325: The One Without Memories

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TONI POV:

"No! No! No!" Cheryl screams grabbing my arm as we go upside down. I look over and smile as the ride slows down and we go to get off. "You ok?" I ask quietly. "No! I hated that!" She yells. I look at her. "Really?" I ask quietly. "No! It was super fun." I smile. "Told you!" We get off the ride. "Now what?" She ask quietly. "We could get something to eat." I suggest. "Ice cream?" She ask. I shrug. "You can." I say quietly. "I'm lactose intolerance." I tell her. "I'll get a hot dog or something." I say quietly.

I hand Cheryl an ice cream and sit down next to her. "Can I ask you something?" Cheryl ask as she eats her ice cream. I nod. "I saw a pin that you had on your bag." I look at her. "Yeah." I nod. "What are your pronouns?" She ask quietly. "Oh that one!" I say smiling. "They/them." I tell her. "But I don't hate She/her, just I prefer gender neural pronouns for me." She nods. "You?" I ask quietly. "Oh! She/her." I nod. "Is that why you go by Toni?" I shrug. "I don't know. I've always used it. My little brother could never pronounce my full name so we all just called me Toni." I explain. I take a deep breath thinking about him. "You ok?" Cheryl ask realizing my mood is down. "Yeah! Just thinking about my brother." I tell her. "What happened?" She ask quietly. "He died at a very young age." I whisper. "I'm sorry." She whispers. "He got cancer, when he was 2 and died at 4." I explain. "How old were you when this all happened?" She ask quietly. "I was 6 when he was diagnosed." I tell her. "He would have been 20 today." I add. "It must be hard." I nod. "Yeah." I whisper. "My brother died too." I look at her. "It wasn't anything close to what happened with yours but still." She says quietly. "How?" I ask her. "We were in high school. My father killed him." I take a deep breath. "I'm sorry. That must have been hard." I tell her. She nods. "I can't imagine the pain you went through." I whisper. "What about you?" She ask quietly. "You got to know him. I didn't. As hard as that is, I feel like knowing him better would have made that harder." I tell her. She nods. "Makes sense." She says quietly. "If you need to talk. I'm always here." I tell her.

I roll over and look at Cheryl. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" She ask quietly. "I wasn't ready." I tell her. She nods. "You?" I ask quietly. "Same." I nod. "Good to know we're weirdly on the same page." She smiles a little. "Today was fun." She tells me. I nod. "It was." I smile. "I think the best rollercoaster was your-." We get interrupted by a knock. "Fuck! My roommate is home." I whisper. "Also, really?" She smiles. Fangs comes in. "Oh! I didn't realize you had a friend over." He says quietly. "Friend?" I ask. "She's my girlfriend! We've been together for 3 months now." I tell him. "Oh!" He says quietly. "I thought she was just another person you slept with." I look at him confused. "I haven't slept with anyone else is 3 months! You know this!" I yell pissed. "Well, I don't really pay attention to you!"  I get up and walk over to him. "Get out!" I push him out the door. "This is the 3rd time you've done something like this! What the fuck is wrong with you!" I say pissed. "I'm sorry." He says sadly. "I just don't want you to cheat." I sigh. "Fangs." I whisper. "I'm not! I really like her. I'm not messing this one up." I tell her. "Go to bed, you have work in the morning." He nods. "I'll have breakfast for you. Ok?" He nods again. "Do you need help?" I ask him. He shakes his head before going into his room. I walk into the bedroom. "I'm sorry about him." I tell Cheryl. "He scared me for a second." I smile. "Yeah. He has memory problems! He was hit by a car a few years ago and can't remember things. This is the 3rd person he's done this with." I explain. "You're the first one not to throw a large object towards my face requesting that I die and burn in hell!" I tell her. "I trust you, also we spend almost every day together and I know you're one of those people who comes home and crashes after a long day with someone." She explains. "I don't think you're going out and sleeping with people after our dates." I nod. "Ew! You know me to well." She smiles. "Well, I didn't know you were non-binary." She says quietly. "I probably should have told you that sooner shouldn't I?" She nods. "I'm sorry about that." She shrugs. "You're good." She smiles. She kisses me. "Really?" She nods. I smile. "Thanks." I whisper. "I'd be stupid not to." I roll my eyes. "Whatever." I whisper. "Why haven't you kicked him out yet?" She ask quietly. "If he's causing you this much trouble." She adds. "Because I take care of him. I get him to work and make sure he has his life together." I tell her. "Me and our friend help. So if you see a really tall guy with black hair here, he's Sweet Pea, he looks scary but he's super nice and wouldn't hurt a fly." I explain.

