Second Chances. (WATTY AWARDS 2013)

Chapter 30: My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark.

Chapter 30: My Songs Know What You Did In the Dark.

Valentine’s Day ’99.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Peasnie.” I heard someone yell to Peasnie from across the school field at dismissal. Her little friend Phil came running over to her in school uniform. Phil looked like his mom with his shaggy/floppy black mop of hair hanging in his face while his turquoise coloured eyes were wide with excitement. Peasnie stood beside me, hesitating slightly as he came charging up to her. School was let out for the rest of Valentine’s Day and tomorrow is the start of half term so no school for the rest of the week and then next week.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Phil.” She cheered back to him as we waited at the school gates. High School was in for the afternoon so I couldn’t walk with the guys. I wish I could walk with them or Bailey or even one of the girls but they’re in class right now so I have to walk with Peasnie and little kids. Peasnie’s once tight grip vanished from my hand. I felt my heart break slightly as I watched her go up to her friend with a fancily decorated paper bag. The warm February air was chilled slightly so I wore a light jacket. I was going to be walking Peasnie home, we don’t live too far from the school; three or four blocks and then across a park. Usually Phil and his mom walks with us but today he got to walk home alone. His mom told me to keep an eye on him, he thinks he’s actually walking home but I’ll be there. Phil lives a couple houses away from us.

Peasnie’s aquamarine shaded eyes glimpsed up at me quickly before she grabbed Phil’s hand. The over protective father in me flared slightly but then it calmed when I remembered I tell Peasnie about the buddy system, always hold someone’s hand when you’re walking without a parent but I’m here so, maybe she thinks it’s when Phil’s mom isn’t here then Phil’s walking without a parent. Hopefully. I held Peasnie’s back pack along with Phil’s after they put their Valentine packets into their bags. They held hands as we walked down the busy streets. They chatted away happily. Peasnie’s hair was left as it was so it was long, past her shoulders long and it curled slightly; like mine did when I was her age back in the eighties.

I could hear them talking to each other but I couldn’t hear what, their hands still tightly in one and other which made me rather jealous but I can’t be jealous of a five year old. It’s not right but I am. Peasnie’s fingers were tangled with his tightly. I know she’s happy and that’s what I want for her but that’s my daughter and he’s a boy, I’m a dad. It’s only the natural order of things.

I felt my fingers tighten around the back pack straps when Peasnie giggled obnoxiously at something Phil whispered to her. Her peacock blue eyes found mine with a sweetened smile, such an innocent smile that can melt my heart into a puddle of goo. I can never imagine anyone with a prettier smile that can make me feel this way.

“Dad, can Phil come over to play?” She asked curiously with that pathetic tone that children use when they want something but it wasn’t whining or nasally; it sounded like she expected a positive answer. I nibbled on my bottom lip as I watched the small children carefully; they both looked hopeful. I sighed and nodded.

“It’s fine with me if it’s okay with Phil’s mom.” I told them both. They cheered happily and gave me a large hug. I felt like the world’s best parent at that moment. Peasnie still held Phil’s hand as we walked down the suburban streets that harboured families and routine lives. I’m so glad I don’t have a routine life, I’d die or boredom if I did. I wouldn’t be me if I did.

Peasnie and Phil skipped and laughed down the side walk before we got to the park then they ran ahead, hands departing so they can go and play on the structure. I was relieved when they did because that fatherly instinct vanished and I felt a little more at ease. I shook my head as Peasnie did a battle cry as she charged to the play ground. They’re a bunch of lunatics. I remember when Matt was denying Peasnie as being mine, I bet he’ eating his words now because she’s just as crazy and wild. She literally one man mosh pits in the living room and she’s run into walls a couple times. The first time she actually acted like me was when we first moved in with everyone and she went out to play and ended up being brought home by the cops because she was playing cops and robbers with a cap gun that looked like a real gun. And Peasnie couldn’t stop laughing, that’s another thing, she has my laugh; that insane chuckle that makes us sound like mad men.  Matt never said a word when I gave him the look; he knew what I was thinking.