33| The Impulsive and Nosy Bitch
I was kind of on top of the world and stuff. Considering Tyler legitimately asked me to be his boyfriend, and I said yes. So we made things official, and it was a completely real commitment. Like. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I couldn't stop thinking about him.
I really wasn't expecting him to be at that point, the relationship boyfriend-boyfriend commitment point, yet. So it was a pleasant surprise that he was. We'd already been doing all the boyfriend stuff, like going on dates, holding hands, kissing, the works, but now, we were seriously together, which made all of that stuff really mean something more. We weren't just going on dates and being ourselves to try this out anymore, we were going on dates and being ourselves in a real relationship.
Yes, I could keep repeating the same thing over and over again because it doesn't get old to me, and I was kind of really really happy about it all.
But no matter how really really happy I felt, there was a little dent in there somewhere because the one person I really wanted to talk to and spill my happiness to was Cayden. And we hadn't exactly made up yet. Mostly because I'd been ignoring his texts (only replying to Jeremy's, but not the ones that were obviously sent by Cayden), and we hadn't spoken in person since the whole confrontation thing. I wasn't, like, super pissed off at him for what he did, but there was a little frustration there. A sense of betrayal, and maybe a little upsetness. If upsetness is even a word...
He'd tried apologizing over text, and maybe if I responded, he would come over and apologize in person. But I didn't want to respond to his texts that had been sent more than a week ago, so I had to take matters into my own hands.
I wanted an in-person apology, and then I could regain his trust and full friendship, and I could spill to him just how much happy was inside of me. Happy being something I possess rather than simply feel.
I got Cayden's favorite donuts from this cute donut shop down the street. They were also Rose's favorite donuts, and she was like five, so she obviously wasn't roped into my slight frustrations with Cayden, which is partly why I bought the donuts. Jeremy didn't really like donuts much, but he would eat the plain cake ones, which I made sure to get 2 of. Anyway. I knew they were Cayden's absolute favorites, they were like crack to him, and I knocked on the door to his apartment when I knew he'd be home.
He opened the door, looking surprised to see me standing there. He opened his mouth, probably to greet me or something, or ask why I was there, but I spoke first. Because I was learning a little bit how to be more assertive. (A little little bit.)
"I brought Joanne's Donuts, and yes, I have the jelly-filled ones, which yes, I know are your true favorite even though you claim to love the traditional glazed, but you already know I don't buy it. But you are not allowed to have any until you let me in and formally apologize for the whole Tyler-concert fiasco, and yes, that's a new word I just learned, and you can only be proud of me once you apologize, which I'm hoping you will, because I want to gossip, I want to spill the tea, and I want my favorite friend-slash-nextdoor-neighbor back," I rambled. I felt pretty impressed by my ability to ramble without a single stutter.
Cayden looked pretty impressed at my ramble, too, and he stepped out of the way to let me in. I took the passage gladly, and set the box of donuts down on the coffee table so I could sit on the sofa. Cayden took his spot on the chaise lounge beside the couch, looking at me.
"I'm really sorry," Cayden said, not wasting any time. Which was kind of amazing. "I know that I hurt you, and I hurt Tyler, too. Both of which I've felt terrible about for the past week and a half, and I just ... I know that you've been ignoring my texts because of it, and I was just too much of a coward to come to you and admit that I did something wrong."
"And Tyler, too," I said. "You haven't tried to apologize to him. Not even through text."
Cayden sighed. "I know. I feel like shit for not sending a text at the very least, but I just thought maybe he needed some space."
I shrugged. "You're probably right. But still ... I think he deserves a pretty massive apology, too."
"I know. He'll get one," Cayden said. "I seriously didn't mean to hurt you, PC."
"I know you didn't have bad intentions. You were kind of ... kind of right to try and get Tyler to tell me the truth about Alexander and all, but you did it in a pretty awful way. And the whole timing was just as awful. I just want you to trust my judgment when it comes to Tyler," I said.
"God, I know. I do trust your judgment, PC. And I trust Tyler, too. I think he's a good guy, and I just don't know what got into me. Sometimes the impulsive and nosy bitch that I am just takes over," he said, shaking his head. "I shouldn't have weaseled my opinion into your relationship with Tyler. At least not in the way I did."
I smiled, then reached forward to open the box of donuts. "Thank you. Donut?"
"Oh, yes please," Cayden said, launching right for the jelly-filled donut and taking a huge bite. "You know me too well."
"I do," I said smugly. "So ... Can we spill the tea?"
"I don't have any tea to spill, as my life is utterly boring without you. That's what I've realized. But you seem to have tea to spill," Cayden said, mouth full of donut.
"Tyler asked me to be his boyfriend, and I said yes, and now we're a real thing, and also he met up with Alexander, and they just want to be friends, and sure there's still a little jealousy inside me, which I find to be completely normal, but that's okay because we're little boyfriend and boyfriend right now, and also it's just hitting me that this is the first boyfriend I've ever had, and oh my god, what if–"
"I'm going to have to cut you off right there," Cayden said, finishing off his donut. "You and Tyler made things official?"
I nodded eagerly. "We did. And, like, he initiated it. It happened a couple of days ago at that wedding reception I planned. He came with me, and he requested the song he serenaded to me, remember that one? And then he was all like 'I want to be with you', and I was like OMG, is this really happening? And it was. And it did!"
"Damn, okay. Get it, I guess," Cayden said, grinning at me. "I'm seriously happy for you, PC, I'm glad you guys made things official. And this is your first relationship with a boy!"
"I know!" I exclaimed, eyes wide. I reached out to grab one of the pink-frosted donuts with sprinkles, my favorite. "I guess I'm freaking out a little, even though I'm super happy about everything. Like, this is what I wanted, you know? And I feel like being in a legit relationship is going to, you know, bring me and Tyler even closer. But it's like ... am I overthinking the fact that I'm dating a boy?"
