February 16, 1999
I just got off the phone with Melanie, and she told me something that really hit home. She said, "Emily, you set these way-high standards for people and expect them to be fulfilled. Jacob can't possibly meet your expectations of him, and one day you are going to be very disappointed when you realize he's not perfect." [Melanie always gave sage advice for a twelve-year-old.]
That is so right. I know Jacob, but I've never seen his bad side, so I have just assumed that he doesn't have one. But he must - everyone does. And one day when he does or says something un-perfect, I'm going to feel let down, and he won't know what he did wrong.
But I can't keep analyzing situations like this! Things keep happening and I spend so much time thinking about them that I miss out on feeling infatuated, which is, although fake, a great feeling. That's how I felt the day after Gina's party. Just picturing Jacob's face made me curl up in a ball and squeal. It made me feel stupid, but it was still a great feeling.
Yesterday I went to the mall and bought the Britney Spears CD. There is this song on it called "Sometimes," and it so describes my relationship with Jacob!
"Sometimes I run, sometimes I hide,
Sometimes I'm scared of you,
But all I really want is to hold you tight,
Treat you right,
Be with you day and night.
Baby, all I need is time."
Well, okay, so it doesn't really describe our relationship, but it's still fun to sing along to.
YOU ARE READING
The UnSlut Project
Non-FictionI was the 6th-grade "slut." And I kept a diary. So I decided to create The UnSlut Project in the hopes that my own diary entries could provide some perspective to girls who currently feel trapped and ashamed. I am publishing these entries one at a...
