MONSTER --- natasha romanoff x fem oc

Chapter 61

It didn't get a lot better the following weeks.

Freya still had to remind Natasha to eat something, they had to comfort each other after horrible nightmares, if they could even sleep at all, and the gleaming of the knife still looked at Freya and she was unable to resist it.

But Natasha started talking a bit more. She asked Freya how she was, she talked with her about updates from around the world and they even went out grocery shopping together. But something was still different. Everything was different now.

Natasha probably noticed that something was up with Freya, since she often asked her if everything was all right, and Freya didn't miss her glances to where the sleeve of her sweatshirt always hid her old and new lines on her wrists. But she never urged Freya to do or say anything she wasn't ready for, she just offered her help where she could.

Until one evening, where Freya came out of the bathroom after one of her impulses had driven her to cut her usually long hair up to her shoulders. It didn't look neat or had the same lenght anywhere, but Freya didn't care. She just had to do something with it.

And when she got into Natasha's bedroom, where both of them currently slept, Natasha barely looked up from her book, before looking again and seeing what was in front of her.

"You cut your hair", she said and crawled out of the bed. She walked over to Freya and went through the uneven ends, her fingers going through every knot they could find.

"Yeah, I wanted to change it up a bit." Freya tried to sound as if it was the most natural thing in the world for her, but she knew that Natasha didn't buy it. Her girlfriend stopped stroking her hair and looked Freya in the eyes.

"What is wrong with you, Freya?" Out of every other mouth it would have sounded reproachful, but if Natasha said it it was purely out of concern.

"Just... everything right now", Freya said, deeply hoping that it would be enough for Natasha. But it wasn't.

"There's something else." Natasha cocked her head, still not breaking eye contact.

"I am okay, really." Freya reached out to put a strand of Natasha's hair behind her ear - and that was her mistake.

The sleeve of her sweatshirt fell back, enough to reveal the first few lines, some white, some still red. Immediately, Freya pulled back her arm, but Natasha didn't miss it.

"Freya, what was that?", she asked and reached out to touch Freya's arm, but she turned away, quickly pulling down the sleeve again.

"It's nothing", she said.

"Why are you wearing long sleeves?", Natasha kept on asking.

"I'm just cold, that's all."

"Freya, it is mid-summer."

"So, the nights are still cold?"

Natasha took one step closer. "Even in the deepest of winter, you never sleep with long sleeves because you say you don't like the feel of it, and now, in mid-July, you sleep wearing a sweater, probably sweating like hell underneath, so Freya..." Natasha took a deep breath and held out her hand. "Freya, please."

Freya bit her lip and closed her eyes, begging her tears to stay down. Not now, not now, not now.

"Freya, you don't have to hide from me. Whatever it is, we will battle it together. You don't have to go through this alone, I want to help you. But I can only so if you talk to me."

Slowly, Freya raised her arms, and with gentle fingers, Natasha carefully pushed back the sleeves. Her eyes fell on the lines cutting through the wrists, already a few days old, but some just from this morning.