March 19, 1998
Today, there was this thing at the high school in the evening, where the girl scouts sold things that they had made. It was in the cafeteria, and I went with Michelle because her little sisters are girl scouts. Jenna and Maggie were there, too, because they are also girl scouts. Zach’s little sister is a girl scout, so Zach was there. So was his whole family.
There is an upstairs hallway that looks down into the cafeteria. I looked up, and there was Zach, looking down at me. [Creepy.] Jenna was like, “Let’s go upstairs!” so they all ran upstairs, and I walked up slowly, cautiously approaching Zach.
Maggie called, “Zach! Look, there’s Emily! Come say hi!” I was like, oh my gosh, Maggie, you did not just do that. [Oh, but she did.]
I ran back down the stairs and hid under them. Maggie came and joined me and said, “He came over to say hi, but you weren’t there.” I said, “Who cares.” Then Zach came down and I ran away.
Soon, Jenna came over and said, “Let’s go back upstairs. Zach isn’t there anymore.” So we did. We gathered at the railing, and Jenna was just about to pour her slushie down on someone’s head [!!] when I realized Zach was standing on the other side of her.
We all started talking. Zach told Michelle a really mean joke about Jewish people and she started crying, because she is Jewish. [Zach just keeps getting more attractive, amirite?]
He was being nice to me (well, he wasn’t being mean), and it was like were friends or something. And Steph wasn’t there.
We went back downstairs and I saw Amanda Collins. I whispered to Maggie and she said, “Should I tell Zach?” I shook my head but she was already yelling, “Hey, Zach! There’s Amanda!” [Well, I think we can all agree that Maggie has proven her worth as Zach’s personal alert system.]
Amanda came over and said hi, but Zach looked away. I asked Jenna why, and she said that they were in a fight. Yes!
[The events of this entry strike me as pretty mundane - I went to a girl scout sale and did a lot of running away…? I think the fact that I recorded it in so much detail reveals how much weight I gave to every social interaction. It also demonstrates that the bullying going on at that school wasn’t just sexual, but anti-Semitic.]
YOU ARE READING
The UnSlut Project
Non-FictionI was the 6th-grade "slut." And I kept a diary. So I decided to create The UnSlut Project in the hopes that my own diary entries could provide some perspective to girls who currently feel trapped and ashamed. I am publishing these entries one at a...
