I can't lose you...(editing)#wattys2015

Chapter 12 Aftermath

Lexa POV

Well, it was over.

Diana was defeated, but at a heavy cost. Clarke was seriously wounded during the battle.  I considered her a friend as well as an ally.  Both she and her child were now in danger.  Life is precious, it is a harsh reality.

After the cleanup I decide it is best to go home.  Dante has awakened, but is still too weak to walk or talk much, so we take him with us on a stretcher.  I leave a few warriers here to help guard under Lincoln's command, much to the relief of Kane.

Bellamy is too distracted to notice. I decide to let Octavia stay as well, her brother may need her in the coming days...Indra will just have to double up her training when she returns.

Octavia POV

I am relieved Lexa allowed me to stay. Training as a second is serious business, but to the grounders family is very important too.  Their definition of family applies to their whole clan, not just blood relations. Since we are now allied to them, they consider us family too.  I am strangely grateful.

I tried to watch out for my brother, but he doesn't make it easy.  He only nibbles at the food I bring him.  He hardly sleeps, and he never leaves Clarke's side.

Until this moment I never realized how much my brother loves Clarke. Oh, sure I knew they were hooking up, and yes they were having a baby, but I just thought the baby was an accident and that they just decided to go with it.  I prayed they would both be ok.  I wasn't sure how Bell would handle it if they weren't...

Bellamy PoV
2 long days later...

Clarke started to stir, "Bellamy..? Clarke's eyes fluttered open groggily.

"Princess..??! You scared me! " I feel the knot in my chest relax just a little.

"I'm sorry, this is all my fault..." she starts, tears leaking from her eyes.

"Shhhh, don't say anything, let me get your mom..."

Hearing my voice, Abby comes at once and I stand aside to let her examine Clarke.
"Well the stiches seems to be holding nicely. Bellamy, please get her some water."

I get it at once and after Clarke drinks she asks, "Will the baby be ok?"

Abby looks at both of us gravely, "Right now, you're fine, but you're  not out of the woods yet.   You need bedrest for at least the next 4 weeks."

"Can I go home?" Clarke asks weakly

"I think you should stay here one more night just to be safe, and you need to eat. Bellamy? " Abby says, but I am already leaving to get food.  I return in minutes. Clarke makes an attempt to eat, but she's too tired.  We make her drink some tea and then she falls into a fitful sleep.

Clarke lost the baby later that night...

Octavia POV

Clarke lost the baby 3 days ago.

That was the first time I ever saw my big brother cry.  I mean really cry.  I felt so bad for him, but at the same time I couldn't help him.  He needed Clarke. She had lost a lot of blood and she was still so weak.  Abby was worried she might lose her too, but somehow she pulled through.

Clarke is one tough girl.

I cried for them both.  Lincoln held me and just let me cry.  He knew I needed the release and I refused to weep in front of my brother.  He was trying so hard to be strong for Clarke.  After they lost the baby, Abby let Bell take her home, so that they could grieve together.  She said it would take time.

Slowly things were starting to return to normal.  Bell went through the motions, he resumed leadership of the camp.  Resumed building, gathering supplies for winter and taking turns with me and Abby in caring for Clarke.  He wasn't really fooling any one.  He still had that pain lingering in his big brown eyes.

Clarke was recovering slowly. Thanks to herbs from Andu and some of the food from our garden.  She was slowly gaining some strength. 

After 2 weeks Abby said she could go outside for a little each day to get some sunshine, as long as she was not alone, and she guarded against a chill.  The first place she wanted to go was down by the stream. She asked me to bring her sketchbook, and I built a small fire to keep away the chill and to heat some food.  It was mid November so the mornings and evenings were chilly.

We sat in comfortable silence for awhile, Clarke finally broke it. "Octavia is Bellamy angry with me?"

"No! Why would he be angry?" I ask, shocked.

"Because of the baby, it's my fault..."

I grab her hand, "Clarke, this was not your fault" I say firmly, "Diana caused this"

Clarke nods but I can tell she doesn't believe me.

"Did my brother say something to you?" I ask.

"That's just it,  he hardly speaks to me at all. He just asks, if I am hungry, or thirsty, or if I'm feeling ok.  He is always fussing over me but he won't talk to me about anything except my health, and he won't talk about the baby."  She stops to catch her breath and I can see her holding back tears.

I pause for a moment as I think what to say to her.  "I know Bell doesn't blame you, but he is grieving too.  He wanted this baby so much...just give him a little time."

She nods and I give her a hug as I make a mental note to talk with Bell later...

Clarke POV

Everyone is being really sweet since I lost the baby, even Finn came to see me.  I just wish Bellamy would talk to me.  Well he does talk to me, but it's not the same I feel like I am losing him. 

He can barely look me in the eye. I try to find out if he has said anything to O but I don't think he has.  Knowing Bell he won't talk to anyone.  I sigh and take out my sketchbook, but after several minutes the only thing I keep drawing are Bellamy's eyes.

I used to get lost in those dark eyes...

I finally give up and ask O to take me home.