Book Reviews

ᴛʜᴇ ᴏᴠᴇʀʀᴀᴛᴇᴅ ᴠᴇʀꜱɪᴏɴ ᴏꜰ ʀᴇʟᴀᴛᴀʙɪʟɪᴛʏ

Cover: I ABSOLUTELY LOVE this cover. It is SO beautiful. It looks extremely professional, and so NEW- like I could see this on a shelf. It fits perfectly with the aesthetic of your story Just wow. All I would change is your name. I would darken the font and move it over. I would do this: (obviously didn't know what font you used, so I improvised.)

Blurb: I think that this is a really beautiful blurb, but maybe just a bit too long. When reading the reasons, I kind of wanted to stop. I would just shorten it down a bit. Then it would be perfect. Also, we need more about the plot, and not just facts about her.

YOURS 

Reasons why Raavi is your average teenage girl-

1)She does not have a personality.

2)She is as basic as a non-snowflake.

3)She is lazy enough to be passed off as a depressed teenage.

4)She has placed an order of a nitrogen cylinder to asphyxiate herself.

5)She wants to be in a John green novel.

Reasons why she SHOULD NOT be anywhere near Saransh,her nemesis and crush (and especially not make any deal with him)-

1)She has a nagging suspicion that he is better than her,as a person and all.

2)He apparently likes to engage with her.

3)He probably would not help her in world domination. 

4)He does seem like the person who calls suicidal people, cowards.

5)As beautiful as he is,he is not her John green novel hero.

She has a plan.

Some temporary chemical hormonal reactions cannot deter her from achieving her ultimate purpose.RIGHT!?

ADAPTATIONS

Raavi is your average teenage girl. My reasons?

1) She has zero connections with having a personality.

2) She is lazy enough to be passed off as a sloth.

3) She thinks she lives in a John Green novel. (Not part of the blurb but can I just say that I LOVE John green. The Fault In Our Stars is my favorite book)

4) She placed an order for a Nitrogen cylinder to asphyxiate herself.

Okay, maybe the last one isn't an average teen thing to do.

Raavi has a raging crush on her arch-nemesis, Saransh. Yes, that is quite contradicting, but isn't life so? She should not be allowed anywhere near his evil smirk and wickedly handsome eyes. Reasons why, you ask?

1) He apparently likes to engage in conversation with her. Raavi doesn't have the confidence to talk back.

2) In a case of world domination, he most likely would not be the one to help her.3) She has a nagging suspicion that he is better than her.

4) As beautiful as he is, he is not her John Green novel hero. 

She has a plan for her life, and some temporary hormonal reactions cannot deter her away from achieving her ultimate purpose.

Right. . .?

Originality: Lovely actually. I think this is a beautiful way of writing a love story. Your style reminds me a lot of the 'Geek Girl' stories- you may have read them.

Flow: Okay, I have a few points.

1) You need to start using spaces. 

You write like this:

I woke up.I got out of bed.I brushed my teeth.I went downstairs.

It should be:

I woke up. I got out of bed. I brushed my teeth. I went downstairs.

This also applies to commas and any other piece of grammar, excluding speech marks.

Your write like:

On waking up,I got out of bed,brushed my teeth,and went downstairs.

It should be:

On waking up, I got out of bed, brushed my teeth, and went downstairs.

2) You could find better ways of writing. You tend to start most of your sentences with I did this, I do that, and so on. 

Instead of:

Try:

I agree with her on that topic, but recently declared myself to be a liberal, thus being bound to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Closing my mouth, I keep quiet, hoping she would stop too. Frankly, I am already regretting my life choices, including the one about living vicariously. Clearly, my mother doesn't get the hint, and delves into a vivid description of the last time they had a fight- her want of peace forgotten.

So, you don't have to remove the I, just rearrange the sentences/ add new words in so you start your sentences differently.

3) Try to use some more grammar. Perhaps a dash (-)? You can use these instead of commas.

I went to the shop today- it was great.

You can also use them like brackets- to insert some information that can't stand alone.

My best friend- Olivia- wasn't nice to me today.

I think this use would make your work better.

Chapter size: 9-14 minutes long. Starts on 9 and ends on 14. Your chapters are getting increasingly longer. I wouldn't go much higher than the 15 mark, and would try and keep them all in that range. Perfect work!

Basics: Overall a great story from what I have read. Please go through and add the spaces. The rest of the work is great, that part if it is just so offputting, and it is the majority of it.