You Give Me Fever || Michael Jackson

Chapter 79: Not What She Was

Final chapter before the epilogue, guys! I never thought I would get this far. :'(

June 13, 1994

Michael's POV

It's not good ... not good at all. It's been a few days since we found out Becky's only got a few days, so it's a miracle that she's still alive. Oh, I'm hurting so badly right now. All I want to do is cry, but I have to remain strong for Becky and our family.

Today is the day that Becky and I met, three years ago. Tomorrow is our third anniversary ... if she's here long enough. A lot has happened in the three years we've known one another; on 13 June 1991, we met; on June 14 1992, I found out Becky was pregnant with Miracle; on June 14 1993, I proposed to her ... and now, on June 13 1994, I'm sitting by Becky's deathbed.

She's lost most abilities now. She can no longer feed herself, or have a drink, or shift positions ... she can barely even speak, now. Anything she says is wheezy and almost inaudible. It's breaking my heart, seeing how much she's deteriorating because of the cancer. Quite literally breaking my heart.

For the past couple days, I've been sleeping at the hospital with Becky. Her parents slept here last night, because we all thought she was gonna be gone by morning due to how much pain she was experiencing – but then she managed to overcome it, and here she still is today. It's such a roller coaster for all of us.

Jasper and Charlie are coming to pay us a visit in hospital today – but what Becky doesn't know, is that Jasper and Charlie know she isn't lasting much longer, so they're coming to say goodbye to their best friend. She thinks it's just a normal visit ...

Lisa is also bringing the kids in today, so Miracle can see her mommy for the first time in a few days. Jason and Ollie, I'm not so sure on. They'll probably spend their time in the Day Room, or in the little room that's been allocated only to us.

Whilst on the subject of Lisa; she's still deciding on whether or not to keep the baby. It'll only be a matter of time before she'll be forced to decide, because it'll be too late eventually. I really hope she chooses to keep it; it would make me so happy, even if I don't adopt it myself. As for how she's coping with Alex's death – his funeral was a couple days ago, but I didn't attend because Becky is far more important to me. Lisa said it was a nice service, though.

At the moment, I'm in Becky's room with her parents, at the hospital. We've all been here since at least yesterday, but I've been here longer because I've slept overnight for two nights, not just one like her parents. It's dead silent, apart from our breathing, due to the fact that Becky is sleeping. That's how she's been spending the majority of her time here ...

"My sweet, sweet angel ... " I murmur to myself, gently rubbing my thumb over Becky's hand, despite her being unable to feel it, "I love my sweetheart so very much ... "

There are so many things I want to say, but her parents being here is what stops me. Some of the things I want to say are personal; I wouldn't want them to hear, so I'm having to hold my tongue.

The most painful, yet irritating thing about this "few day" life expectancy is that we haven't got any idea of a precise time scale. I mean, a few days in one's mind is completely different in another's. My main concern, and point is ... we have no idea when Becky is going to give up and stop fighting for her life.

The room's door quietly opens, shattering my thoughts. My head turns to see Jasper and Charlie entering the room, then as soon as they see Becky lying in her bed, Jasper's eyes fill with tears, and Charlie clasps his hand over his mouth.

"Look at her," Jasper gasps, pain visibly striking through him, "My best friend ... my sweet, wonderful best friend. I don't even recognise her ... "