"Mum?"
"Good afternoon to you too. How was school?"
"Great."
"No incidents with Marcus or his side-kick Nathan?"
"No, I was too busy paying attention to someone else to care about him."
"Really who?"
"Oh, er, my art teacher."
"Good. Are you ready for your conversion therapy today?"
"Yeah, yeah. Can I get to the point now?"
"..."
"Thank you. On Saturday I'm going to that theme park we went to last year. I found two tickets in my drawer. I just wanted to tell you."
"Hang on, don't think you can leave just yet. You think I'd just let you go?"
"Fuck."
"And who's the mystery second you're taking?"
"..."
"Is it a guy? It better not be, you know how I feel ab-"
"No! No. No. A girl. Chloe."
"Really?"
"Yup."
"Charlie, that's great news!"
"It is?"
"Can I drive you there?!"
"No, no! No, er, Chloe is driving us."
"Chloe's driving?"
"She's got her driving's license. She's eighteen, mum."
"That's poor etiquette, expecting the woman to drive to her date."
"Er, right. Yeah, I knew that."
"If only you'd stop spending your time drawing and painting, you'd have gotten driving lessons and have been able to drive this Chloe all over the Earth!"
"Alright. Can I go now?"
"Hang on a second, let me get your father. He'll be pleased to know that these conversion therapy sessions are working a spell-"
"..."
"PETER, DARLING. PETER! CHARLIE HAS GOTTEN HIMSELF A HOT DATE WITH A GIRL THIS SATURDAY-"
"SON, YOU ARE THE BECOMING THE MAN I HAVE ALWAYS SEEN IN YOU! WHOSE THE LUCKY GIRL THEN? TELL US EVERYTHING!"
"She's got hair. And eyebrows. She, er-"
"AND HER PERSONALITY?"
"Kill me."
YOU ARE READING
Ass Milk
Short Story"So, how did you know you were gay?" "One day, I was walking and a rainbow tumbled from the sky and onto my head. Consequently, my brains fell out and I forgot what a vagina was. So, suddenly, when I accidentally walked into a changing room and tho...
