Book Reviews

Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining

Cover: So the cover... I do like the cover at the moment, but it's just not right for your story. It is nice, but I think just too aesthetic for a book cover. It needs to TELL me what the story is about. I would take a picture of a closer up couple- if that's what you want to do. I would move towards a sole male picture though- to represent the feelings Mr. Levi went through. I hope this makes sense. Show how he 'has no purpose in life'. You could even incorporate a literal silver line? You could do a couple if this is the focal point in your story, Mr. Levi finding love.

My ideas:

Blurb: I really like this blurb! My only problem is that it doesn't tell me much about the story, just about Mr. Levi. The 'essence' part suggests to me that he will find love, and that someone will bring out the best in him- solving his emptiness. I would just actually include this in the blurb.

'This was until he met Melissa Edwards, a 28-year-old teacher with a passion for people.' An example that doesn't relate to your story. It doesn't have to be a lot as you want to keep the main parts of your story a secret, just a bit more info to help us understand the story.

YOURS 

Mr. Levi has no purpose in life. He's empty and no one would care to uplift it because the recent tragedy has convinced almost everyone around him that he's gravely unfortunate. But he knows he's got to learn to live, love, give and climb the stairwell of clouds to heaven in the end as he's been taught. But he doesn't know where to begin...until he gets the essence of it. It's what's called whatever that makes one happy.You can never know what it is that truly makes you happy.

ADAPTATIONS

Mr. Levi had no purpose in life. He was empty. Unfixable you could say. Broken. No one could care enough to lift his spirits due to the recent tragedy he suffered through. The events convinced almost everyone around him that he was gravely unfortunate- a case that could not be pieced back together by words of the public. He knew that he had to learn how to live again. To love, give, and climb the stairwell of clouds to heaven in the end- or so he's been taught. What he doesn't know, is where to begin. Until he gets the essence of it. {INSERT SLIGHT INTRODUCTION TO WHAT HAPPENS. WHAT IS THE ESSENCE?} 

You can never know what it is truly you desire. What really makes you happiest.

Flow: Okay, so my first point. For me, I really don't like the tense it is in at the moment. Like Mr. Levi is doing everything as we speak- the present tense. I would REALLY suggest changing it all to past tense. This just works so much better for your story. I don't even know why, it just creeps me out when stories are written in the present tense- it's like the story isn't set. As it is happening as I read, anything can happen. It just sounds weird, like you are narrating someone's whole life. Which-yes- you are doing but you get the point. It's like someone walking next to you and narrating everything you do. This is how I would change it:

Mr. Levi was walking home in the mildly dark and drizzly weather. The soft patter of rain left wet traces on his black coat, sliding down his shoulders gracefully. Unfortunately for him, his coat did not have the same waterproof qualities the kids' had today, and so his shoulders became slightly moist with every drop. He couldn't decide whether his residing anger was coming from his failure to remember an umbrella, or that he forgot the way home. He stumbled- one or twice- forgetting to turn a simple corner. In the dark, it was harder for him to see his path, and the streetlights didn't do much good. They were dim and washed away by the evergrowing temper of the rain. His breathing was still, which confused him. Surely his angry temper would change his breathing pattern? Nevertheless, he kept moving, gradually growing closer to his home with every step.

Aside from the tense, I really couldn't find any problems with your writing. You have a beautiful style!

My only other slight problem is that you move around too quickly.

This is your first three paragraphs. By the third, we are already in the next day! You should have spent at least those first three paragraphs bringing Mr. Levi home. The first chapter is the most important in any story. You need to establish everything that the reader needs to know, but it needs to be engaging. In other words, you can't move around that fast, or the reader can't get used to Mr. Levi. I would recommend following Mr. Levi through the rain, until the point he reaches his door. I would talk about his inner thoughts, ad everything he has been through. Rainy days can be a great time to think, and so you should establish Mr. Levi through that whole chapter. I would do 8-10 minutes of just establishing his looks, background, and thoughts. Then you can move to the present in the next chapter. E.g, the next day. Simply put, the whole first chapter would be a giant flashback, mixed with present-day flashes to the rain.

Chapter Size: I didn't check all, but they all ranged from 3-5 minutes. I always recommend not going under 5 minutes. We will use this as a statistic.

Most writers recommend going between 3000-5000 words per chapter. Yours are ranging from about 675 and 1125. This seriously low. Obviously, I would recommend extending the sizes of your chapters. You can easily do this by merging chapters together- just make sure that you are keeping the subject of each chapter the same, and not changing it 100 times every chapter. I would aim for 8-10 minutes, which yes, isn't 3000-5000 words, but it is a great amount for Wattpad!!