"You're definitely overthinking a little, but you're also valid," Cayden said. "You just figured out who you are, Clay, and this is the first time you're really getting serious with a boy since that realization. It's new, and it's a little intimidating, but you have to know that it's not a huge thing that you have to dwell on. Boys are different from girls, sure, but relationships are all based on the same thing, which is attraction. You were attracted to Gracie, and you had a great relationship, but now you've moved onto Tyler. While they are two ... very different people in their own ways, it doesn't change a thing about you and how you should treat your relationship with him."
"See, this is why I missed you so much. You're the best to spill tea with," I said. "Can we please just always be honest with each other? And supportive despite it all?"
"You've got a deal, PC. Seriously. I missed you too," Cayden said, giving me an earnest smile. "I'll make it up to Tyler, too. Apologize completely."
"Thank you, Cayden."
"In the meantime," Cayden grabbed another donut, "let's talk about your new man. Your arm candy. I want to know all the details."
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"And then he said yes, so we're for real dating now. And it's weird because I haven't done this since Alexander, so it's been a minute. But I don't know ... I'm really psyched about it all," I told Alex over the phone. We were on FaceTime while she worked on a painting and I attempted to throw together a home-cooked meal rather than ordering something. I mean, it's not like I was making anything fancy.
It was just mac and cheese. From the box.
"Oh wow! So you're really all in with Clay now," Alex said, smiling. "He's kind of amazing."
"You're telling me. Apparently, I attract the guys who are literally perfect and amazing and wonderful, even when I'm not nearly on that level," I said. "It's actually insane how perfect Clay is."
"You sound incandescently smitten."
I raised an eyebrow. "Incandescently?"
"So maybe I've been watching Pride & Prejudice a lot recently. Sue me. Jesse's on a trip with the basketball team for a week, and that means I'm alone. I'll spell it out for you, brother of mine. A-L-O-N-E–"
"Yeah, yeah, you're alone, missing your boyfriend, blah, blah, blah. Jesse Campbell is old news, we're talking about the new news here, and that's Clay Greenwood," I said.
Alex rolled her eyes. "I immensely approve of your new boyfriend, Ty. I think Clay's great. He's sweet, he cares a lot, and he's got his life together. Plus, he can plan a mean event."
"He's an event-planning god. I'll never get over it."
"And you met up with Alexander?" Alex asked.
"Yep. It was kind of awkward at first, but ... honestly, it was just really great to see him," I said. "Besides, I told him I was dating Clay, and he seemed totally cool with it. Alex, there were like, no feelings there. Like zero."
"Did you expect there to be feelings?"
I shrugged. "I expected maybe a little bit. Just because it's Alexander, you know?"
"He was your gay awakening," Alex joked.
I glared at her, but she wasn't paying attention to me, only her canvas. "He was not my gay awakening. My gay awakening was your current boyfriend."
"You just have a thing for the guys I end up dating. I think that's a weird sort of kink, Ty. Maybe you need to go back to therapy to get that sorted out."
"Ha-ha. My sister is so fucking hilarious. Hey, that reminds me. We need to get on a group FaceTime with Ethan soon. He keeps texting me and bugging me about it. The dude needs attention, or he might go insane," I said.
"Yeah, he keeps texting me, too. And Jesse. He sends Jesse TikToks. Mainly ones that are like, 'share this to lock it in and you'll receive the best news of your life this month'. I think Ethan might be trying to manifest something. I wouldn't put it past him. The little guy goes through his phases," Alex said. "Anyway. So ... things with Alexander are cool?"
I nodded. "They seem to be, yeah. He's gonna be in town for a couple more weeks, and he's coming to my basketball game the day after tomorrow to meet Clay, and to watch me play. He'll get to see that my skill jumped from a 10 to a 20 since the last time we played together."
"That's great," Alex said. "So I didn't get the full spill. What did you and Alexander talk about when you met up?"
I shrugged. "Uh, I don't know. We just caught up? I already told you we talked about Clay. And we've kind of been texting for over a month, anyway, so we kind of just did a recap on some of the stuff we already knew."
"Right, right. Did he tell you anything about his life? Like, anything new going on with him?"
I furrowed my eyebrows. She was asking questions, and she was asking them in a weird way. Like she was expecting some sort of answer.
"I don't know, why don't you ask him yourself. You've still got his number, and I know you talk to him," I said. "What are you expecting me to say? Do you know something you think I don't?"
Alex stopped painting to look at the camera. "No, Ty, I guess I'm just curious. I do talk to Alexander, but I just want to know how close you guys are getting. I just ... to be honest, I didn't really think you'd get to the point where being friends with Alexander would be a normal thing. But I'm really happy it is."
I decided to drop it, since Alex was my sister, and I trusted her above anything else.
"Of course I can be friends with him. I mean, I didn't think it'd work necessarily, either, but here we are. I missed the dude," I said.
"Well, this all sounds great to me," Alex said, refocusing on her painting. "Now, can we talk about my alone-ness?"
I rolled my eyes. "Yes. Tell me all about how alone you are without precious little Jesse Campbell."
✿✿✿
:) We can forgive Cayden now. BUT HES ON MY WARNING LIST. BETTER WATCH OUT CAYDEN. Let's keep the support alive, thank you very MUCH.
Also now I be craving donuts smh. I should've stolen some from work before I left. But I didn't think of that, did I?
I suppose I'll stick with the matcha.
ANNNNYYYYYWAAYYYY. We also love cute lil sibling conversations!!!!
...
Hehehehehehe.
Um okay ILY all, and IM OUT.