Book Reviews

ᴡʜᴇɴ ᴏᴄᴛᴏʙᴇʀ ᴄᴀᴍᴇ

Cover: I love the cover!! I think it has a very autumnal look, and is generally a very appealing cover to look at. If I were to change anything, it would be where the 'written by' is, due to the fact your username is not underneath this, it is at the bottom. I would either scrap the 'written by' totally, or just move it down to the bottom, so it is just above your username. Also, there appears to be a paper-like white line surrounding the photo? I don't know if this is part of the actual picture, or an addition. Either way, I think it makes the cover look less professional. This is completely my own opinion, but I believe it would make the cover look a lot better if you changed it slightly <3

Blurb: I like the blurb, however, there are some mistakes. It does entice me to read, but I think removing the errors would make me want to read even more!! 

I will put the original blurb, and then my changes <3

ORIGINAL

"He is that wild thing that I love, my dark between the stars."

Eleanor Bentley is your average girl with a social elite family made up of a mom she can never please and of friends she adores. She spends hours with her nose in her phone texting to the boy she claims to be the love of her life. What happens when his true demons show and he creates the most traumatic moment of her life? What happens when traumatic events bring her the best gift of all?"

She laughed, my darling, you will never be unloved by me. you are too well tangled in my soul."

Atticus Odin is misunderstood and judged by the ink that paints his skin. He has more battle wounds than veins throughout his body and lives his life concealed in armor made of steel. He meets Eleanor and his life changes, what happens when he's there for the most traumatic moment of her life? What memories may surface?

CHANGES

''He is that wild thing that I love, my dark between the stars''

Eleanor Bentley is an average girl with a socially elite family made up from: a mom she can never please, and a friend she adores. She spends hours upon hours with her nose dug into her phone, messaging the boy she claims to be the love of her life. But what happens when his true demons come out, and create the most traumatic moment of her life?

She laughed, ''My darling, you will never be unloved by me, you are too well tangled in my soul''

Atticus Odin is misunderstood and judged by the ink that paints his skin. He has more battle wounds and veins throughout his body, and lives his life concealed in an armour made from steel. When he meets Eleanor, his whole life changes. But what shows when he is there for the worst moment in her life?

Originality: I read the entire book (all parts as of now)!! The book took me on a rollercoaster and a half. I love it so much. The emotion was so real, and I felt myself on edge after EVERY.SINGLE.CHAPTER.I have developed about 5 new crushes, and a rather strong hatred for a specific character. I just can't express how amazing it is!!

Flow: I love your opening sentence, I was thirteen when I fell in love with the idea of being in love. Though there are common mistakes in capitalization, especially in the letter I. I think your grammar is on track, and though there are minor spelling mistakes or capitalization in places, your vocabulary is very wide!! I would maybe dabble into using a semi-colon or a dash in a few places, just to spruce up the professionalism? I think that your sentences are simple at the moment, the majority of them beginning with 'I...' I would suggest trying out a different format every so often. For example:

Your sentence: I ran a hand over my face and turned around to turn on the shower, constantly checking it to make sure it was the right temperature.

Could become: Running a hand over my face, I turned toward the shower, sliding the dial and allowing the hot water to pour from the head. My eyes moved back and forth, routinely checking to see if the temperature was hot enough for me.

I think that your descriptive ability is good, but could become slightly better. I would just recommend focusing more on smaller details. Imagine you are Eleanor: what would you be doing. Think about your senses: Sight, smell, taste.

Chapter size: I think the chapters are on track at the moment. Depending on how much time you have, I would think about making your paragraphs a tiny bit longer, basically just making your sentences a bit longer. Your chapters are only about 7 minutes long, and I would aim for more, as that is most preferable through most users. I myself prefer longer chapters, but it is completely up to you! I just think that, in more professional books, the chapters range from 2000-4000 words, so maybe extend them slightly. (I don't know how many you have in each chapter, I can only see time, so if you are in this category keep doing what you are doing!!) I wouldn't recommend going under 1000.

UPDATE:

The chapter lengths are much longer now, towards the latter of the book, averaging at about 10-21 minutes. I definitely prefer the longer chapters, and you seem to have gone back down to 5 minutes at the very end. It is understandable that you have a life other than Wattpad!! I would definitely spend more time trying to keep them at 12-15 minutes long, and publish every so often, rather than 5 minute chapters more frequently. It is clear that the longer chapters have much more emotion and thought put into them. I really got attached to this story.

Basics: I want to scream, cry, and date every character in this book, except a certain someone hahah. THE BOOK IS SO GOOD SO FAR. I am emotionally invested and can't wait for future updates!!