Dear Severus

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by daughterofmeadows

by daughterofmeadows

( snape ) 📜🖤 - dear Severus -
-wholesome and sad-
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January 9th 1990

Happy birthday Severus.
I hope you're doing well wherever you are right now. I miss you. Very much.
Ever since your death I haven't been the same. I have nightmares about seeing you covered in blood, crying, scared.. as you take your last breaths in your final moments. Having you die in my arms was the most traumatizing and horrible thing to ever happen to me.

You were my world, my life, my love. A part of me went with you when you left and in a way I'm glad it did because even though I know you never loved me the way you loved lily, at least you have a part of me and you know how much I loved you.

I often wonder how different my life would be if you did love me and if you were still alive. I have this fantasy of us living somewhere in the country side where it's just you and me. We have a nice quiet little home with a garden and lots of flowers and greens. I have a library and an art room with a big window that shows the backyard of our home. You would come in and hug me from behind, taking me by surprise, as I paint the landscape.

In the afternoons we'd sit on your chair that you have in our home library and read to me and I sat on your lap and laid my head on your chest as you would gently read and rub my back soothingly.

We have a dog name skipper, just like you always wanted. I remember how much you wanted a dog but were never able to get one.
I hope you have your dog now and you're both happy in the afterlife.

After reading you and I would have dinner, and then you would play some music, dragging me to dance with you.
You'd held my hands in yours, my head on your chest and yours on the top of my head as you gently sang alone to the music.

I have this fantasy perfect life for us, everyday would be better than the last and it would never be boring.
We'd be happy just us two, living everyday to the fullest.

But that's it is. A fantasy.
A world that lives only in my imagination, and a life that lives in my heart.

What I wouldn't do to hold your hand and tell you how much I loved you. At least once. Just one more time

Just to look into your eyes and tell you that I want to spend my life loving you and be with you.
How every morning when I open my eyes I want to see you, have you be the first thing I see, and every night when I close them have you be the last.

I wish I had the courage to tell you all of this when you were alive. I wish I wasn't so scared, because now.. I can't tell you. You're gone.

I wake up everyday and everyday I wake up in agony because I miss you so much. I feel my heart physically break in two pieces.

Every time when I go to bed, I talk to you hoping that I hear your voice talk back, but it hurts even more knowing that you won't respond. But I still do it.
Sometimes I can still hear your laugh that you would reveal to only me.

I know how much it scared you to show your true self and true feelings to others, so knowing that you trusted me enough to show me who you truly were means the world to me

And as much as I wish I wasn't alive, I know I cannot die just yet. If there is anything that I have learned during my lifetime is that life is only temporary. All of our pain and hurt, every moment we spend on earth, alive and breathing is temporary. Our souls are eternal.
Our bodies, our human form is only a vessel for us to live in while we walk on the planet, and when our lifetime is over, we are crossed over into life after death. Our spirits are free.

And I know that you are somewhere in the life that you deserve to have. The life of the spiritual beings. In the life on which no human has ever seen.

If I die, I won't live fully. I feel as though my purpose is to live for you.
You once said a life isn't worth living if you're not enjoying it. And though I know your life wasn't a good one, you always found a reason to wake up and live another day.

I know one day it will be my turn to go. To see where no human has ever seen.

And I know, you'll be there waiting for me. If not as a lover than as a friend.

Because our friendship saved my life and I am forever grateful for getting the opportunity to have had a friend like you.

Your life was the best part of mine.

So, as much as your absence pains me and hurts more within each passing day, I live my life because you inspired me to live.

~ yours truly
Y/N-
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-y'all I swear I'm working on another character, I'm just having a hard time writing smut rn so here's something wholesome ❤️