The UnSlut Project

"I judge boys by how long their schlong is."

February 6, 1999

Today is a Saturday. Last night, there was a dance! People asked Jacob to dance with me, and he said definitely, for the last dance. That was about an hour away. But during that hour, he got in a Sprite fight with Louis, so they had to spend the rest of the dance cleaning it up. [Sprite fights! *shakes fist*]

But I was having fun anyway! On a slow song, some boy was like, "Emily, you have to dance with Tyler!" And I was like, "Um..." and then we were thrown together. But I realized that I didn't mind being that close to Tyler. And we couldn't have been much closer! When he breathed, I could feel his stomach go in and out, because my stomach was pressed up against his. [At least his stomach wasn't twitching like last time.]

And my right ear kept touching his. Dancing with him is okay, because he is the same height as me. When the slow song was over, I danced with Stacy and Gina for a little bit. Then another slow song came on, and for a moment I was standing around looking like a retard, but then I looked up and saw Tyler coming across the gym. I started talking to Gina, trying my best to look pretty.

Tyler came right up to me and said, "Emily." I turned towards him and smiled, "Oh, hi, Tyler." "Do you want to dance?" "Sure," I said, as I wrapped my arms around his neck. Again, I could feel him breathing. Whenever he adjusted his hands around my waist, I got the shivers. I so wanted to turn my head and kiss him, but I just couldn't! I was afraid I'd miss his mouth and lick his nose or something.

When that song was coming to an end, I was dreading having to let him go. But luckily, "From This Moment On" by Shania Twain came on, and we didn't even have to start to pull apart. I am not in love with Tyler, as I was with Zach and Nathan, but I like him a lot, and so why not go out with him?

Except there is the Jacob factor. The last song was a fast one, which was pretty gay [Ow!], but I guess Jacob had finished cleaning up the Sprite, because I saw him talking to James. James started to come towards me but Jacob blocked his way.

James easily picked Jacob up and out of the way. [Jacob was pretty small.] I figured James would probably find something embarrassing to say in front of Jacob, so I frantically said something that had nothing to do with me. "Why are you so mean to Gina?" I asked. He said, "I'm not." And he isn't, either. So I felt like a pretty big loser, and I walked away.

After the dance, everyone was waiting outside for their parents to come get them. I was standing in a group with Stacy, Daniel, Louis, and Tyler. Daniel was talking about how he judges girls by how how they are, and how big their boobs are. I said, "Well, I judge boys by how long their schlong is." Louis said, "How can you tell?" I told him to hold up his hand, and I explained that from the tip of his middle finger to his wrist was how long his schlong was. He was fascinated by this. [First of all, "schlong"?! Second, this little test is, unfortunately, not true at all.]

Tyler said, "Well, I judge girls by their personalities," which caused all three of them to burst out laughing. [Right?! How ridiculous!]

Then my dad pulled up, and Stacy and I got in the car because we were giving her a ride home. Stacy said, "Why did you walk away from James and Jacob?" I said, "Because I was done talking to them." She said, "Well, they were calling you back. They were probably going to ask you out for Jacob. They thought you were ignoring them so they walked away." OH STUPID, STUPID ME!!