Memeullexx one shots (On going)

Iris

(T/W internalised Homophobia)
Inspired by Iris by the Goo Goo dolls

His entire life George had hidden behind a wall he'd created to hide a part of himself. A wall made up of pretty women and terrible jokes about being "a top shagger" or such. On the outside he appeared as a handsome and bubbly 23 year old. What nobody saw was the George who cried himself to sleep because he didn't think anyone would ever understand him.

George always remembered being young and having his cheeks turn a shade of crimson every time a certain curly haired boy smiled at him. He remembers adverting his eyes and facing a wall in the high school changing rooms. He remembers the lies he told when his mates asked who he thought was fit in school. He didn't want to be gay. Not because he thought it was wrong but because he didn't think anyone would understand.

When he kissed girls he felt nothing, it was almost comparable to kissing a brick wall. But even the slightest contact with a guy made his body shudder. He'd kissed guys before on nights out and he knew that every time he did he enjoyed it far more than kissing any girl.

He had crushes on guys his entire life but never once did he acknowledge them just like how he had never found a girl attractive, He knew that that meant that he was gay but he didn't want it to be true. 3 years ago when he met Alex, a wonderfully colourful, comfortable with his sexuality guy, he realised he wasn't alone. But he was stuck, his mind over took his heart and told him to carry on hiding, so he did.

He ignored the way his heart skipped a beat when Alex's hand brushed his. He ignored how right it felt to have Alex sleep on his shoulder with Georges arm instinctively wrapped around him, or in his bed when Alex had had a rough day. He only smiled in response when Alex would say "I love you", even though he knew it was just a friendly saying in their case, the years of hiding meant he could never say it back.

These things and a million others were what had lead George to where he was tonight. Alone in his room sobbing his heart out, his headphones blocking out the sound of his own crying and anything else. He couldn't do it anymore, he was sick of hiding himself, he wanted to be free. But he was so scared, so scared to let anyone know who he was incase they left him.

George was dragged from his spiralling mind when he felt his bed dip beside him. He didn't need to open his eyes to know that it was Alex. Alex always came to the rescue when George needed him most and he was forever grateful for that. Alex was running his fingers through Georges hair with one hand now, and taking the man's headphone out with the other.

"Shhh... it's okay" Alex whispered as he wiped Georges tears away with his thumb. George let out another sob, this time because Alex was there with him and it was all so overwhelming.
"Hey.. hey... hey... no more crying Georgie I'm here... you're safe" Alex comforted. Some how even though he didn't know why the man was crying, to George he was saying all the right things.

George opened his eyes to see Alex laying next to him, one hand in his hair, the other had taken its place holding Georges own. George copied Alex's breathing to calm himself down even a little, eventually he took a shaky breath and squeezed Alex's hand.
"I'm sorry" George croaked.
"For what?" Alex asked gently.
"I'm just... sorry" George sniffled.

Alex was silent for a while just stoking Georges head and playing with the man's hair.
"What's the matter George... talk to me... what's going on?" Alex asked. Georges breath hitched in his throat for a moment, before he took another deep breath.
"I'm scared Al... so so scared" George admitted, as he looked away from the younger man.
"It's okay George... you can tell me... I'll still love you no matter what" Alex smiled.

George closed his eyes for a second 'that's exactly the problem' he thought before he realised that wasn't the problem at all.
"Alex... I don't wanna hide anymore" George sobbed. He was doing it he was breaking his own rules, he wasn't going to hide anymore. Alex didn't say anything in response he only squeezed Georges hand encouragingly, sensing that this was important.

"I'm gay Al... I always have been and I'm sick of hiding it" George sobbed his body shaking as he cried. He'd never told anyone before and he felt like he was going to shut down. Alex paused for a moment absorbing the information, he then pulled George up into the tightest hug, holding him against his chest.
"It's okay George... it's perfectly okay... I'm so proud of you... so so proud" Alex hummed as he let George sob into his chest. Alex knew that 23 years worth of hiding must have been so difficult.

George stopped crying for a moment, he took a deep breath and looked up at Alex who was also crying slightly.
"I don't want the world to see me because I don't think that they'd understand" George admitted as tear continued rolling down his face.
"I see you George and I understand... I promise" Alex responded with a small smile.
"When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.... I just want you to know who I am" George bawled.
"I know who you are George... I know who you are and I love you" Alex said tenderly.

"I-I love y-you too" George stammered. He'd never been able to say that before and it was a relief to finally be able to say it almost freely. Alex couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face when hearing those three words. Alex held onto George until the man felt ready to let go. When he finally did he sat up from where he was laying against Alex's chest and pulled the man into another hug.

"Thank you for staying" George whispered.
"I'd give up forever for you... I meant it when I said I loved you" Alex replied truthfully.
"Me too Alex... so much" George responses also truthfully. The two fell asleep that night wrapped in each other's arm, smiles spread across their faces. From that day forward they never spend another night apart.

~Authors note~
Ah I'm crying