Just The Girl (under editing)

Chapter Forty Nine - Moving On

Josh's P.O.V

I hated myself.

With a strong, fiery passion.

What had I done? She was smiling at me, she was going to listen to me, it could have been okay. It could have been a chance to make things right... Why didn't I push that girl off me? Why for the love of all that is holy did I kiss her back?

Rosie has barely spared me a glance all week.. I hate it. It hurts, so much. That girl is my life. I need her, I fucking need her. I can't function right without her, knowing that she probably hates me. I cant do this. I'm not eating, or sleeping, or concentrating. I'm failing my classes more than usual and the guys are starting to get worried because I've barely spoken a word to them since it hit me that not only had I lost the love of my life, I'd blown the only chance I had to get her back.

I was starting to turn bitter. I was turning into something I didn't want to be. Slowly, I was slipping back into my old ways, becoming my old self again.. only worse?

I knew it was happening, but I didn't know how to stop it. I didn't know how to control myself and stay the better person Rosie had made me. I was slipping, and I needed her, desperately, to help me, before I ruined my life.

But I was on my own. She wasn't coming back, she wasn't going to help me.

I had tried time and time again, but she ignored my texts, calls, when I tried coming to her house.. She was even ignoring the guys too.

All but Liam.

He had checked it was okay with me first, not wanting to hurt me, but I told him it was fine. They were friends, and he was looking after her... as long as someone was looking after her I guess.

She probably knew they would all try and get her to talk to me, so I understood why she pushed us all away.

Mom had been keeping her distance, probably because every time she asked me if I was okay, I snapped at her. I didn't mean to, it just kinda.. happened. As much as it hurt me, I tried to avoid Sasha too. I didn't want to hurt her either. I didn't want to snap at her and scare her. I was snapping at everyone these days.

I stared down at my phone, for the millionth time. I knew it was pointless, she wasn't going to reply to me. With a sigh, I threw it on the bed side table and got into bed, knowing I wasn't going to sleep, but it was late, and I had school in the morning.

I stared up blankly at the ceiling, before pulling the covers over my head and closing my eyes.

Rosie's P.O.V

I looked down at my phone, as it beeped for the millionth time, and lit up my dark room. I sighed. It was Josh again.

I could feel the tears prickling at the back of my eyes, but I pushed them away.

No.

I was stronger than that. I was going to be okay.

I didn't need him.

I hoped that If I kept telling myself that, I'd believe it.

With a sigh, I shut my eyes, and went to sleep, dreading the next day to come when I'd have to face him again in school.

Daddy was getting frustrated with my lack of enthusiasm towards life. Towards anything. I walked around like a zombie, I rarely spoke. I mostly pushed my food around on my plate and my grades were slipping. The weeks were passing, slowly. Josh's calls and texts became few and far between until they eventually stopped all together, and I found out why too.

Daddy had decided enough was enough and had threatened him again, only worse than before.

In school, Josh seemed... angry, a lot. I kept my distance, knowing it was probably my fault.

I wanted nothing to do with him any more anyway. It hurt too much. I had to move on.

He'd put his lip ring back in, seemingly not having a special girl to worry about hurting with it any more, and slowly seemed to be slipping back into his old ways. I hadn't seen him with a girl yet but I could tell he was drinking a lot, and I saw him get into fights quite often.

He was in the principle's office more than he was out of it, and he didn't seem to pleasant to be around, for anyone any more.

He was falling apart.

A big part of me still loved him, and was concerned for him, but I couldn't do it any more, I couldn't care about him any more.

I wouldn't.

It was lunch time, and as usual, I made my way outside, alone. I missed having friends, feeling wanted, loved, like I mattered.

Like I belonged.

But hey, I was that shy loner girl who nobody liked. Always have been, always will be.

Liam tried to talk to me sometimes, and I tried not to push him away, but.. I knew he'd give up soon enough. I barely spoke to him. I didn't want to.

I didn't want to speak to anyone any more. I spent the days wishing school was over and the evenings with my nose in a book, burying myself in the fantasy of it all to protect myself from reality.

It was unhealthy, but it got me through the day.

As I made my way past the bench where Josh and the others have recently taken to sitting at, I froze.

Josh had a girl pushed up against the wall, his hands on her chest, his lips at her neck..

Her head was tilted back with her eyes closed, she was enjoying it. And by the looks of things, so was he.

It was like I was hit by a bus.

He had moved on.

I couldn't watch this..

Turning in the other direction, I found myself crying in the girls bathroom, and phoning Daddy to pick me up early. The depression hit me again, hard.

It was all a blur from then, being picked up, going home, being question as to what was wrong. I didn't speak once, I didn't sleep that night either. I just lay there, numb.

He moved on.

I saw the same thing happen each day. A different girl, a different location. Hell, he was even in the janitors closet with multiple girls at one point.

I couldn't do this any more. I had to leave.

There was no way I could fool myself any more. I still loved him, so much it hurt, and I couldn't stand to watch him like this with other girls. He'd changed back into who he used to be, and I was left forgotten.

I think it's time to pay Uncle Luke a visit.