Book Reviews

Trust: Steps to your heart and soul

Cover: This cover is beautiful but, THIS PHOTO IS SO OVERUSED. Like SO overused. I must have seen it a thousand times on Wattpad already. I actually reviewed a book already with this photo. What I am trying to say is:there are so many more photos that can represent your book much better! Try to experiment. Take a subject from your book, and use that on your cover. Say your story is about aliens, you would put an alien on the cover, or something related to them. Understand?

Blurb: I feel like it is very long. I will rewrite it for you, and shorten it down. My main tip is to not use really long quotes, as this can be boring to read for a blurb. Imagine you are the last person on Earth, and you have 2 minutes to read a blurb- you want something quick, that tells you the entire story, giving nothing away. You want a hook, something that will get readers reading your story. No one wants to spend half an hour not understanding a blurb, they want to find out what it is about in a second so they can start reading. What makes your book better than everyone else's? Well, that's what your blurb is for. Your 2-minute chance to show them.

YOURS 

- 'As I sulkily dragged myself to a gents- no LADIES BATHROOM! Wait I'm no trans man, I'm a healthy functioning tomboy girl.'-"I LOVE YOUR DICK!" "BrUh YoU kIdDinG mE?!?!?!?!?!?"- "THEN WHY YOU GRAB MY DICK IN MY DREAM? AND THEN MAKE AN ISLAND OF BANANAS THAT ARE ACTUALLY YOUR DICK?"- "Stfu you Aquarius- pisces cusp whore!" After 5 minutes......."So we have stuffed the author in my car trunk so no problem."This is not a story about love between two girls. It is about building trust with each other. It's about finding love in a person, right in their soul. It's not a la la romance, it's a war for everyone. War with oneself and war with other narcissists. It's about a tomboy Ash who has deep feelings for her friend Kalynne. Her parents abandoned her when she was three. As she tries to find her confidence to admit her love to Kalynne, she also builds trust with her foster mother, with herself and her love. Life was never easy for Kalynne. Being surrounded with a family full of superficiality, she tries to grow out of the darkness which surrounds her. She tries to fight for her life, while trying to discover her feelings for Ash as she builds her trust in her best friend slowly but surely. Life is more chaotic for Kalynne as she is trying to hold herself when she feels betrayed by her own family and tries to gain her sense of security and stability, disattaching herself from the toxic environment, while she's trying to find a new family in her friends.Will their dreams take them where they want to go? Will their never ending war come to an end? Will Kalynne be ever able to discover this Light within her and this love?

ADAPTATIONS

This is not a love story.

This is a story about building trust.

A story about finding love in a person. Finding love in their soul.

This is not a love story. 

It is a war for everyone. 

A war with oneself, and a war with other narcissists.

***

Tomboy Ash Woods, aged 17 has been alone ever since her parents abandoned her when she was three. Don't get me wrong, she had people. Lots of people. Just not the right ones. This was until she developed feelings for her friend Kaylnne. As Ash tries to find the confidence to admit her love to Kay, she learns to build trust with her foster mother.

Life wasn't easy for Kaylnne either. 16, and surrounded by a family full of superficiality, she tried to grow out of the darkness that enveloped her. She lived a double life- fighting for it 24 hours a day, all while discovering her feelings for Ash. Kaylnne tried so hard to gain a sense of security, detaching herself from the toxic environment, and trying to find a new family in her friends.

Will their dreams take them where they want to go? Will their never-ending war come to an end? Will Kalynne be ever able to discover this light within her and this love?

Plot: I think that this is an interesting plot, which I do overall like. I like the idea of narcissism, and honestly, it seems really real and down to Earth. I feel like I know these characters on a personal level, like they are real. You have done a great job developing the plot!

Flow: Okay, so, I don't know how to put this... You write like a TikTok girl. I don't even know how to describe it.

Tbh, YoU write *nervous smile* Like THIS (blushes uncontrollably)

Now, this isn't the correct way to write, which I am sure you know. You shouldn't really use abbreviations like lol, and tbh, and btw as this just looks weird in writing, and isn't formal enough for a story. If your intentions are to publish this story one day, I would SERIOUSLY consider re-writing, with a more professional outlook. However, if not, then keep writing like this.

I personally found it very hard to read as you write like you are messaging a friend, which is offputting as I like to read professional writing. Many people will love this style, however, so keep doing what you are doing if you like, I would just urge you to cut back on the slang a little.

Another point is: Use a different line of text for new characters.

''When you talk like this,'' Lenny explained. ''It becomes very hard to...'' Harold carried on. ''Understand who is talking'' Lenny interrupted.

Do you see what I mean. It leaves you in the boat of having to say every time someone says something.

Instead of being able to write like this:

''Hey,'' Lenny whispered. ''How are you?''

You have to write like this:

''Hey,'' Lenny whispered. ''How are you?'' He questioned.

Which is much harder to read.

Characters: Good character development. I feel like we need more though. We don't get much of a description of the characters. Yes, you put the first chapter on the characters, but this doesn't count. These are only supposed to be to give the readers an idea. You actually have to include descriptions of characters in the actual story. Overall, good work.