"What's up, buttercup?"
"FERNE, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU-"
"Shh!"
"... Wearing?"
"It's a balaclava, Charlie. Anonymity is crucial."
"You look like a murderer."
"Maybe I am."
"A psycho, serial killing murderer."
"Yuno I don't have pink hair."
"... I know. Your hair's black."
"Oh boy."
"What?"
"Nothing, come on. Did you bring the cans of spray-paint and the camera to photograph our finished masterpiece?"
"No, I thought I'd leave them at home-"
"What?"
"I'm kidding."
"Watch it Gay Boy, one wrong move and I'll slit your throat with my pink axe."
"I'd like to keep Dickie in good shape thank you. You're too intent on this."
"And you're too intent on art itself. You literally lick out the arse of our teacher. Remember last year? You were the only one who paid to go to the art museum-"
"Well, yeah I wanted a good grade-"
"And right now? Do you want me to casually sacrifice you to a goat?"
"No."
"Then stop squealing. Keep. It. Down."
"Why are we crawling? Can't we just walk there?"
"You having second thoughts on that sacrifice?"
"..."
"That's what I thought, Sweetcheeks."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"We're at the wall."
"I can see that, thank you. Geez."
"Quick, pass me the black can first."
"..."
"What's the hold up? I said quickly!"
"I think I have an erection-"
"WHAT?!"
"..."
"Charlie! This is no time for your jokes!"
"No, seriously, Ferne I can't tell if the can I've picked up is brown or black. It's dark-"
"Amateur."
"And you're a pro?"
"I'm a sociopath. Of course I'm a professional at destroying society."
"Spray-painting a wall? Very destructive. What a sociopath. They should lock you up!I'm terrified of the streets, you predator-"
"You told me not to drink any coffee to be serious about this, and you're here making jokes about Dickie and a sarcastic commentary on my awesomeness. In case you haven't realised, we're breaking the law."
"Sorry. I'm just nervous."
"Aww, ickle goo goo baby waby mummy's angel boy. Scawy powiceman. I don't wanna be wocked up and anal raped by my inmates bear cock, mummy. Waa waa! Boo hoo!"
"I'll slaughter you."
"Sure you will, baby. Pass me the bag of cans. You're clearly incapable of telling black from yellow."
"Here."
"Oh look. First can I picked up! The black can!"
"Fuck off."
"Stand back and let me spray my tag line."
"What's that you're putting on top of your baclava mask?"
"A mask."
"You're putting a mask on a mask?"
"This is a special mask for spray-painting. To protect from the fumes? You're really fucking new to this. Good thing I brought one for you too."
"Don't throw it at me-"
"Shh!"
"...Do you want me to put it on?"
"No, I want you to strap it around your cock and practice thrusting into it."
"..."
"I WAS JOKING YOU MASK-RAPING RETARD."
"..."
"What?"
"You're cute when you're angry."
"..."
"..."
"Errr... Here. Spray your tag next to mine."
"..."
"Is that...?"
"What?"
"Out of all the things you could use as your criminal tag, you chose a smiley face. Childish."
"Thug life."
"You can't see me-"
"Dude, yeah not with that face hugging baclava on your face."
"-But I'm cringing so hard. And it's balaclava. Baclava is a type of cake."
"Whatever."
"Right."
"So can I start spraying the ass?"
"..."
"Now look who's being childish."
"..."
"Stop laughing, Ferne. I'm trying to concentrate. Okay, a nice round curve here-"
"YEAH SPRAY THAT ASS CHARLIE. SPRAY IT GOOD!"
"SON OF A BI- LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO YOU FAILED ABORTION! THERE'S PAINT ON MY THIGHS."
"Psst, psycho."
"WHAT?! STOP TALKING TO ME, I'M TRYING TO GRAFFITI."
"You're cute when you're angry."
"DO YOU WANT ME TO SQUIRT THIS ENTIRE CAN IN YOUR EYE?"
"Squirt."
"Lol, I'm gay."
YOU ARE READING
Ass Milk
Short Story"So, how did you know you were gay?" "One day, I was walking and a rainbow tumbled from the sky and onto my head. Consequently, my brains fell out and I forgot what a vagina was. So, suddenly, when I accidentally walked into a changing room and tho...
