CHAPTER 13 [calm down]

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"Calm down" Jack smirks trying to lean in for another kiss but I quickly move away and he freezes in his spot, "what" he groans looking at me, "holy fuck" my hands comes to me forehead as i start pacing aroun the room, "I'm surprised you can still fucking walk after that" Jack laughsas he sits down on his bed. I stop in my tracks and quickly walk over to him only to push his chest hand, sending him falling down flat on his bed, "what the fuck Grace" he props himself up on his elbows to look at me with a confused expression, "no, no, no, no that did not just happen" I panic.

"Gracie, calm your shit" Jack says, "no Jack" I shout at him, "what the fuck" I whispers as I get closer to him. Tears start welling in my eyes and I feel like I'm going to have a breka down, Jack quickly sits up to cup both sides of my face, "Gracie, calm down, its fine, I wont tell anyone" he tries to sooth me but I just push him away. "You have a fucking girlfriend" I look away, "she's one of my bestfriends" I almost whisper, "it was gonna happen sooner or later" Jack says and I turn to face him, "how are you so calm about this, you just cheated on your girlfriend" I point out, "I wont tell if you dont" he smirks.

I roll my eyes at him, "I'm being serious Jack" I  say, "me too" he shrugs. "You're such a dick" I laugh out as I lean against his wall. How the fuck is this happening right now. I came here to sort things ut between Jack and Gabbie and I ended up fucking him. How does that fucking work. He walks over to me and rests his hands on my shoulders and looks into my eyes, "we'll keep it between us, no one will know" he says before lening in and kissing me again. I kiss back, being blinded again and everything is peaceful. His lipps perfectly fit with mine and the kiss almost feels like itsmeant to be but the guilt beats the blindness. I push him away and look down, refusing to look directly at him, "this cant happpen again" I mutter, "Gracie" Jack pleads, "no, sort things out with Gabbie, thats what I came here for" I say before quickly pushing past him and running out his room.

I run down the stairs ignoring all the shouts from the other boys before rushing out the house and walking down the street, what have I done. What have me and Jack done. I'm left to my own thoughts when I hear heavy footsteps behind me, "fuck off Jack" I scream as i turn around but freeze in my tracks when I see Jonah standing there looking worried. Before I know it tears are streaming out of my eyes like never ending water falls, "shit Grace" Jonah mutters before pulling me tightly into a hug. "I didnt mean for it to happen" I cry out and Jonah rubs my back, "Grace tell me what happpened" he says and I pull away from the hug to face him, "just take me home, I'll explain everything when we get home" I cry and Jonah nods before pulling out his phone to order an uber.

Jonah held my hand the entire drive home and even held me hand until we got to my apartment, "wont Gabbie be here" he asks and I shake my head, "I told her to go to Tates huse because I had to do something, she dont know I went to see Jack" I say as I unlock my door. We walks in and i thrown my keys down and walks straight into my bedroom to get into bed. I'm confused more than anything right now. Jonan joins me and pulls me into his chest nd lets me lay there for while, waiting for me to speak when I'm ready.

"I didnt mean for it to happen Jonah" I sniffle, "I know, you cant help that now" he mutters and kisses my head which instantly soothes me. "Are you going to tell Gabbie" he asks, "fuck no" I say instantly, "do you think Jack will" I ask him, "he definately wont" Jonah says, "is he going to talk to her again now" I ask, "maybe, but I dont think he could bring himself to break up with her" Jonah says and I feel myself on the verge of tears again, "what do I do" I cry, "I dont know Grace buut we'll figure it out, I promise" Jonah hums, rubbing my back more and more to calm me down and it works. Gabbie cant know, but I will figure something out, however long it takes.

Jonah has been at my apartment for nearly 2 hours now and I'm feeling a lot better. "Tate is a crazy one" Jonah says which makes me laugh, "yes she is a handful, but I think you can handle her" I laugh, "you feeling better?" he asks and I nod, "yeah, just guilty" I shrug. "I mean, was it at least good?" he asks and I cant help but laugh, "its always been good with Jack, so does that answer your question" I ask and he nods mid laugh. "So, if he broke up with Gabbie right now and asked you to be with him you'd just say no" Jonah asks, "yes, I would say no" I shrug, "why, you and Jack were always good" he says confused, "we were good until we weren't, then it was shit, I don't want to argue everyday" I say as I remember what the end of mine and Jacks relationship was like.

