Roulette // Chishiya x Banda // alice in borderland

Nineteen

It probably couldn't have been less awkward - having a heated conversation with Chishiya before, then ending up having to be basically held by him while walking towards the city. His wound was beautifully covered up and Banda could technically walk by himself but it was definitely slower and definitely more painful. Since that was the case he couldn't really reject Chishiya's help, otherwise they would've ended up stuck with no shelter at night.

A weird feeling grew inside his chest as they kept getting closer to a known area, for him at least. How long had it been since he freely walked around there? Banda recognized the bus station he used to wait at, hands always freezing and the wind trying to steal his hat; a cafe nearby he'd always get a toasted sandwich from; the dog park he enjoyed walking by, looking at dogs running around, chasing sticks and plastic toys. A huge part of that image was missing;  traffic noise, people's conversations. It was empty.

Banda hadn't been a part of the picture for long anyway. It must've been at least months since he got locked up, very used to the coldness of his cell instead. He remembered sitting in a massive van, being transported to a new place and taking a look at his neighborhood for one last time. It was a miracle they happened to drive past it. Banda remembered not feeling much but still missing that area back then.

He was well aware of that massive hole inside his mind, where deep feelings probably normally would be stored. For so long he felt nothing. Except for pleasure from hurting others, of course.

"You look like you're daydreaming in a negative way" Chishiya noticed after he spent a good minute studying Banda's side profile.

"It's called thinking" Banda replied, still looking nowhere else but forward. Maybe he should've treated Chishiya a bit better, or maybe even apologize for going slightly too far earlier. He still wasn't used to feeling things that much so he didn't know how to deal with being upset. Why was he upset in the first place?

I guess I don't like it when someone comes between me and my soon-to-be victim.

"So which one is yours?" Chishiya asked, unbothered by Banda's coldness. It became a bit tiring to go from intimate moments to distancing, and back.

"There. Behind these two buildings."

"Is that the path you'd usually take to go home?"

"No, this one's faster."

"Then why won't we take your usual path?" Chishiya suggested instantly. Banda raised his eyebrows in confusion.

"Why would we? It's longer."

"I don't know, I thought you'd like to, for memories or whatever." Chishiya shrugged. 

Oh, Banda thought. He feels bad and is trying to be nice, isn't he.

"Yeah, don't mind."

They turned more towards the dog park's direction, slowly walking past all those places Banda counted in his thoughts. Everything was so peaceful, even the vague bird chirping somehow added to the picture. The sun was slowly disappearing, however, and so with each minute less and less noise could be heard.

Banda had to admit it was weird to feel things; strange emotions squeezed his heart as he wandered around a familiar area. Only then could he feel the connection between that and the previous world. Only then he started to miss it for a second.

"It feels alright. Taking the same steps you used to" Chishiya said quietly. Still holding his arm they walked past a big city garden, then headed towards the built-up area. A building he used to call home was right there.

So many people used to live here, Banda thought, as they were climbing up the stairs, not able to take the regular elevator. Many apartments are probably still locked and untouched, except for the dust and nothingness.