I should have been ashamed of myself but astonishingly I was not. It was not me. This was not what I wanted. She had insulted my Erin lot of times now and I still fell weak against her. I wanted to sue her for vandalizing my property as well as for not respecting a person who wasn't even here anymore. But, I couldn't understand why I ran back to give answer of her question and again betrayed the eternal union I had with my Eri Perri.
I don't know how many times I had thought of what would have happened if I were in her place. Would she have cried? Would she have missed me? But, I knew one thing which was I would have never wanted her to be upset or shed tears over me. I hated it when she cried especially if I was the reason.
I would have really wanted her to be happy if I weren't around anymore. I would have wanted her to fall in love. I would have wanted her to get married and have kids like she had dreamt. I would have wanted her to forget me forever.
She would have wanted the same for me but I was always wanted peace. I loved her too much to ever forget her. I loved her too much to even want to fall in love. I had vowed to always love her and there wasn't and would never be even the tiniest place for any other woman in my heart.
I walked to the elevator, furiously pressing on the push buttons to leave the floor. I breathed in sharply trying to forget what just happened. I had betrayed her again. And she was never going to forgive me. She wouldn't have been happy with my deeds. I rushed out of the elevator as soon as it reached the ground floor. I walked back to my car and all the cool air choked me.
Ironically, she was in the air, mocking me.
I looked up wanting to rush away from the place but I froze again when I heard her voice.
"Don't tell me you regret it!"
I didn't want to turn around. It wasn't her.
I had crossed all my limits. I had no right to ruin someone's life.
"Mr Collins?" I turned around only to see this kid's face radiating anger building inside her. She looked furious. Her little chubby face was nothing like of my liking. Her hair was too long, straight. I preferred shorter, intense blonde curls. Her lips were nothing like my Eri's and I was ashamed that I latched onto them. She was a medium height-ed kid. I was into tall one. She was nothing like her. She was a kid and yet I did those unethical things to her.
What had I become? A fucking paedophile!
I could feel the uneasiness creep up my chest as she glared at me. I felt like a true jerk. How did I let all those words slip off my tongue? How could I propose something so unethical? How could I even think of her quenching my sexual urges?
"Do you regret whatever happened between us?" She asked again.
I was really uncomfortable standing so close to her. She looked me in the eyes. I hated it whenever she locked eyes with me. Her chocolaty eyes resembled my Eri's. But, I needed to understand she wasn't her. She was a fucking kid. And I didn't want to play with her. I was not a player. This was not me.
"You dirty dog! Why the hell did you ask me to be your sugar babe when you weren't sure of your own decision?" She yelled. I turned my head to look away from her.
"What's your age?" I asked. I wanted answer. I couldn't live with this heaviness in my heart.
"And why the fuck do you want to know that?" She crossed her hands over her chest.
I sighed, disappointed with myself and the mastery of self control which I had fucked up with. "Forget it! It was a bad idea."
"What did you say?" Her face was red in anger. "What do you think I am? A sexy toy that you could use when you want too?"
No! That was not what she was! And I certainly didn't need a sex toy.
"Look, Ms Abraham. This-"
"You don't even remember my name! You're so mean! I wish you get a tattoo on your forehead, bold, that I, Aoran Collins, have a pussy!" She looked so pissed and upset. I didn't want her to be upset but she was a kid and it was wrong, in every sense. I was not comfortable with it. I was not comfortable around her.
"I really need to know how old are you, Ms Abraham."
"Fine! You won't be jailed for having sex with me. I am legal by age." She said calming a bit. Relief passed through my veins upon hearing that but still my morality was at question. She looked up suddenly and I could see the moisture building in her eyes. She looked away and nodded her head, slightly grinning at me.
"You don't want to be my sugar daddy anymore?"
"I hope you do know that I am old enough to be you father." I said.
She looked cringed. "Father?" Her jaw dropped. "Well, you might be old enough to be my father but you certainly are not. And sugar daddy's are older." She immediately yelled back.
I looked at her frame. She had straight figure. Definitely not my type! I was into hourglass one. Her chest was flat like a frying pan, absolutely not what I was into. Yet I went ahead and didn't hesitate a bit before drowning in her heated ocean.
