stone cold |twd|

chapter 120

VIVIAN SAT ON THE BENCH IN HER BEDROOM, STARING OUT THE WINDOW.

She sat in the shower for what felt like hours, scrubbing the blood from her skin. Even when the water ran cold, she still sat there.

Her eyes search the streets, but they were empty, most people in their beds. Some were in mourning.

Finn had tried to comfort her, but she pushed him away. He couldn't help her. He wasn't there. He didn't leave Aiden and Noah behind. 

She did.

If she tried to close her eyes, all she could see was Noah's face as he was torn apart.

There was a knock on the front door, and Finn left his little sister's side to answer. Rick stood on the porch, in his uniform.

"Hey, man." Finn sighed, "I just got her to bed."

"I need to talk to her."

"I don't think she wants to talk to you." He replied, "It's been a long day. For everyone. Come back in the morning." 

Finn moved to shut the door but Rick stuck his boot in the door to prevent it, "Just... is she okay?"

He shook his head, "Nah, man, she's not." Finn answered before closing the door.

Vivian stared out the window, watching Rick move away from the house. She slowly moved to her feet, grabbing a sweatshirt before opening the window and climbing onto the roof.

Without alerting the rest of the house, she dropped onto the grass. Her socks began to get dirty as she walked the streets, searching for Rick.

She found him by the pond, a gun in his hand as he spoke to Pete, "Keep walking."

The man walked away and Vivian spoke up, "Were you going to kill him so you could have her?"

Rick turned to her, his eyes bright in the moonlight, "You don't understand."

"I'm sure Shane said the same thing right before he tried to kill you and Marcie." She stated coldly, her arms crossing over her chest.

He stared at her, knowing she was just lashing out because she was hurt. She went through something traumatic, she watched two people die, and she was upset. And now Vivian was taking it out on him,

"Glenn told me what happened." Rick changed the subject,

"I don't want to talk about that-"

"It wasn't your fault, Vivian." He interrupted her, "These things happen, every time you go outside those walls, you put yourself at risk, you knew that. And they knew it, too. These people... they don't know what they're doing, we all see that."

"God..." Vivian had a malicious smile on her face, "There you go again, separating us from them. We are them, Rick." Her voice rose, "This is our home, these are our people. We didn't just lose Noah today, we lost Aiden, too. We, Rick. Not them." 

Vivian wiped the tears from her eyes and turned to face the pond, "Fuck." She placed her hands on top of her head, "We lost two people today and now you wanna kill another one."

"He's hitting Jessie." Rick explained,

"So, cast him out! Let the walkers do their part." He faced him again, "Lock him up or something, don't just kill him."

"He could always come back. Just like the Governor did." He told her,

She shivered the sound of his name, "The Governor had a whole group behind him and survival skills. This guy doesn't."

"What is your problem? Weeks ago, you would've agreed to this-"

"You're my problem, Rick." Vivian glared, "You kissed me first, you made the first move. And now that we're here, now that you have more options, you fucked me and left me in the dust. Like I was just some whore."

"You were never that." He approached her, "You rejected me."

She knew he was talking about what happened in the shower that first day, "I was going through something! I needed time to get over it, that's all I needed. And instead, you just left. "

"So did you. You walked out on us, moved in-"

"With my family. With my brother and my sister, who needed me." She interrupted,

"We're your family, too." Rick stated, placing his hands on his chest, "You could've talked to me. Explained it to me."

Vivian covered her face with her hands, feeling frustrated. She didn't want to admit that the Governor still haunted her to this day.

"You weren't there. You weren't in that basement." Vivian sniffled, removing her hands from her face, "He didn't force you to bend over onto a cold table. He didn't grab at you with his bloody hands and force himself on you." She sighed, "Fuck."

Rick tried to get closer, but she stepped away, "I thought because he was dead, it was over. I didn't know it wasn't until you touched me in the shower. All I could see and all I could feel... was the Governor. And that's not on you, Rick, that's my problem." Vivian ran her hands through her hair, "All I needed was to see your face." She whispered.

He looked at her with such a heartbreaking expression, and Vivian hated it. She didn't want to be pitied. She just wanted him to understand that she wants to be with him. Vivian wasn't rejecting him, she just needed to figure her own shit out.

"I don't need your pity. I just need your understanding."

Rick stepped up to her and cupped her face, running his thumbs over her tears she didn't realise were falling. He pressed his forehead into hers, "I understand."

But he didn't. She knew he didn't. He didn't understand why the Governor affected her so much, how she couldn't see that Rick wasn't him. She knew that they weren't the same, but her brain needed convincing.

Vivian pulled away, not sparing Rick another glance as she began making her way back to the house. 

The lights were off as she opened the front door quietly.  She padded up to Liam's room and opened the door to see him sleeping in his bed.

Vivian closed the door behind her and she laid down on top of the covers next to the toddler. She watched him sleep, stroking his blonde hair gently.

Jillian deserved to be here, she wasn't a murderer like Vivian. She was kind, and gentle. Not a monster.

"She's proud of you, baby." Vivian whispered, "I know she is."