Swear Jars and Babies (Book Four)

Chapter Sixty-One

Chapter Sixty-One

It's a love story for the new age

For the six page

We're on a quick sick rampage

They kept me in the hospital for nearly a week, which in all honesty could've been a hell of a lot worse than it really was.

But the day I got the clear to leave I couldn't be happier.

But things weren't back to normal.

Not even close.

The first night I was home I was woken up in the middle of the night by Niall.

He was screaming for help, tossing in the bed as I tried to keep him from hurting himself.

He woke with a start, his breathing coming out in short pants before he started to cry. He cried for what seemed like hours, holding onto me as tightly as he possibly could.

This went on for nearly a week, the same thing happening nearly every night.

Even though he wouldn't tell me what his dreams were about, I kind of already guessed.

I was having them too... but maybe not the same as him.

We wouldn't talk about them, the subject an unspoken taboo inside the house.

And that was okay.

I was fine with leaving it buried as far back in our lives as possible, but I could tell it wasn't going to stay there forever.

No matter how badly I wish it would.

So that was how I found myself sitting on our bed late one evening, waiting for him to walk back into the room after putting the kids to sleep.

I wasn't really sure how I was going to start this conversation. Niall didn't really like it when I tried to help...

He didn't like me to think he was weak.

Not that I ever did.

"You alright?" Niall's voice interrupted my thoughts and I looked at him. He was standing in the doorway, bags underneath his eyes and his hair an absolute mess. He hadn't slept in a week, and to be quite honest it was starting to show.

I was worried about him.

"Fine... I was just thinking." I replied, clearing my throat a little as I continued to look at him.

"About what?" He asked as he walked over to the bed, he climbed in next to me, he curled up to my side almost instantly.

"You." I said honestly, looking down at him as he looked up at me with confusion.

"What about me?"

"I'm worried about you... You haven't had a full nights sleep since I got home from the hospital... You aren't eating like you're suppose to... Niall you look like you're dying from a chronic illness and I'm worried."

"I'm fine..." He said stubbornly, which in turn made me let out a groan. I knew he was going to do that.

I knew it.

"You're not fine..." I whispered, shaking my head a little as I looked away from him.

He just didn't get it.

"Yes I am Harry... So what if I'm not sleeping? That's normal. We have three kids, I'm not going to get a full night of sleep."

"You act like I don't know." I whispered, almost as an after thought more than an actual comment.

"Know what?" Niall's eyebrows scrunched together as he looked at me with confusion.

"You're having nightmares Niall. You're waking up in the middle of the night screaming. So don't act like you're fine." I said finally, looking back at him as he continued to look at me. He blinked for a minute before taking a deep breath and closing his eyes.

"I'm fine."

"No you're not."

"Harry..."

"Niall... I've been with you for over seven years now... I know when you're okay, and you're not okay right now. I'm worried and I hate it when you dismiss my worry as me being stupid. It's not healthy for you and it's not healthy for the baby..." And that seemed to strike a chord in Niall, tears falling slowly out of his eyes as he looked at me again. I sighed, suddenly feeling bad for the fact I had made him cry yet again.

It was becoming a habit sadly...

"I keep seeing him Harry... Every time I close my eyes he's right there in front of me, whispering that it's my fault over and over again. A-And... he's always standing over you and the kids... You're all dead... That's when I see that I'm the only one holding the gun... Jimmy says it's my fault... and.. and I kill him." Niall's voice broke after that, a strangled sob escaping as he hides his face in the blankets.

"It's not your fault Niall... I don't know why you don't understand that when I tell you that... None of this was your fault, and I guess I'll keep telling you that until you believe me. This wasn't your fault and you need to stop blaming yourself." I said, laying down next to him. I moved the blanket away from his face so I could see him. Niall continued to cry though even if he wasn't saying anything. I gave him a reassuring smile as I wiped away the tears, kissing his forehead every now and then to show him that I was still here.

"Everything is going to be okay Niall... I promise you..."

"Yo-You've been making a lot of promises lately." He whispered, his voice hoarse and his crying now coming to a stop.

"And I plan on keeping every last one of them. I love you Niall..."

"Idiot." He said, his eyes sparkling almost in the dim light. I cracked a smile at that one, kissing him softly.

"I'll always be your idiot."

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I think next chapter is going to be a Zayn chapter cause I miss
Zayn.

Like omg.

Anyways... There's about four chapters left...

I know.

I'm not ready either, but really everything's kinda been resolved.

Sorry...

QOTD: What gender do you think the fourth Narry baby will be? Also... Any names?

AOTD: Just answer the question or I'm gonna have to use the baby name genie and he doesn't like me...

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Connie xx