"So this weekend, we'll spray-paint our first wall. How will we document the graffiti to show everyone here the work is ours? Say, we could make a home-movie, show it to the class- originality and-"
"Charlie."
"Sorry, did you want to say some-"
"Charlie, on Saturday when you called me..."
"Oh. Yeah?"
"What were you going to say?"
"Huh?"
"It doesn't matter."
"Now, I know you're a goth and everything. And everything you do is weird but... Ferne, you're acting weird as hell."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Okay."
"You're going to tell me what it is?"
"Say you like someone, but you're too scared to admit it..."
"Right."
"But you want them to find out you're even questioning it..."
"Okay?"
"What would you do?"
"That depends on the person, Ferne. Who is it?"
"I'm not comfortable saying."
"Okay. How about a description?"
"They're... Quiet, different... Umm... Quite lonely... A piece of moody shìt-"
"Just spend time with them."
"It's that easy?"
"It's also really easy just to tell them you like them in the first place."
"Thanks, Charlie. You know, if you were a girl I wouldn't hesitate to tell you."
"Ferne, that was worded really badly. It makes it sound like you have a crush on me."
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"..."
"A CRUSH ON YOU? I HAVE STANDARDS, PYSCHO. YOU LOOK LIKE A MUTANT PUMPKIN."
"Mutant-"
"AND NOBODY COULD LOVE THAT SMILE OF YOURS! THAT TWITCHING OF YOUR LIPS MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE HAVING AN EPILEPTIC SEIZURE."
"A seizure-"
"A CRUSH ON YOU? HA! DON'T EVEN QUESTION THAT FOR A SECOND. NOT HAPPENING."
"..."
"..."
"Are you quite finished expressing your views on my physical appearance?"
"You mean, you've not been offended?"
"Not in the slightest. For me to be offended, I'd actually have to value the things you say."
"Still, a crush on you would be like a life-sentenced imprisonment in hell for eternity."
"Hot, hard and rough?"
"..."
"Ferne, what are you thinking?"
"Yo- me? Thinking? I wasn't thinking-"
"You're biting your lip, staring intently at me and flushing fifty shades of-"
"Shut up, Charlie, you mauled specimen from hell."
"Damn, forget fifty shades, your face looks like a fire engine-"
"Charlie! I will penetrate your arsehole-"
"Ooo-"
"- with the knife you used on my sister!"
YOU ARE READING
Ass Milk
Short Story"So, how did you know you were gay?" "One day, I was walking and a rainbow tumbled from the sky and onto my head. Consequently, my brains fell out and I forgot what a vagina was. So, suddenly, when I accidentally walked into a changing room and tho...
