Book Reviews

Indigo

19, 23, 27. END OF 25

Cover: Lovely cover. My points:

1) Take the @ out of your name and move it to the center of the bottom.

2) Whatever is under INDIGO is impossible to see. I would remove it entirely. OR make it larger.

3) Make INDIGO larger, and maybe test making it central. Also, play around with fonts.

I will edit and show you. Obviously, I had to cut out your text as I didn't have the original, so just ignore the fact it is zoomed in.

Blurb: A lovely blurb! I would make slight adaptations however to make the structure slightly better.

YOURS 

Imagine if the world was sorted into categories based on the purity of your soul...For Naomi, the world had always been the same. Until it wasn't. With the world topsy-turvy, she must navigate an unfamiliar landscape and discover what lies beneath the make-up of her soul. And find who she really is.

ADAPTATIONS

Imagine if the world was sorted into categories based on the purity of your soul.

***

For Naomi, the world had always been the same. 

Every blink, the same.

Every breath, the same.

Every minute of every day, the same.

Until it wasn't.

With the new system put into place, she must navigate an unfamiliar landscape, revealing what lies beneath the makeup of her soul.

Everyone must find out who she is.

But more importantly, she will discover who she really is.

Plot: A very interesting plotline! I have honestly never read anything quite like this- completely unique. I have no criticism or comments on the plot as it literally is perfect! Keep the great ideas coming!

Flow:

19

Wow, starting on a VERY emotional event. The flow is overall okay, but needs a bit of work. There were a few grammar mistakes, but these can be cleaned up in the editing stage. Also, I feel like the event went a bit fast, but also really slow at the same time. What I am trying to say is that the shock value wasn't there for me. We need more drama. It seems like the bullet was traveling slow, and everyone moving was slow, but we only see about two seconds of it. This is how it is fast but slow- I am confused too lol. This can be solved by not using so many simple sentences.

Using your first sentences as an example, I will adapt.

There was not a doubt in Megan's mind when she jumped up from behind the wall. The one place she was safest, she fled from. Hundreds of eyes darted to her, including the {I don't know what color her eyes are so is guess} teary green eyes belonging to her sister. The minute {I think her sister is Sadie idk} Sadie's eyes met Megans, she released the most piercing of screams, defining all those that stepped foot in the room. It was hell.

See, much better.

23

Okay, another emotional chapter. YOU ARE KILLING ME HERE. Lol, the emotion in this chapter is great as well, as we get to see more of the angry side of things. My only problem with this chapter is the structure.

A lot of your text is written like this and it really confuses me why there are so many gaps in the story. I would definitely recommend moving your text so it is

like this as it looks so much more clean and better.

27

So here, my problem is the paragraphing. You now seem to change paragraphs every sentence. Try fitting them together so it becomes more structured.

Sometimes, short sentences are nice to read as it causes tension in the reader. You, however, use them so much they have no effect on the reader. I would really recommend expanding on some of your sentences to make them more interesting.

Naomi couldn't register what time it was when she awoke. All she could identify were a few unfamiliar shadows that crawled around the underground bunker. Her eyes stung slightly as she caught a glimpse of a sharp burst of light cascading over the room. Closing them abruptly, she snuggled back into the warmth of Hudson's chest, breathing deeply as to take in all of the moment.

Also, try to stop using 'she'. You can use it the majority of the time, but it isn't great seeing every sentence start with she. Use her name often.

25 end.

You are actually going to KILL me with all this emotion. Again, a lovely end to a chapter, I can't really find any faults that I haven't stated before for the other chapters. Basically, the same things apply to every chapter!

Chapter size: I didn't check all, but they ranged from 4-6 minutes. This is okay, but I would try to keep them to the 6-8 minute mark. You can easily do this by either:

Combining two chaps together.

Or adding more description into each chapter. Look through all of your sentences and find the most simple and boring ones, then expand them.