Book Reviews

ʜᴇᴀʀᴛʙʀᴇᴀᴋᴇʀ

Cover: I honestly really dislike the cover... Sorry!! I think that the emoji things look a bit weird, and there is just a large open black hole. Also, there is no author name?? I will do my best to create a cover, but there is not much to go off. I had to research what Steven Universe was, as I had no clue, but I will try my hardest!! I think this is a fanfiction of the steven universe thing, so I do not know whether or not the characters are copyrighted and if I can use them for your cover?? 

Anyways, here's what I came up with.

I researched who the Gems were in your book, and found that their colors were blue, grey, and green, so I incorporated them colors in gems on the cover. Also, Heartbreaker is a night fury, so I used one for the cover. I think? AHHAHA I HAVE NO IDEA. Lol, but you get the idea.

Blurb: I think that the blurb is weak at the moment- it doesn't tell me that much about the story, and isn't super interesting. As someone who has no idea what Steven Universe is, you NEED to make me want to read it through the blurb. It is also confusing, is the dragon's name Heartbreaker? Or is the dragon a heartbreaker, like does it break hearts. Anywho, it gets a bit confusing, so I will fix it for you. (That was a rhetorical question by the way, I am just pretending I am a new reader to show the confusion. I know the dragon is called heartbreaker)

YOURS

In the world of Steven Universe a dragon attacked leaving behind an abandoned town and three sad Crystal Gems. The trio must form some friends and save the day! The dragon Heartbreaker won't give up easily, and this mission sure won't be easy for anyone.ADAPTATIONS

In the world of Steven Universe, a ferocious dragon attacked anything and everything in its path, leaving behind only an abandoned town, a wreck with nothing alive left. All that is lasting are three distraught Crystal Gems, who must come together to form friends and save the rest of the world from the dragon's clutches. 

The dragon, Heartbreaker will stop at nothing to get its way, and the Gems' mission will most certainly not be an easy one.

Originality: There are only two chapters, so I can't really judge this section. I will say that it is not original due to the fact it is a copy of the Steven Universe.

Flow: Immediately, as you read the first paragraph, there are a sizeable amount of mistakes. I think you struggle with adapting your sentences, as all of them are simple. Also, the way you used a semi-colon is incorrect, you usually use them in place of and, or to connect two sentences, where one can not stand alone and make sense. 

For example:

 Lisa went shopping. It was good. 

The it was good has no context if said by itself. I just think of it as, could there be an and placed between the two?

Lisa went shopping and it was good.

If you can insert and, then it works.

Lisa went shopping; it was good.

In yours, you said:  A powerful dragon from another world; Heartbreaker.

It SHOULD be:  A powerful dragon from another world: Heartbreaker.

A colon (:) comes before a list.

For example:

Lisa went shopping and bought: Tomatoes, carrots, and a pear.

YOU COULD ALSO WRITE:

Lisa went shopping and bought: Tomatoes; carrots; pears; e.c.t

I hope this made sense!!

ORIGINAL

In the world of Steven Universe there is a war. A powerful dragon from another world; Heartbreaker. The Crystal Gems had the humans from Beach City evacuate before Heartbreaker arrived, they came back after the battle. it was tough, the battle went on, but the gems were defeated. Only three were able to escape and stay behind. Lapis, Peridot and Bismuth.

As I stated earlier, you seem to only use short sentences, which is honestly not the most interesting to read. I would recommend downloading Grammarly, and using that!! It is really helpful- you can just click on words and it will give you synonyms that are better.

FOR EXAMPLE:

If I write the word bad, and click on it, Grammarly will suggest: poor, evil, dangerous, unacceptable e.c.t. 

If you don't want to download it, just go to https://www.thesaurus.com/ and insert words there.

MY CHANGES

In the world of Steven Universe there is a war. An atrocious war. A war so powerful that the mass of destruction caused requested every human be evacuated from Beach city by the Crystal Gems. What caused the damage you ask? One of the most powerful and dominant dragons from another world: Heartbreaker. Though the Gems fought with all their might, they couldn't defeat the tough powers of Heartbreaker. They were defeated. Only three were able to escape and stay behind: Lapis, Peridot, and Bismuth.

Chapter size: There are only 5 minutes in each chapter, I would work on bumping this up to 8 maybe?? I think that this would work a lot better, and give your readers a more enjoyable experience. However, if there are large changes of events between each chapter, then don't merge them together.

Basics: Overall, I was confused about the plot, but I think- with a bit of editing and adaptation- it could be good. Please don't put my personal experience as one many people will share- my opinions are purely based off my lack of knowledge on the cartoon.