It's Time To Go // Criston Cole // Harwin Strong

40. The Test

"The Onion Test."

"What?" Aislynn countered looking between the maesters. Finn leaned back into her as Aemond gripped tight to some of Viserys figurines moving them about as he babbled.

"Well a woman suspected of being pregnant should insert an onion or another strong-smelling bulbous vegetable into her vagina overnight."

"What the literal hell?" Aislynn countered looking to Alicent. Criston snorted a laugh, trying to hold it back as he pursed his lips. "Even criston agrees thats ridiculous." 

"If the lady AIslynn's breath smells of onions in the morning, you are not pregnant." The maester declared.

"What?" Aislynn repeated "The literal hell!"

"You see the idea is that if the womb was open, and wafting the oniony scent up to the mouth like a wind tunnel, there is no fetus." he went on and Finn's gaze shifted to the onion he held proudly in his hand. 

"He wants to put that where?" Finn questioned. 

"If lady Aislynn is pregnant, then the womb would be closed, so no wind tunnel."

"Interesting theory." Arthur agreed cackling out. 

"I would gladly stick an onion up your vagina, my lady." the maester remarked stepping forward but Criston blocked him. 

"Never. Never going to happen." Aislynn corrected. "Keep your onions and your hands to yourself."

"We could examine your urine."

"piss prophets" Aislynn murmured. "YOu want to stare at my urine go on ahead." She agreed.

"What's a vagina?" Finn questioned. 

"Be glad you dont have one." Aislynn offered. 

"It is a diagnoses." he corrected. "many different conditions and diseases by the color of urine. Pregnancy urine was seen to be like a clear pale lemon color leaning toward off-white, having a cloud on its surface." He handed Aislynn a glass of water. "Or we mix the urine. Mix the wine with urine and observe the results."

"Dont ruin good wine by mixing it with piss." John corrected.

"These people are supposed to be smart?" Aislynn questioned looking to Alicent. 

+

Alicent and Aislynn were having tea with the ladies of court and it was dreadfully boring until someone brought up babies. 

"Any luck?" 

"Maybe." Aislynn answered.

"Maybe? You dont know?"

"Too early to say." Aislynn agreed reaching for a cookie and immediately putting it back down, nope, a wave of nausea hit her.

"I can find out. Easy peasy."

"How?" Aislynn countered. "I'm not sticking an onion up my vagina."

"What?"

"Thats what I said." Aislynn agreed.

"No, no, no. My friends, if you want to know if a woman is pregnant, you must ask her to pee in a basin and then put a latch or a key in it, but it is better to use a latch—leave this latch in the basin with the urine for three or four hours. Then throw the urine away and remove the latch. If you see the impression of the latch on the basin, be sure that the woman is pregnant. If not, she is not pregnant."

"Say what now?"

+

"I want to know!" Alicent declared.