Ass Milk

curdle,

"All done."

"It looks amazing."

"Who gets to do the honours?"

"You. It was your idea. Plus, you're the professional."

"Alright. Ass Milk here we come."

"Wow."

"It looks good, doesn't it?"

"Almost worth the thousands of years we're going to jail for, Ferne."

"Way to kill the mood."

"Was there a mood?"

"..."

"Don't look at me like that."

"..."

"Seriously, stop. I'm scared if I look at you too long I'll get sucked into hell."

"Charlie..."

"..."

"I'm going to ask you something."

"Fuck no. Whatever it is the answer is fuck no."

"What if it was 'do you want to get pizza sometimes'?"

"I hate pizza."

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Kingston."

"Don't do that."

"What?"

"Act like that was the question all along. If anything, you'd have asked me to watch you get drugged up on coffee again."

"Oh, right."

"GOD DAMN IT, ASK ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT."

"Er..."

"YES, SIR GOTH?"

"So, how did you know you were gay?"

"This again?"

"Don't look so surprised!"

"Please. You can't even see me properly under this balaclava."

"Charlie!"

"Fine! Story time."

"..."

"One day, I was walking and a rainbow tumbled from the sky and onto my head.  Consequently, my brains fell out and I forgot what a vagina was. So, suddenly, when I accidentally walked into a changing room and thought, damn, I want that dangly thing between his legs up my arsecrack, I realised, oh holy fucking shit, the gay rainbow chose me! Praise jesus."

"Your parents must be proud."

"They make me masturbate in a bath of holy water every night."

"Wow! Your parents sound sane."