I can't lose you...(editing)#wattys2015

Chapter 13. Starting fresh

Bellamy POV

I decided to take a break from work, I can't really concentrate anyway.

It's been about 2 weeks since Clarke lost the baby.  I really just need to get out of here and think but I don't want to go home. 

I can't face the sadness in her big blue eyes. I decide to go check some of the traps for food.  As I start walking towards the gate I hear someone call me, " Hey Bellamy, wait up!" I pause and Raven catches up to me.

"Where are you going?" She asks, slightly breathless.

"For a walk."

"Want some company?"

She takes my shrug for a yes, and falls into step with me.  We walk in silence for awhile each lost in our own thoughts. After a while I feel her grab my hand to make me stop walking.

"I'm really sorry Bellamy." she whispers

I nod jaw clenched, fighting to keep control.

We keep walking hand in hand. After a few more minutes. "Do you love Clarke?"

I drop her hand and stop to look at her, incredulous.

"Do you love her?" She repeats.

"Yes! What kind of question is that?" I almost yell at her wondering what her point is.

"Then stop being a jack ass and go talk to her " she replies calmly.

My mouth opens slightly, "What..?"" I ask in shock.

"You heard me, stop being an ass and go tell her that!  Dont you get it?  She needs you right now.  Not Octavia!  Not Abby! YOU!
Look, I get that you're sad.  I mean you lost a baby, but think how she feels. Get over yourself and go talk to her before she starts talking to someone else!"

"Are you worried about the Spacewalker?" My temper starts to flare.

She smiles slightly, "Not even Finn is a big enough ass to make a move on her now.  This is about you.  Just talk to her ok?"

She squeezes my hand and starts to walk back to camp. I smile to myself. This was one of the reasons I liked Raven.  She tells the truth no matter what.  I turned to follow her back to camp.  As we walk back through the gate I feel eyes on me and I see Octavia  a few feet away with Lincoln and her eyes are burning a hole through me.

Uh oh what did I do?

She wastes no time coming up to me. "Can we talk big brother? " she smiles sweetly at Raven but her voice holds a hint of anger as shee grabs my arm and pulls me towards the stream.

"Where's Clarke? " I ask.

"Home with Abby.  Why where you walking with Raven?!  Tell me you are not screwing with her again?  Tell me you are not a complete asshole!"

"I am not a complete asshole."

"Bellamy!"

"I'm not! We were just talking O.  She just set me straight on something and, I guess you are too?"

"Explain."

I exhaled, "She just told me that if I love Clarke then I need to talk to her..."

"She did? "

"Yeah."

"And..."

"And I get it Ok?  Now, if you're done yelling at me O I need to go talk to her."

She smiles and gives me a hug. "I love you Bell"

"I love you too."

She looks at me, "She's blaming herself for this you know." I shook my head, no I hadn't known.  O looks up at me eyes wide, "she thinks you blame her too Bell.  Take it easy on her huh?" She says as she walks away.

I nod.

I start to head back but then my eye catches sight of some flowers, they will probably be some of the last before the snow hits. Daisies.  I decide to take some as a peace offering. I hurry away to talk to the princess that I love.

Clarke POV

My mom has been here for an hour and she is driving me nuts. The sun is still pretty high in the sky so Bellamy probably won't be back for awhile...I roll my eyes as she tells me yet again to lie down for awhile.

I have chosen to sit at the table by the fire.  I am chopping up some vegetables having decided to make a real meal myself rather than send Bellamy for food at the community kitchen.  Mom just doesn't get it, but she us helping me anyway. 

I have potatoes, carrots, onion, tomato, and some herbs for flavor.  Also fresh rabbit meat that mom asked Kane to get for me.  I am planning on making rabbit stew.  I used to love to cook on the Ark before I was arrested.  Since being on earth I never really had the time to try. 

Fresh ingredients were not abundent on the Ark and now that I had some I was a little excited to try something new and fresh. It helped to take my mind off stuff.  Maybe some good food would help me to get Bellamy to loosen up too...

I had started the meat and was just starting to add the vegetables when Bell walked in.

"Hi, Princess."

"Hi Bell, you're home early?"

"Complaining? " Bell hugged me with a smile.

"No."

"I wanted to check on you and give your mom a break"

Abby smiled too, "I can take a hint, see you kids later."

"Thank Kane for the rabbit"

"I will, promise not to overdue it ok?" I nodded as she hugged me goodbye.

When we were alone, Bellamy handed me the flowers lifted my chin and gave me a kiss that curled my toes and left me breathless.

I looked at him, "What was that for? "

"Do I need a reason to kiss you?" He asked as he planted a kiss on my nose.

I shook my head trying to keep the emotion off of my face.

He studied me for a moment. "I wanted to say I'm sorry."

I felt my heart skip a beat and I was pretty sure he did too, but I held my tongue and tilted my head, a sign for him to continue.

"I've been too wrapped up in my own grief to realize you were grieving too.. ." his arms tightened around me. "For a while, I was afraid I was going to lose you too, princess.  I love you and the thought of not being with you..."  he paused.   "It really scared me!" He buried his face in my hair.

I felt myself relax and breathe for the first time in weeks.  I tried to choke the words down but they tumbled out anyway.  "You're not mad at me?" I whispered.

"Mad at you???  Clarke" he scolded, " This was something that was out of our contol. You didn't do anything wrong. You almost died too and I wouldn't have been able to survive without you!"

He stopped, took a deep breath and looked in my eyes, "I know we didn't exactly plan on a baby to begin with, but when you're better and think you are ready, we can try again.  If you want.  It could be a fresh start..." his voice trailed off.  I could see in his eyes he was afraid of what I was going to say.  I decided to lighten the moment.

I smiled slowly, "Bellamy Blake are you saying you still want to have a baby with me?"

He gave me another toe curling kiss.