Battle of the Killers

Commercial Ad: Zany's Ass Pearls

**Previously recorded**

"We interrupt the Battle of the Killers programming to bring you an ad from one of our sponsors, Zany's Ass Pearls."

Jookie materialized on the screen, standing in front of black double doors. With a wide grin on his face, he pulled out a clear bag of shiny candy. "Zany's Ass Pearls. Taste so good you won't just want them in your mouth." Licking his lips, he let out a cackling laugh, smoothing down his silk shirt. "But don't take my word for it, let's ask an actual consumer."

Sliding through the double doors, he walked into a dimly lit room occupied with hundreds of rusty cages, a cameraman trailing him. The cages housed live humans who looked filthy and frightened.

Three beefy guards held one of the cages open at the far end, a beautiful curly-haired girl with bright brown eyes in their thick fingers. Her voice wailed at them in a southern Spanish accent, eyes darkening.

"Let me go," she begged at the guards, as one held her by her hair and the others grasped her arms. Thrashing around, she tried to get out of their hold, but they held her too tight.

With a wide smile in place, Jookie skipped over, carrying the bag of candy like Little Red Riding Hood holding a basket. "Hello. Would you like to try an ass pearl, darling?"

"Get the fuck away from me," she screamed, her scared demeanor turning into an angry one.

Not even fazed by her cries, Jookie turned toward the camera, a mischievous grin forming on his face. "Ah don't worry about her, viewers. She's just a bit shy." Grabbing a handful of shiny but tiny jawbreaker-like balls from the bag, he stuffed the balls into her mouth. "There you go. Good, huh?"

Eyes widening like giant wrecking balls, she coughed up the metallic balls, spewing them everywhere while trying to clear her throat. Gasping for breath, thick spit crusted her lips.

"Taste good, huh?" Jookie asked, cocking his head to the side.

Spitting half-chewed candy at his face, she glowered at him, liquid dripping from her full lips. "Fuck you! Get away from me — you freak." Her body began to flail around, trying to escape the guard's hold, but she wasn't successful.

"Didn't your mommy teach you good manners?" Jookie doubled his handful this time, loose balls falling between his fingers. "It's rude to call people names." He shoved the huge handful at her lips, tipping her head back so it went down her throat.

But her throat wouldn't accept it — it was too much. Her throat began to tremble, trying to cough up the excess, but Jookie kept his hand over her mouth, grin in place.

Eyes fluttering to white, she continued to choke, thrashing her body around like a tidal wave, trying to cough and breathe, but everyone held her in place until her eyes rolled back into her head. Then she went limp.

The guards dropped her like trash, and she hit the ground hard, head turning to the side, metallic balls and spit trickling from her lips.

"See, viewers? Aren't these ass pearls just so lethally delicious?" Jookie popped a ball into his mouth, chewing. "So good. Yum!" He licked his lips before waving at the camera. "You can buy your very own bag at our online store! Bye Bye now. See you next time!"