"You don't understand. I am even more than twice your age. How can you even want to-" She immediately came closer and unbelievably I felt a twitch in my pant. Fuck! I wasn't supposed to feel this way. But, this kid was making it imfuckingpossible.
"I don't care. Even if you are sixty, seventy or eighty. I don't care."
"I care. I can't ruin you." I moved away, not believing that this was happening.
She sighed heavily and muttered, "But, you don't look like my father. You don't even have wrinkles yet."
What was she? She really didn't understand that she couldn't get anything from me. She walked closer and I swear I really could imagine what was inside that loose t-shirt that she was wearing. A flat surface obviously. I shook my head. I was probably sick. I was stuck in between these strange yet euphoric desires.
"I have a daughter of your age. I can't even think-" She shut me up by clamping her mouth on mine. I was frozen at her boldness. But, the warmth of those lips got me melting under their touch and I responded to her ferociousness. I was ashamed that I didn't want to pull away. I needed it. I was craving it since past one month. It was like I had tasted blood and I needed more every moment.
I had to stop. I didn't know how. I wanted to push her away but how could I when all I wanted to do was pull her closer and ravish her mouth. It was too hard to resist her kisses. She was one amazing kisser. Her tongue roamed into my mouth as mine assaulted her lower lips. Somehow at that moment every sane thought flew away. All I wanted was to push her to a flat surface and have my way with her.
Suddenly, she was pulled away and a hard blow met my cheek. I stumbled back; astound looking at the kid in front of me. He came right closer and holding my lapel he served me another hard hit on my nose. I stumbled back as the stinging sensation.
"What the fuck!" Who the hell was he? Ms Abraham came right there shouting at the guy to behave. He lifted his fist again but I was quick enough to block his fist. Anger filled me up as I looked at that flat faced guy hitting me for...
"Levi! Stop it." Ms Abraham shouted at him.
Was he her boyfriend?
Blood oozed out of my nose. I wiped it with the back of my hand. But, the guy in front of me looked too furious. If he attacked me one more time, I swore on burying him right there at his place. He pounced over me even when his girlfriend was begging him to move away from me. I pushed him away and he landed on the ground. All I could see was him provoking me. I held him by his throat.
"No! Please, don't do this." She came on her knees, kneeling in front of the raging guy lying on ground.
"What the hell is wrong with you? Why did you hit him?" She yelled at him.
"How dare he kiss you? I will kill him." He said through gritted teeth, still trying to get up and push me away. He looked too determined.
"Levi!" She sounded irritated. "I kissed him."
He looked at her and I could see anger radiating off him. He shook his head but then chuckled. "Evan was right. You just sit on every cock you see." He spat bitterly. "Three days ago you wanted to kiss me. You wanted to fuck me and now-"
"Shut up, Levi!" She looked at him threateningly.
"And you!" He looked at her. He looked upset. His face was red and his breathing had escalated. "I am gonna kill him for this." He turned to look at me. "Mark my words. Either it would be you six feet under the ground or me." I chuckled hearing him.
Now a kid was going to kill me? "You are free to do whatever you want."
I left his throat and moved away. He stood up and giving me a long threatening glare. He then turned to his girlfriend and looked at her from head to toe. "My inking bag is at your place. Send it to me tomorrow." With that he walked to his bike and left Ms Abraham so uncomfortable and bothered at her place.
She kept looking at the guy leaving. After a while she turned to me. Her eyes grew wide as she looked at my face. "Oh God! You're bleeding." She mumbled coming closer to me.
"Shit! Come here." She said reaching out for my hand. I raised my hand to assure her that I was thankful enough of the beating her boyfriend had given me.
"I'm really sorry. Levi acted so crazy. He is just a kid. He- He's..." She shook her head desperately.
"Is he the same guy? The one whom you made use condom?" I didn't know why I had the itch to know. She looked at me with wide eyes but then she nodded. I nodded my head and checked for my car's keys. I didn't understand why but it felt quite uneasy. I don't know, it felt like as if I did wrong with both of them. They both looked like nice couple.