I put a cup of coffee in front of Fangs. "Eat up." I tell him. "Sweet Pea will be here in a few minutes." I whisper. He nods and eats. I look at Cheryl. "You heading out?" I ask her. "Yeah! I have work." She tells me. I nod. "Ok." I smile. I pull her into a kiss. "See you tonight?" She ask quietly. I nod. "Yeah." I smile. "What time?" I ask quietly. "6?" I nod. "I can do that." I smile. She kisses me again before leaving. "Who was that?" Fangs ask quietly. "My girlfriend." I whisper. He nods. "Don't sleep with someone else." He says quietly. "That's a smart idea, I'll keep that in mind." I tell him. He nods. "That was bad last time." He says quietly. I hit his shoulder harder than I should have. "Shut up!" I say pissed. "Why are you so mean to me?" He ask confused. "I'm sorry." I whisper. "You just remind me of my brother and it's just hard." He nods. "I'm not." I nod. "I know." I whisper holding back tears. "I know." I walk out of the kitchen to the bathroom, sit on the toilet and cry. I hear Sweet Pea come into the house so I try to collect myself and walk out. "Hey!" I smile. Fake it until you make it, right? I look at him. "You ok?" He ask quietly. I nod. "Yeah!" I whisper. He nods and grabs Fangs stuff. "Ok, lets get going. I'll bring him home around 3." I nod. "Ok." I whisper. They walk out and I collapse onto the ground as I start crying.

I look and see Sweet Pea standing at the door. "What's wrong?" He ask quietly. "I can't get out of bed." I tell him. He walks over to me. "Toni..." I shake my head. "Please, just let me sit here and die." I whisper. "You know I can't do that." He tells me. I shake my head. "Have you been drinking?" He ask quietly. "I'm fine." I whisper. "Toni, talk to me. What's wrong?" He ask concerned. "I'm tired." I say quietly. "Have you been taking your meds?" He ask moving hair out of my face. I shake my head. "They make me numb." I whisper. "This doesn't?" He ask holding up a bottle of vodka. "It's different." I whisper. "Is it?" I nod. "Let's get you to a meeting." He whispers. "Ok?" I nod. "Then we'll get you sobered up and get you back on your meds." He explains.

I stand up. "I'm Toni. I was sober for 2 years until about 7 hours ago." I tell the group. "I ah! I got reminded about how I cheated on my ex wife a few times by my friend. Who's honestly just trying to look out for me but because he has some issues himself he doesn't know when to stop!" I explain. "He also reminds me of my brother who died when I was 6. He feels like my brother and it scares me." I whisper. "I don't know." I say quietly.

"Why didn't you come last night?" Cheryl ask quietly. "There's some stuff I have been hiding from you." I tell her. "I just want you to know that I have been doing a lot better recently!" I add. She nods. "I'm a recovering alcoholic. Up until yesterday I had been sober for 2 years. I relapsed." I tell her. "I was married! My divorce was finalized a year ago. I have a daughter that I'm not allowed to see. Not even over FaceTime. I have anger management issues that I am getting help for!" I explain. "Why aren't you allowed to see your kid?" She ask quietly. "Because my ex wife thinks that I was to abusive to see her. Just so you know, I never hit her of my kid! I was just drunk and angry." She nods. "I'm also Bipolar." I add. "I'm sorry. I probably fucked everything up-." She stops me. "You didn't." She tells me. I nod. "Ok." I whisper. "Did you cheat on her?" I nod. "That's why Fangs said what he said." I tell her. "That's a lot of information at once." I nod. "I'm working to see my kid again." She nods. "That's good!" She smiles. "How old is she?" She ask quietly. "3." I whisper.

"Well?" Sweet Pea ask quietly. "She didn't dump me." I say in shock. "That's good." I nod. "You got this." He says handing me an envelope. "You want to see her again right?" I nod. "Pay it." He whispers shoving it into my chest. I take a deep breath. "Is Fangs ok?" He nods. "Just went to sleep." I nod.

2 months later

I look at Cheryl. "What's up?" She ask quietly. "Fangs is at therapy for the next few hours so we have the place to ourselves." I whisper. "Hours?" I nod. "He's getting testing done to see how he's going, he gets them every couple of months." She nods. "What do you want to do?" I ask her. "Movie?" I nod.

I don't know what this is but whatever

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