Roulette // Chishiya x Banda // alice in borderland

Twenty Six

Saying "I just died" as a response to a love confession was at least fucking weird, but considering it came from Banda it didn't actually surprise Chishiya that much. He wanted to see his reaction, maybe make things clearer for him somehow if the killer experienced a love confession for the first time. It was very spontaneous and he didn't think much of what was being said. It might've been a mistake.

Chishiya watched Banda stare into nothing, cautiously processing what had just happened. His lips tingled, still remembering the warmth of their unexpectedly sweet kiss. 

"I don't think I've ever heard these words before" Banda said quietly and his eyes finally met with Chishiya's. He seemed unsure, ends of his eyebrows trembling like he was a kid lost in a forest. His hand unconsciously squeezed one of the pillows. "Do you feel the same things I do?"

Do I? Chishiya just said he loved him but did he really? He wasn't sure. Going back to his previous relationships, the girls always felt so... bland. Submissive, dependent. He'd had two girlfriends before, both leaving him for someone else eventually, when it turned out he didn't have enough time for dates. His job was difficult and required sacrifices; he understood that, they didn't. Chishiya didn't blame them for wanting to have someone more present in the relationship either. He wished them well, not even sure if he felt something deeper towards either of them. It just felt right to be in a relationship at a certain age.

But Banda, he was different. He made Chishiya feel things. He was unpredictable, brutal, his mind reached thoughts a normal person couldn't possibly process. He was intriguing, enjoyed having control, and at the same time he found enough warmth in his heart to care about Chishiya, trying his best to understand the way of showing it properly. He hadn't learned to live like others did. And Chishiya wanted to be by his side, teach him about normal life's pace if they could only go back together, not worrying about games and death sentences. He still didn't quite get to know him yet. There wasn't enough time.

Maybe he craved Banda because of how unreachable he was. Because they already knew it wouldn't work out. Doesn't the forbidden fruit always taste the sweetest?

But if they couldn't be together in a normal world maybe Chishiya shouldn't have analyzed his own feelings too much. Maybe he should've just accepted them how they were. Focus on all these times Banda made his head spin and his heart jump out. Focus on all the times their lips touched, their skin rubbed against each other and their orgasms synchronized together.

"I think I feel similar things. The storm under my skin, as you described it" Chishiya answered finally. Wouldn't it be easier to define our feelings in the real world? What we currently feel might be just influenced by being here together for so long, alone otherwise. I wish I could tell the difference between a real and fake love. 

"So," Banda still seemed lost, trying to sit more comfortably on the blankets, looking for clues about their situation. "What do we do about it?"

"We don't have to do anything about it. Just stay with me and try not to die in Borderland. Not much of a task for you, is it?" Chishiya smirked, his hand gently resting on Banda's trying to calm his mind down. He didn't want Banda to think about those things. They weren't that important; it didn't matter how real their feelings actually were. Emotions were too much to analyze and they should've just left it for when they meet again, in a different universe. 

"People don't do killing games against each other when they're in love, right?" Banda laid down on a mountain of pillows, finally more relaxed. 

"They don't" Chishiya agreed, joining him. Banda grabbed three layers of blankets, covering them both precisely. 

"Should we break the promise then?"

"I don't think people who are in love break promises between each other either" Chishiya was thinking out loud.