"He's not my boyfriend. He's just a friend. And at that time I was angry and wasn't thinking straight. I was horny. I wanted it. I don't-"
"You don't have to explain, Ms Abraham." She didn't mean anything to me. I didn't care for any explanation. She could save it for the guy whose heart she had broken.
"Have a good night." I said opening the door of my car.
"Were you not serious when you asked me for being your sugar babe?" She asked again but this time her voice was low. I reminded myself that it wasn't Erin's voice. It just was like her but it wasn't hers. I had to get out of here. I didn't want to ever come back to her.
"But, you slept with me. And I didn't get anything in return." She said. Hearing her, a frown covered my face. What did she want from me?
"What do you want?"
"My internship." She winked.
No! It was a bad idea. I had to stay away from her otherwise she was going to tempt me into doing what I didn't want to do ever again.
"You can ask for anything else except for that arrangement which you call sugar dating and the internship." I told her.
The brightness in her eyes dulled up a little as she pulled up a smile. "Fine. I don't want anything else from you. Bye."
I nodded my head. We were good now. I went inside my car and drove away. When I looked at the rear view, I saw her sitting in the chair we were sitting few hours back, still staring my car. I tore my eyes from her. I didn't want an accident now.
***
I parked the car in the porch and walked inside the hall. I was already very late. I looked around for the house help but figured they might have left after preparing our dinner. I checked my phone and there were seven missed calls from Hazel. She unnecessarily worried a lot for me.
"Dad!" I heard her lively voice and turned around to see her emerging from kitchen.
She smiled a big smile which always made me so happy. I was blessed to have her in my life. She was such a nice kid but sometime could be a brat too.
"What happened to your face?" She placed the bowl on the dining table and rushed to me. Shit! I should have gone to my room straight. Her face contoured with anxiety as she looked at me closely.
"Who did this?" She asked.
"Nobody. I wasn't looking straight and got bumped with a lamppost." I told her. Certainly, she didn't buy it but didn't ask anything.
She kept looking at me with that frown on her face. "Your nose is bleeding." She said pressing onto my nose. "It's hurting, Hazel. Will you stop pressing it?"
"I was just looking." She replied making an innocent face like her mother. She didn't look like her mother at all. She just took her hair and lips. She was one beautiful mixture of her mom and I.
"I will appreciate if you don't start gossiping about it to mom and grandie." I warned. She couldn't keep anything to her. Either she would be gossiping to her best friend Sharon or mom and grandie.
"I never do that." She twisted her lips. "Go take shower and come back soon. I will not reheat the food anymore."
She could be really angry at times. Her temper had come from her mom. Once she was angry, convincing her was really difficult. I went to my room, took shower and changed into a blue shirt and sweatpants.
When I returned to the dining room, I saw Hazel had already served our plates and was on phone.
"Dad asked you to leave already." She said on her phone.
I frowned and walked to my chair. "Whom are you talking to?" I asked. She shuddered all of a sudden and looked at me.
"You scared me." She disconnected the call and sat beside me.
"How was your exam?" I asked. It was her final year examination and I was sure she'd do great like always. She nodded her head and smiled. "It was good."
"How was it like to visit the campus after six months?" I asked her. She didn't look excited at all. She kept playing with the broccoli on her plate. "It was good." She replied the same monotonous reply.
Just then my cell phone beeped and I saw the message was from Ms Abraham.
Sorry for today. Hope you reached home.
I placed my phone aside when I saw Hazel leaning toward me. She looked at me with a big smile and twinkling eyes.
"Is it a she?" She asked.
"Finish your food."
"C'mon dad! I didn't ask anything wrong." She blinked sadly.
"Yes! Now finish those beans."
She looked up with her jaw dropped. "Oh, God! Did you take the beating for her?" She looked so excited. "Who is she, dad?"
"Don't go there! I am not dating anyone so there's no need to be so excited." Her dropped jaw went in its place within seconds. "There's a friend of mine. She is looking for a boyfriend-"
"Hazel! Stop it. I am not interested in any friend of yours." I told her.
"Fine then. Your loss. She is so cute." She was again at her silly proposal now.