"You do realise you don't have your mum or Spencer on your back right?" Jonah points out and I roll my eyes, "that's exactly what Molly's been saying to me" I admit and Jonah shrugs, "makes sense, you and Jack only ever had problems because your mum made it a problem" Jonah points and it does make sense, other than the fact that Jack wasn't ready for a relationship despite him promising me he was. "True, but Jack can still be a dickhead" I point out and Jonah laughs, "well, you always did know how to pick them" Jonah shrugs, "not my fault Jack lured me in, I was stupid to think I'd be different to any of his other girls" I laugh trying to play it off, "you still don't see that you were different for him?" Jonah raises an eyebrow and I shake my head, "you know you and Jack were different than one of his random hook-ups, don't even try to deny it Grace" Jonah says and I just stay quiet.

Things between me and Jack did seem different than what he usually had with girls but there's nothing supporting the fact that other girls didn't believe that too. "Yeah, well he's with Gabbie now and I'm not becoming one of those girls he uses to cheat on his girlfriend" I spit out, "I'll kick him where the sun don't shine if he tries and gets close to you again" Jonah winks at me but we're broken out of the conversation by his phone ringing, his face lights up when he sees the contact name, "hey Tate" he says into the phone and my face forms a slight smile, "oh I'm just at Grace's right now" he says and turns to face me smiling, I roll my eyes at his stupid smile. "What?" he says confused. He pulls away from the phone, "do you think youll be okay if I go to have coffee with Tate" he asks and I nod, "of course" I laugh and he send sme a thankful smile, "yeah sure" he says into the phone. "See you soon" he says before hanging up.

"Are you sure you'll be okay by yourself" he asks, "yes, I'm perfectly fine now" I smile, "now go, you don't want to keep her waiting she gets cranky" I laugh as he walks out my door. He sends me one last smile before I close it behind him. I let out a huge breath before making me way back into my bedroom. I find myself hidden away in there for the rest of the day, not wanting to talk to anyone. I think I've come to terms with what's happened. I'm not proud of myself or even happy with myself for that matter but I get that I cant do anything about it now. She's Jacks girlfriend, he's got to be feeing worse than I am. He's got to feel guilty about it, right?

"Wake up loser, we're going out" Molly screams as she enters my apartment, "where the fuck are you" she says when she realises I'm not in my main room. I groan to myself when I hear her marching towards my bedroom door and bursting it open, "ew, are you sick?" she asks, cringing, "no just tired" I throw a pillow at her, she catches it and throws it back at me. "Well wake up, me, you and the girls are going out" she winks before opening my closet to find an outfit. "I'm tired, cant you just go without me" I roll my eyes, "no, we cannot, now get up and help me find an outfit for you, we're getting pissed" she smirks. Maybe getting drunk as fuck will get rid of some of this guilt. Might as well try.

"Who's coming out then" I groan as I stand up, Molly looks over at me and rolls her eyes, "right whats up, you're never in bed all day" she asks taking a seat on my bed, "nothing, I swear, I'm just tired" I lie, Molly sits there starring for a few more seconds before she moves past it. "Me, Tate and Kay are coming out" she says, "no Gabbie?" I ask, Molly shakes her head, "said she was going to try Jack again, if that dont work she said she's just going to go back home" Molly shrugs, "with Jacks family?" I ask, "yup, she said she doesnt feel like coming out after everything thats happened, not in the mood" she says looking through my closet.

Again my guilt grows, "ugh, you have no good party clothes that you've not already wore" Molly says closing my closet and walking out my room, "where are you going" I go after her, "to my apartment, to get you an outfit" she shouts before walking out to her own apartment. I roll my eyes and follow behind her, hoping that this night is going to get blurry real quick.

"I didnt know you and Jonah were so close" Tate asks over the music of the club, I'm not drunk enough yet to start answering questions like this. "Yeah, he's a good guy" I say before leaving our table and walking over to the bar. The normal bartender comes to my rescue, "usual?" he asks with a smile and I shake my head, "give me the strongest shit you've got" I say and he gives me a wink before leaving to go and give me whatever is 'the strongest shit' they've got. I am getting as drunk as possible tonight to distract from the way that I'm feeling - I will do anything to stop how I feeling right now.

Parts of me still want Jack in my life but if I let that happen then I'm ruining a friends relationship. Parts of me want to just leave it all behind but I've done that before and it was just cowardly. But, parts of me want to come clean but I'm scared that if I do then everything will be ruined. I don't trust that Jack will leave me alone, I know better than anyone that if he wants something he'll do anything to get it and right now that 'something' seems to be me, I just don't think I'm as willing as him to do anything for that.

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