Book Reviews

ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴏɴᴇ ᴅᴏᴇ

GIRL, CAN I JUST SAY:

I NEVER watch trailers on people's stories usually but YOURS. I saw Derek Hale and clicked IN A HEARTBEAT. God he is sexy. Mind my love for derek, but girllll that trailer was amazingggggggggg.

Cover: I love this cover, I think it expresses your story really well. The only thing I would change would be the calligraphy font. The font on 'The Lone' is so beautiful, I would like to see it on 'doe' as well. At the moment, the curlier font throws the cover off as it looks chalky, like a pink princess vibe. I would move the writing so each word is under the other. I will show you what I mean. Obviously, I don't have the picture and the fonts so ignore that.

Please tell me this makes sense to you.

Blurb: The blurb is good, but I would add some words into the main section, and take some words out of the quote, as that dominates the whole blurb. I will adapt it for you!!

YOURS 

"Please," I hear myself whimper, my voice rough, "Adrian..."

''Fuck, Jane, just tell me." He forces out as if the words themselves were poison. I could see the want in his eyes begging to be satisfied, but for some reason, he was restraining himself from going any further.

I bit my lip, finding my hand back on his. This time, I wasn't pushing him away.

"I wanted it to be you." I see his eyes darken in the shadows of the candlelight as I let him touch what he was making me feel, my breathing distinctively unsteady...

***I

n the midst of a war between packs, 19-year-old Jane finds herself alone. Running from her older brother, her Alpha, she trusts no one. But, when her brothers rival offers her food and shelter for a night, she can't help but accept. All without realising the risks, or the danger, that Alpha Adrian may hide...

ADAPTATIONS

"Please," I hear myself whimper, "Adrian..."

"Fuck, Jane, just tell me." He forces the words out like poison. I could see the want in his eyes, but for some reason, he was restraining himself from going any further.

I bit my lip, finding my hand back on his. This time, I wasn't pushing him away.

"I wanted it to be you." 

***

In the midst of a war between various packs, 19-year-old Jane finds herself abandoned and vulnerable. Running from her older brother- her one and only Alpha- has left her trusting nobody. But, when her brother's rival Adrian provides her food and shelter for the night, she can't help but allow the refuge. By accepting, she does the very thing she shouldn't have done, failing to acknowledge the risk; the danger, that he holds.

Originality: As I have stated in other reviews, I don't usually read these types of stories, so I don't really have an idea of how original the story is. I will say, it does seem to have a very basic structure, like another romance book: There is a helpless girl and a dangerous man that falls in love with her. I would recommend having something else to drive the plot along- in this case, you have the war. I think it works well overall. Keep up the good work.

Flow: Really not much to say here, you have a great range of punctuation, and your word usage s great. I think everything flows really well and goes well together. I am trying to think of something bad to say, but it was all perfect.

Actually, the only point I would make is your usage of 'I did this, I looked at that' This seems really simple, and can be improved greatly. This is an example I used for another persons review:

FOR EXAMPLE:

I ran down the stairs to grab my water bottle.

Running down the stairs, I swing my arm down the banister carelessly, not focusing on where I am heading. Raising my arm, I slide- with ease- down the remaining wood, and land perfectly on the hardwood floor. Swiftly, I scoop the blue water bottle from the floor and turn towards the door.

Obviously, you don't have to extend yours that much, but think of different ways to structure your sentences.

Chapter size: There is a bit of fluctuation in your lengths. You start on a roll, with 7-9 minutes chapters, then spike up to 16, back down again, and then back up to 14. From reading, I think this works fine, but I would try and reign in the spikes a bit. Try aim for all your chapters to be 9-14 minutes and I think this will work amazing!

Basics: Overall, really interesting!! Kepp up the amazing work. You have convinced me to make a trailer for my book. May I ask- Did you take random clips from google and put them together into a trailer?