius remained firm. He had made his decision. Gemellus swallowed nervously, bent down and grasped the sword with trembling hands. Shakily he straightened up and tried in vain to get his emotions under control. Tears dripped onto the blade like blood. Slowly, Gemellus turned the hilt, which was wobbling badly in his hand, so that the tip was aimed at his chest, as he jerked his head up, his gaze fixed firmly on Gaius.
Suddenly there were footsteps through the walls and Gemellus lowered his blade, confused by the new sound. Irritated, he looked towards the approaching men, probably the changing of the guard. Before Gaius could angrily reprimand his prisoner to stop holding him, a shadow shot past him and knocked the sword from Gemellus' unsteady grip, while at the same moment a gentle, warm hand rested on Gaius' arm. His gaze wandered in wonder from the small hand up the slender arm to the beautiful face until he sank into the sea-blue eyes of his stunningly beautiful wife. The deep sadness and great fear for him instantly cleared his thoughts. Gaius swallowed hard, but he was unable to move.
"Don't do that," she begged him softly, tenderly placing her other hand on his cheek. Her gentle touch drove the coldness from his body and her words echoed deep within him.
"Give him some more time to think about your offer. If he still refuses after that, then let others make that decision, which will otherwise destroy you."
Affected, he held her gaze. Did she not understand that he was doing this for her too? Gemellus was a threat to them both and would remain so throughout his life. Who could take this decision away from him? He was the princeps, the first man in the state. His word was law. Though tears shimmered in her eyes, the firm resolve in them moved Gaius deeply and he realised she was right. If he made this decision himself, he would irrevocably destroy a part of himself.
"This one," she continued, pointing her head at Gemellus. "This is not you. Don't become someone you never wanted to be just because you think there is no other solution. But there is always another way, my love. You don't have to make this decision"
Sobbing, he pulled Aurelia into his arms and buried his face in her hair, seeking protection. Relieved, her body relaxed. She just held him silently and against her shoulder he allowed himself a moment of weakness as if they were alone in their chambers and not in Gemellus' cell. While the storm of his emotions raged within him, she anchored him to reality. Like the south wind, she swept away the darkness that had tried to overtake him. Once again, she had saved him from himself. Without her, he was lost.
Exhausted, he slowly released his clasping grip and gently placed his hand on her cheek as if it were made of precious glass and might shatter into a thousand tiny pieces under his fingers if he wasn't careful. In her eyes he found the reassurance and strength he so desperately needed for the coming weeks. Confidently, he turned to his cousin.
"I'm sorry, Gemellus," he heard himself say distantly. "I should not have taken my impatience out on you. Take the time you need and think about my offer. I will not judge you now or in the future. But I can help you if you finally make your statement."
Something had changed about Gemellus since Aurelia had stormed into the cell. For the first time in months, he seemed perfectly lucid and calm. But Gaius was too drained to worry about that. Carefully, he slipped his hand into Aurelia's and was about to leave the room with her when she gently held him back. With a serious expression, she turned her attention to Gemellus.