Second Chances. (WATTY AWARDS 2013)

Chapter 68: Hell Above.

Chapter 68: Hell Above. 

Life is getting tough again; just when we thought we were going to be home free something comes along and screws it up. Peasnie's mom is back in the picture but this time were both taking responsibility for Peasnie. I'm tired of fighting with Rosie; I just want all this to be over. Sadly that's never gonna happen because Rosie is so intimidated by Bailey. Bailey's been a better mom than Rosie so why does she even care anymore? These last few weeks have been tough on Peasnie and I don't blame her for taking it out on the world. Luckily she's been doing it with music; Peasnie has formed a band called One X. They write and produce their own music. They're playing in Hollywood on Peasnie's 14th birthday which is today. I'm so excited to see Peasnie play. I know she's the singer and she's an amazing singer at that but I think every father thinks that of their child. I remember in my last life and this very day.

March 15th, 2009.

 Dear Peasnie Ann Sullivan,

March 15, 2009

Happy 14th birthday, Peasnie! Jesus Christ, you’ve been a rotten teenager for a year already. Seems like just yesterday you were sleeping in my arms, all weak and defenceless and today you’re 14. Wow. I’m taking time out of my day to write to you, we’re on tour. Tomorrow we go home. I’m glad to be going home. I hope you’re just like me, having a ball with life. I hope you’re nothing like me in these next few years, I did a lot of crazy stuff that I’m not proud of but I’m not ashamed of what I did. I hope you’re doing well in school with lots of friends. I hope whatever you’re dreaming of, you go for it.

I chased a duck a while ago; the guys named it Stallion Duck. It was the biggest fucking duck I’ve ever seen. I said that catching that Stallion Duck is my dream; I want you to chase your Stallion Duck. You are a Sullivan so I know you can do it.

I’m proud of you whoever you are. I don’t care whether you’re gay, straight, bisexual. I don’t care if you’re tall or short, round or skinny. I don’t care if you’re a boy, girl or someone between. I don’t care if you paint, play music or pose for pictures. If you’re proud of you, so am I. I’m proud of you Peasnie Ann Sullivan for everything you’ve done in life and will do in life. I’m proud of you for being you.

I want you to know that I love you even though you’re far away from my arms. You’re far from my arms but close to my heart. I was watching the night sky last night and I saw the little star and big star. It reminded me of the story I told you when you were a new born. You laid on my chest as I looked out the window at the night sky. You started to cry so I made up that story and made sure that little star found her way home.

I hope one day my little star finds her way home. I hope one day you’ll find your way back into my arms. I love you with every ounce of my existence.

Love dad. Xoxo.

PS: Catch that fucking Stallion Duck, no matter how big it is. I believe in you.

 I sat at the table on the tour bus as we made our way home for the next few months so we can record. I didn’t want to waste any time with breaks, the next record needs to be out by next summer.

 I looked out the window at the open road. I’ve always been a fan of the highways, they’re like my home. I guess in ways I hope that one day when I’m on the highway, we’ll stop at a gas station and there she’ll be on huge billboard advertising for some big shot label company. There is only one thing I’ve prayed for, for the last thirteen years was for God to keep her safe because I wasn’t around. I wish I was there, by her side. To hold her in my arms and make sure she’s okay. I want to be there to tell her that’s the other girls are only jealous of her looks and that she has much more to offer. I wanted to see her walk into her Kindergarten class for the first time and hold her hand. I wanted to be the only person to be true to her. Every day I miss her, I feel lonely and tired, like my life is wasting away. My purpose in life is a million miles away. With every passing day I grow colder and lonelier. It’s been thirteen years since I’ve seen my baby girl. I wonder everyday what she’s doing and how she’s turned out. I want her to come back to the arms of her rightful owner. I want her to come back to me; there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of her. I’ve become very successful as a musician. I’m everything I’ve wanted to be. I’m tattooed and pierced and completely badass. But there is that missing piece that pushed me into getting my act together, my baby girl.