January 23, 1999
There was a dance last night and it was fun, I guess. Jacob was there, and Erin asked him to dance and he said, "No, sorry. I really like Emily." And everyone was telling me, "Jacob's going to ask you to dance!" Once on a slow song, I saw him coming toward me, but then Mark asked me to dance and I couldn't very well say no to him.
While I was dancing with Mark, I was looking around for Jacob. I spotted him walking into the cafeteria with Matt. His hat was on sideways and he was kind of slouching when he walked, the way he always does, which everyone finds so hot! [Jacob was quite the sk8r boi.]
He looked around the room while he walked, and his eyes stopped on mine. He looked at me, and then he looked at Will, who was looking the other way. Jacob stood there for a second, holding the brim of his hat, with a hurt/confused look on his face. Then Matt saw and pulled him in the other direction.
It was the last song now, and Stacy said, "This is retarded. I'm going to to tell Jacob to dance with you!" So I turned away and tried to look busy doing something. Gina and James, who were mid-make out session. But that got boring and then Mark asked me to dance again, so I said sure.
Stacy came back and said, "I saw him and he was with Matt. I said, "Jacob, will you dance with Emily?" He looked kind of dazed and he said, "Emily?" I said, "Yeah, Emily Lindin." He looked around for you, and when he saw you dancing with Mark, his face like, crumpled in this really sad way. Matt said, "Emily Lindin? Psh, no!" and pulled Jacob away.
[I hadn't quite figured out how to strike the right balance between looking desperate and seeming totally uninterested. I guess I still haven't, really.]
YOU ARE READING
The UnSlut Project
Non-FictionI was the 6th-grade "slut." And I kept a diary. So I decided to create The UnSlut Project in the hopes that my own diary entries could provide some perspective to girls who currently feel trapped and ashamed. I am publishing these entries one at a...
