Roulette // Chishiya x Banda // alice in borderland

Twenty Nine

Kill him. He wants me to kill him.

Chishiya couldn't look away, his eyes so desparately trying to detect a lie somewhere in his expression. He failed. Banda kept smiling, rather excited about what was about to happen as he took another step forward towards Chishiya and his friends. Arisu quickly got up from the dirty road, raising some of the dust around.

"Everything that happened" Chishiya said quietly, still not comfortable with others hearing the conversation. "Were you just... pretending?"

"No. It was genuine, however embarrasing it is to admit" Banda said, and Chishiya had honestly never seen his body more relaxed. "But there's something ecstatic in the thought of killing someone I like. Never happened before, so I'm sure it'll feel... special." He sent him an almost comforting smile.

Chishiya tried his best to look indifferent but inside he was just out of breath. That's what you get for getting attached to someone. A psychopath, especially. He felt betrayed and disgusted, knowing everyone's eyes focused on him. On the other hand, he realized that was what he should had expected after all. Banda had been openly admitting to wanting to kill him since the very beginning.

This world always gives us that strange feeling, a convincing thought our choices matter. And then they never do. "Kill one of your friends or kill the Joker" has been the same way of completing the game all along. They knew.

It was devastating, living in the world where everyone had to get hurt. Even Chishiya, with as little commitment as possible, got stabbed in the back the one time he trusted someone. He was tired. He deserved to go home, just like everyone else. He wanted it to be over so he could carry on with his life, forgetting about everything that happened with Banda. He hoped he'd be able to pretend he never existed. How comforting would that be.

But no matter how hard he tried right then, he couldn't hate him. It was impossible to forget the warmth of his hands as he cupped his face, his muscular yet delicate arms wrapping around him each night and his voice, his calm voice, telling him things he never thought he'd hear. He's tearing me apart.

"How do you win then? Do you have to kill all the players?"

"Prevent you from leaving Borderland so yes, basically. It sounds ridiculous but the game itself was meant to have two Jokers. I really hoped it could've been you. That was my goal all along." Banda's eyes saddened, kind of. "It would've been fun but I'm alright playing against you too."

"Cut the shit" Ann growled, pulling Chishiya back as she walked forward, Arisu and Usagi following. "You stay out of it, Chishiya. He wants you engaged but fuck if he gets what he wants."

Tatta stood next to Chishiya, his hands shaking.

"I don't think I can... kill anyone. I'm sorry" he sobbed, unable to control how his body shivered. Banda looked at Tatta in a way he would've otherwise looked at a roach. Chishiya couldn't stand it.

"Pitiful" Banda said nonchalantly, looking like he was awaiting the attack with very little patience. It really is exciting to you, isn't it, Banda?

"It's fine, Tatta, you stay with Chishiya" Arisu said, grabbing a big glass piece from broken windows scattered around. Usagi followed while Ann just took off her glasses, already prepared to fight. "There's three of us, we'll manage just fine."

"Can't wait" Banda sighed theatrically. "You're always welcome to join, Chishiya. You're my most exciting target after all."

They exchanged looks for the last time, Chishiya hurt and betrayed, and Banda more than enthusiastic. I don't recognize you anymore.