The UnSlut Project

"If everyone found out, they would think I'm a slut even more."

June 8, 1998

Today is a Monday. Nothing really special happened today, but on Friday, we went on a field trip to the art museum. Nathan wasn't in my group, but Scott was, and he kept asking me, "How far would you go with Nathan?" I was just like, "Um... I don't know." [Give it a rest, Scott.]

After school, Nathan called. He said, "Hey, want to do something today?" I said, "Sure, like what?" He said, "We could go to the club." I didn't really feel like going to the club, so I told him that.

He said, "Want to go bowling?" I knew he was joking. "Bowling?" "Yeah." "Seriously?!" "Yeah." "Well, let me ask." My mom said it was okay, so about ten minutes later, Nathan and his mom arrived to pick me up. His mom drove us to the bowling alley and we got out.

I felt really stupid wearing those dorky bowling shoes they make you wear, but hey, he was wearing them, too. A little while into the first string, Nathan asked me, "How come you never talk to me in school?" I just got up and took my turn.

When I came back to sit down again, he said, "Do you like me?" I laughed, "Yes!" During the second string, Nathan asked, "What was Scott asking you at the museum?" "Not anything, really." "Oh. Because I think they might have been asking me the same thing." I shrugged.

We walked to McDonald's, which is across the street from the bowling alley. While we were walking, he asked me, "Come on. What was Scott asking you at the museum?"

I decided he already knew, so why not just say it? "He was asking me how far I would go with you."

"What did you say?"

"I said, 'Shut up, you're getting annoying.' And they were."

He said, "Oh, well..." He took a deep breath. "What would you say if I asked you?"

"I'd probably say, 'I don't know.'" [That sounds about right.]

"Would you go to first base?"

"Yeah, but..."

"But what?"

"Well, ever since what happened with Zach, I haven't really been able to trust that many people. I mean, I'm afraid that you could be using me, too."

"I'm not using you."

We reached McDonald's and got to a small, 2-person booth. He said, "Sit down."

"I need to go get some food." [No, really... not at McDonald's, you don't.]

"Just sit down for a minute."

I sat down.

"Emily, I'm not using you. Why do you think that?"

"I don't think you're using me. Just... if I went to first base with you and everyone found out, they would think I'm a slut even more than they already do."

"No one needs to know."

"I'd have to tell Jenna and then she'll tell everyone."

"Why do you think you'd have to tell Jenna?" [A valid question.]

"Well, she's my best friend. I tell her everything. Do boys do that? Do you tell Daniel everything?"

"Um... let's go get some food." So we did.

When we got back to the table, I started eating a french fry. He said, "I don't understand you, Emily."

I said, "Oh, that's funny. I always thought I was pretty easy to understand."

"You act like it in school, but... I don't know." We talked about all other important things - kissing, what second base even means, best friends, shallowness, how different people act in school, houses, money, people we like, people we don't like, parents, sisters, and brothers - everything.

He is so good to talk to, and we never ran out of things to say. He is really a nice person - really deep and understanding. I love him. Really, I do. He understands me well. He's the type of person I want to end up with.