Book Reviews

Top of the World

I DO NOT KNOW ANY OF THESE PEOPLE NAMED IN YOUR BOOK, SO CORRECT ME IF I GET SOMETHING WRONG.

Cover: I like this cover. My adaptations would be:

1) Change the font. I would do a more straight, bold font. Just so it looks more crisp/clean. 

2) I would then increase the size of the font so it stands out more.

3) I would write the title differently, like this:

Top

Of

The

World

4) I would move your name to the bottom, and make it slightly larger.

5) Download the app Remini, which basically makes your pictures crisper. This is optional, it would just take the blur off the photo. Also, I don't know if it is on Samsung or anything as I have apple.

Blurb: Short, but coordinated and tells me most of what I need to know. I feel like more needs to be added. What happens after she glitches in? For example, we need more information about what happens whilst she is in said world.

YOURS 

" ᴵ ᶠᵉᵉˡ ˡⁱᵏᵉ ᴵ'ᵐ ᵒⁿ ᵗᵒᵖ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ʷᵒʳˡᵈ ʷʰᵉⁿ ᴵ'ᵐ ʷⁱᵗʰ ʸᵒᵘ „

-----------------------------------------------------------Top of The World, but which one?Mayumi Kishi is struck with the unexpected when she suddenly glitches into the world she was trying to enter for months. But she soon realizes she hasn't thought everything through. What will her family think? Are her friends looking for her? What should she do next?

ADAPTATIONS

''I feel like I'm on top of the world when I'm with you''

***

The top of the world, but which one?

13 years old Mayumi Kishi experiences the most unexpected turn of events when she suddenly glitches into a world she had been trying to enter for months. It doesn't take long for her to realize that she hasn't thought everything through. What will her family think? Are they looking for her? What is her next move?

Plot: Overall, you have a very interesting plotline. You just need to stop with the time skipping every minutes. It is quite offputting and hard to read. honestly, when I first saw that your book was like a fanfiction, I got scared, as I have no idea who they are, I thought it was going to be like all those other fanfictions. However, it was much better than that, good job on the plot.

Flow: My first point is that there is no need for the 'first-person POV'. I would REALLY recommend keeping your story in one tense. You can change characters' points of view, for example, from one character to another. However, do not change the tense. It then makes it really easy for the reader to get lost as things are all over the place. You can talk in the past tense for a flashback, but that is it. Also, don't change the first person, third-person view. Choose one. You can't have it in a personal perspective to then change it to the writer's perspective.

Try to think of more interesting ways to start sentences. This happens in a lot of books, and I myself am even guilty of it. Starting sentences with 'I did this' or 'I do this'. You do this a lot. I would just put other words in front of it. Instead of:

I got up to brush my hair.

Write:

Standing up, I grabbed my brush and pushed it through my locks.

Much better see?

I would try and not use the ------------------------------ every two minutes, as it is quite annoying to read. Try changing perspective in every chapter. For you, the case is that you are trying to write so quickly, and get through a lot of things at once. Think to yourself whether or not something is necessary. Do you need to see a character doing something, or can you cut it out? Just try not to time skip a lot. Maybe once or twice per chapter.

You have written hehehehe in a speech part. I would take this out. You can show characters laughing just by saying 'she giggled' or 'she choked from laughter.

Characters: You have a great ability for character development. I think you could have a better description of what each character looks like, however. When we meet new characters, it is nice to add what they look like. We don't need a full paragraph on them, just a little hint. For example:

''Bella!'' I exclaimed as I watched a cloud of white hair exit the car, followed by a cold, hard face. My Grandma.

Overall, a lovely start!