Poem #28

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It's a lost cause
"You're too insecure."
"Dumbass."
"Annoying."

Slipping through that knot, I once held on
Screaming behind a wall, that part of me is gone
Changed for the best and left everything behind
A transparent wall you can't reach, I have withdrawn

A man whom you claim to love, yet you scorn
The way I used to care, that part of me I mourn
Treading so carefully, yet always so wrong
I thought you were my rose, but instead my thorn

It's a lost cause
"You know damn well I wasn't gaslighting you"
"I hope you die an early death"
"you don't know what gaslighting is"

Liar, liar, you're a fucking liar
"That's it we're done" well do as your heart desire
"Communicate your feelings" guess I'm being punished again
What happened to the "I love you's" so just prior

All the whiplash and trauma you put me through
I scream and cry on my floor, my tears so blue
Abuse from one and abuse from the other
But thank you for turning me into the man I grew into

It's a lost cause
"I can't love you anymore"
"your best wasn't good enough"
"I'm breaking up with you"

Rely on no one, that's what I was taught
Healing took patience, but love I forgot
Day by day a new me was born
Nor was it easy, but freedom I sought

It's a lost cause
"I never stopped loving you"
"I won't leave you"
"I love you"

I understand you've changed, yeah that's great
It'll take a while to put my love onto your plate
PTSD from the goddess I once worshipped
I've too changed and my love needs to regenerate

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