Second Chances. (WATTY AWARDS 2013)

Chapter 33: Starlight. Part 2.

Chapter 33: Starlight. Part 2.

“What? Really?” I panicked as I jumped off the edge of the bed. Bailey looked at me with sullen eyes. Before she burst out laughing, that’s when I knew it was just a drill. I felt completely stupid now. She got me, she got me good.

“No, I’m just testing you.” She announced with a light tone. I crossed my arms over my chest as she laughed her ass off on the bed. I knew she just wanted to test my readiness but it’s still unfair that she’d do it after practically melting down. I sat back down on the bed and sank back into the pillows; Bailey sobered from her giggling at gave me a serious expression before slapping her hand onto my knee.

“We still need to talk about some things though.” She notified me with a graceful tone. I cocked an eye brow, intently listening to her; I wanted to know what else we needed to talk about. What else is there to talk about? I had a bad feeling about this conversation.

“Bottle or breast?” She asked giving me two choices. I raised my eye brows and heaved a deep sigh.

“I think I’m a bit too old for either but I’ll take option number two.” I stated being cheeky. Bailey shook her head at me trying to repress her giggles but her smile was bright and bold on her face.

“I’m talking about for Kier.” She told me the obvious. I chuckled at my own comment. I pushed myself upwards and pecked her lips quickly.

“I’d say option two.” I told her with a serious tone. She gave me a nod before asking why I chose that instead of bottle. I sighed and looked at the picture of Peasnie that hung on the wall. My heart jerked inside my chest as I remembered that I was the reason she never got that special bond with her mom. I don’t want to neglect Kier of that experience either. I looked up at Bailey with a steady gaze.

“Rosie never did that for Peasnie. I want Kier to have that bond with you.” I said with a sullen tone. Bailey remained quiet for a moment, letting me remember all the late night feedings I’ve done all alone, all the diaper changes I had to do without complaining because there was no one else to do it so when she needed changing I had to do it no matter what I was doing. I remember all the late nights I’ve had trying to calm her down or to get her to stop crying. I had to do that all alone, this time around I won’t be alone. Will I be able to handle it? I might be a crazy ass S.O.B but when it comes to my kids I’m very picky. So when things got done, they got done the right way which was my way. And now I have Bailey to help me, will she do things the same way I do?

“How long do you want me to breast feed before you start on the bottle? I want you to have that bond as well.” She said with a very girly voice. I felt a smile cross my face at the thought of holding him.

“As long as you want too, it’s not my boobs he’ll be sucking on.” I said with a cheeky tone. Bailey bit her lip and shook her head again, once again trying to refrain from giggling at my comment. She gave me a solid push but it wasn’t hard enough to properly move me from my place.

“How ‘bout we do both so we’ll both have that bond with him.” She suggested with a caring tone that made me feel more at ease about all this. I’m barely nineteen and already got two kids. Sometimes I wonder if the other way was the right way that this second chance is to show me that Peasnie is better off with her mom. I shook away that thought and sighed deeply as I kept staring at the picture of me and her that hung on the wall alone with many paintings she’s done. I couldn’t help but smile at the poster child of American girls. I can’t believe she’s going to be six in March, she can’t be six. Not yet; it seems like this morning she was a tiny baby all vulnerable in my arms, now she’s out in the world kissing boys and being a mini me. She has a huge crush on Phil and since they kissed that day she’s even pretended her teddy bear is their baby. I’m not kidding either, I’ve asked her who her baby’s dad was and she said it was Phil and then she threatened me to keep my mouth shut about it. She’s too cute. I couldn’t help but chuckle at that memory.