"What was that girl's name? The one you invited to the party last month?" I asked.
"Which girl?" She asked excitedly. "You liked her?"
"I just asked her name. That girl in the red dress. She was an intern at our company. Her last name is Abraham."
"Ursula?" She asked.
Ursula! I nodded my head and looked at her. She shifted on her chair uncomfortably. "What about her?"
"I have heard that you pushed her on street and you are even sending her threatening massages." I said wiping my hands with tissue.
"What?" She chuckled, nervously. "That's insane. Who told you that? I never did that."
I looked at her straight. But she still lied. I kept glaring at her and then she shifted on her chair and eventually got up. "She was provoking me." She uttered.
"You will say sorry to her." I said. She had to control her temper.
"No! I will not." She yelled.
"If you will not then you can stay at home from tomorrow. No need to come to AH." I stood up and kept the plates back in the kitchen. She kept yelling and cursing Ursula. She even broke one cutlery while revolting against not saying sorry.
"You will not come to the office for one month whether you say sorry or not and you won't be paid for it. And you will only be allowed to come once I confirm that you apologised to Ms Abraham." She looked really unhappy with the decision but as she was growing up she was becoming more stubborn. I needed to look after her even more.
I walked back to my room and finally, I could call it a day. I slumped on my bed and then it felt like I was forgetting something. I turned my head and when my eyes landed on that beautiful portrait, guilt washed over me. I suddenly knew what I had done. Looking into those chocolaty eyes, I wondered what I would have done if she was here. Would I have cheated?
My heart shuddered at the thought of cheating on her. I knew if she was here, I would have never gone to another woman. I would have been loyal. I loved her. I didn't love that kid. With Eri, it was unconditional love. With that kid, it was just a conditional need.
"I love you." I told her like I had been telling her every single day.
I loved her a lot. And, I would always. My heart always belonged to her. And I was never going to give it to somebody else.
I laid down staring at my reflection on the ceiling. I smiled thinking about the time she was so excited when I brought her to my place for the first time. It was a wonderful evening. We had showered together for the first time. For the first time, we had written a new chapter of intimacy. Everything was so beautiful then, everything was so ashen now.
I turned on my side wanting to go to sleep and tame my brain which loved dwelling in past. She was gone. She was never coming back. She didn't come in nineteen years. She would never come because dead people never come back.
I wanted to escape from all those memories. I still remembered her laugh, her mood swings, her attempts to make me happy and most especially her angry face and her unforgiving nature. I shook my head and closed my eyes.
Suddenly, Ms Abraham crossed my thoughts. When I was with her, I felt different. Having sex again made me feel alive. It unchained me from the inevitable thoughts of how would life have been if she hadn't died.
I wanted to feel alive again. I was tempted into that pleasure which her warmth provided. I wanted to feel it again. It was wrong. It didn't even feel right which is why I wanted to feel her dripping grasp again. Fuck! I was not in the right frame of mind. I felt so uncomfortable. I looked down and I sighed.
I couldn't stop thinking about her wet folds. All I could see was her spreading legs for me and calling me sugar daddy, begging me to fuck her. I told myself I didn't want it but who was I kidding. I got up and headed to the gym. I had to make use of these testosterones, this energy.
I ran on the treadmill for half an hour. I did push ups and crunches too; still, my groin was bothered. It needed to be touched. I wanted to feel her again. Just one more time. I would stop after that.
No! I wasn't thinking straight. She was so young. I couldn't just manipulate her.
But, at the same time, I wanted to be selfish.
I fucking needed one cold shower. I headed back to my room, covered in sweat. I even took the cold shower. It got me shivering still the need was so evident on my crotch. I told myself to sleep but I just couldn't bear it. It was so painful to stay like that. I sat on my bed torn in the pulsating desire. After fifteen minutes I chose to be selfish and I found myself knocking on Ursula's door.
She opened the door. Her eyes looked sullen. Maybe she had a fight with her friend Levi. It was none of my business.
"I want sex, Ursula." I said moving close to her.
She chuckled and looked at me amusingly, "So, you remember my name, sugar daddy?"
***To Be Continued***
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