The UnSlut Project

That thing I loved about him that I couldn't identify is gone, now.

May 23, 2000

Tonight I talked on the phone with Steven and Jacob, on Jacob's 3-way. It was the first time I'd talked on the phone with Jacob in a while. Well, I mean besides the times we've called each other to like, organize trips to the movies or something.

This was also the first time I've had a long conversation with him and not started liking him romantically. I realize now that I couldn't ever feel that way again - that thing I loved about him that I couldn't identify is gone, now. [What a tragic way to word that.] And that is definitely a good thing. Laura likes him SO much, and when I see the way he teases her heart it nearly makes me sick. Laura is under the impression that he likes her, and she has reason. He flirts with her constantly, and he told some people last week that he did like her. But tonight he told me and Steven that he definitely didn't, and that he had KINDA liked her about a week ago, but then changed his mind.

That does not seem the least bit fair to Laura. [Actually, it seems supremely fair to Laura.] He led her on in a major way and he knew that she had feelings for him! I told him that he needs to be straightforward with her, but he acted as if he didn't want to talk about it. So I don't know what's up with that, but I hope for Laura's sake that it gets figured out.

On another note, school gets out on June 15th! It's only 16 school days, because we get Memorial Day off. All that's left now is the play, a nature field trip thing, and the semi. ["Semi" is short for "semi-formal dance," and I cannot stress enough how important the semi was. Despite the attire prescribed in the event's very name, we treated it as if it were a formal prom.]

We have to go on this nature field trip to a nearby reserve where we can do kayaking or ropes courses, and then we have orientation for high school where they tell us about all the different sports and clubs we can do. They divide the class into two parts for the field trip. While one half is on the nature field trip, the other half is watching "Schindler's List." It's cause we're starting a unit on The Holocaust.

And then the semi! That will be the ultimate. I have a hair appointment and I am making Steven buy me a corsage. I know the summer will be fun, but I'm so scared of getting older. I don't want to be in high school.