Behind Closed Doors (studentxteacher) COMPLETED

Chapter 38

“Rainah…” he trailed off, he forced himself to look up at me. “Please tell me you don’t… oh god.”

He looked pale as his eyes flicked back down to the cuts.

I made no effort to hide them now, I was in shock and it was too late. He had seen them and I knew he wouldn’t let it go.

I took a shaky breath. I wasn’t going to lie, I had to tell him the truth.

“I cut myself.” I told him, my voice trembling. I could already see the hurt in his eyes. I already regretted not telling him sooner, he shouldn’t have found out this way.

He stared at me, mouth slightly open. I could identify no other emotion on his face then the betrayal in his eyes. His expression was blank.

This scared me. he wasn’t yelling or comforting me, he just sat there.

“Please say something.” I whispered, my voice cracked. I had ruined everything. Tears welled in my eyes.

“I’m sorry.” He said in a monotone, flat voice. “I’m sorry my love isn’t good enough to get you to stop. I’m sorry you felt you had to keep this a secret. I’m sorry to know that this is what you do to make you feel better instead of talking. I’m sorry I’ve failed you.”

I shook my head furiously. He somehow was trying to blame himself for my stupid selfish acts. He didn’t understand.

“No, Will… its not like that at all. You don’t understand.”

“I think I understand better then you think. You don’t trust me and you sure as hell do not love me.” he said, coldly.

It felt like he just tried to rip my heart out. I trusted him more then anyone else. I loved him more then I could stand and now he was doubting it.

“I do trust you and I love you more then you could ever know.” I tried to take his hand but he snatched it away.

“If you really trusted me you would have told me. if you really loved me, you wouldn’t still do this.” He glared and started yelling. “I’m tired of all the fucking secrets and lies, Rainah! That is not love! I’m sick of the bullshit!”

“You think this is easy for me?” I asked him, my anger rising.

“This is not all about you. This is about us, if there is even an ‘us’ left.”

I stood up, grabbed my phone and went towards the door. My heart was breaking with every step I took without him stopping me.

I went to the elevator and he wasn’t behind me.

He had let me go.

Were we over? Did he break up with me? I wasn’t sure as of right now but I wasn’t going to get an answer with Will being that angry.

I went out front of the building and sat on a bench. It was raining. I just sat there and cried for awhile.

This was my fault for not telling him. I deserved to be yelled at.

The cutting was so complicated though. It is a form of punishment for everything I have ever fucked up. It was an addiction.

Being in love with Will couldn’t alone make me stop. Hell, even if Ash came back and forgave me, that might not stop me.

I needed Will to understand that. But was it too late?

I heard a car pull into the parking lot, I didn’t care enough to look up. If it was my father, I could care less right now, I would deserve whatever he would do to me. I wondered if Will would care anymore.