chapter 86

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December 27th, 2021

OLIVIA'S P.O.V.

I fucking hate this.

Jaden and I are currently walking out to the car to go back home. Without Lilly.

I don't want her being in hospital with many strangers.

I want her in my arms, safely, while I sing her a song and tap her little cute butt.

But no.

Everything had to go down the hill and now she's in hospital for probably a month or even more.

"Ready to go home?"
"No." I know I was acting like a child. I was being very stubborn.

But there's just something that I can't live without.

And that something is my kids. I'm very very protective over them. Sure I'm protective over Jaden, but it's not a same way like it is with Josh, Alyssa and Lilly.

Jaden sighed as he turned the engine on and started our drive back home.

"What are we going to tell kids?"
"We'll explain everything. I- I know this is so hard for you because you are very very connected with our kids and love to keep them close to you and everything. But we'll get through this. It will take time, but we'll get through this. I promise you. We can do this together."
"I don't like the fact that she's there, alone, getting surrounded with so many unknown people. She didn't even fucking hear my voice after she got out of the womb. I hate that."
"I know baby. I know. But they said we're allowed to get in in two days. She won't forget us. She didn't forget us. Okay?"
"No." I broke down, placing my face in my hands, while Jaden rubbed my back.

I know he was going through a lot now too. And I wasn't helping with it at all. I wasn't giving him any reassurance.

But I can't talk like everything is okay and be positive when I don't feel like it.

I'm not usually sad. But when I am, it's something too uncontrollable and something I can't hide for fucks sake.

Yes, I cry over movies and feel sad, but I'm not talking about same type of sad.

And when sadness overcomes me, I'm just not useful at all. I'm not a good person to talk to, I'm not good at doing anything on those days, I don't like being around lot of people.

Of course, once it passes I'm back on my track right away, but those few days are just the worst ever.

And now I'm just scared that it will stay up for a little longer and that it will have affect on Josh, Alyssa and Jaden. And I don't want that happening.

I felt the car stop, but I couldn't look up because I couldn't stop my cries and sobs.

"You're my favorite human being. You know?" Jaden whispered, still rubbing my back.

"I need you to look at me, Livvy. Please. Lift your head and look me in the eyes." He said, trying to pull my hands by my wrists so I would need to lift my head.
"I don't want to."
"Olivia." I slowly lifted my head, making him grab my chin to make me look at him, before cupping my face.

"She's going to be alright. We're gonna visit her every day and you can sing to her your favorite songs and you can hold her hand. We're gonna help her in recovery and you're gonna be able to hold her soon. She just needs a little time to get stronger. And while we wait for that, we're gonna be strong. You're gonna be strong. I don't mean it in a way of being strong not to cry and stuff. I mean being strong to get through this. Crying, or not, we're gonna be strong. You have Josh and Alyssa to lead you through this and make you happy every day. You have me. You have all of me forever to do whatever you want me to do. You have a little cute chicken in that hospital needing her mom not to give up on her. And she will love you, if you held her now, or held her in few weeks. Okay? Even if you think it's not okay, I can tell you it's okay. It's alright. Because we know it's gonna be the way I said it."
"Okay."
"Okay." He smiled, wiping away my tears and leaning in to kiss me.

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