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sunny had no idea what to do to manage this.
she felt happy with herself when she woke up this morning. she began her day by eating breakfast with some of her members in the kitchen, which included a nice bowl of her favorite cereal.
but plans can change quickly. their manager hurried them to finish eating and in a panic called the group leader.
sunny sat in the back of one of the vans, lost in thought, as the group divided into three different vans. despite not having any music playing, she continued to wear her airpods, which effectively muffled outside noise.
this was her disassociating.
she felt a little cut off from the outside world because she was so absorbed in her own thoughts. she started to feel alienated from herself as well.
she made sure that this incident never occurred in front of anyone besides her members. she feared that if the information reached the public, this weak point would be exploited against her in any circumstance.
like hours, several minutes passed. when seungkwan shuffled into the seat next to her, her attention shifted away from his blurred her identity had become. sunny gave the boy a soft smile as she turned to face him.
"is everything alright?" he questioned without realizing she was wearing headphones.
unintentionally ignoring him, sunny cast her gaze around the van. seungkwan gave the young woman a shoulder tap. she raised her hand to remove the headphone from her ear as she turned to face him.
"is everything okay?" seungkwan asked the same question twice.
sunny answered, "oh, yeah, yeah, i'm fine."
her members knew her to be a very resilient young woman, both mentally and emotionally. they knew she needed space but also needed help because they witnessed her in such a terrible state of mind during the last few months of her seasonal depression.
when she overcame those difficulties and moved toward a better life, they were so proud of her. they respected her much more because they were aware that she was reliving childhood trauma and that she was working to reverse it in adulthood.
the members piled out of the vans when they reached their destination. sunny emerged from the van she had been riding in last and followed the other members.
minghao became aware of this and started to lag behind the members he had been walking alongside. sunny overlook her boyfriend and failed to notice because her eyes were averted to the ground. to stop her mind from racing, she concentrated on counting the number of steps she was taking.
sunny hurried to the ladies room as soon as she entered the building. the entire way inside, she had tears in her eyes, but she was good at masking them.
she started to hide in a stall, hung her bag on the hook, and covered her face with her hands. she couldn't explain the sobs that broke out and tears that rushed down her pale cheeks. she didn't know why, she just assumed it was stress.
she wiped the tears away with her hands as they fell for a while. her sweatpants served as a surface for her to wipe her wet hands. she eventually collected her composure and emerged from the stall.
sunny once more slung her bag over her shoulder after grabbing it. she patted her still-wet eyes and cheeks after taking a look at herself in the mirror. she fluffed up her hair by running her hands through it and swaying the strands from side to side.
sunny inhaled deeply, giving herself one last glance in the mirror, and then steps outside the bathroom. she walked out after opening the door, which made a squeak.
from behind her, a voice questioned, "what's going on?"
when she realized who it was, she turned and stopped in her tracks. minghao was seated on the adjacent bench, which she had walked right by earlier.
sunny questioned, "what?"
minghao stood up and spoke softly as he approached the girl, "i saw you rush in there as we entered," her said, pointing to the restroom, "what's going on?"
there was a lot of silence. since she would not tell the truth and would never want to lie to her boyfriend, she refrained from responding.
minghao looked down her body after examining her face. on her sweatpants, close to her pockets, he noticed a few tiny wet spots. she had a pale face, puffy eyes, and a pink nose tip.
"were you crying?"
she remained silent. he could tell she was crying in the bathroom, but she didn't want to admit it by the way she turned away from him and started walking.
"come on, sunny. why were you crying?" as he raced to catch up to her, his voice was worried.
her boyfriend was now waiting for her response as she peered over her shoulder. he became frustrated because he felt cut off from her when she wouldn't tell him how she was feeling.
she had too much on her plate, but she also had no idea why she was crying. she didn't want to make something up to get him to leave her alone, nor did she want to claim ignorance in order to avoid further questioning.
minghao admitted, "i hate seeing you like this."
sunny walked into the space where the other members were seated, and her boyfriend followed shortly after. she threw her bag to the ground, disregarding the fact that she almost tripped over the weight of the bag.
sunny sat down in a stylist chair. minghao leaned against the chair's back as she sat. he tried to get her to respond by whispering to her.
she murmured, "i don't know why, i think i'm stressed."
"i just want you to let me know when you feel like this so that i can help you," minghao nodded.
sunny was aware that he merely wanted to help, but she was still getting used to the idea of even considering asking for help.
